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So tired of everything - Shaney
May 9, 2007
12:56 pm
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Shaney
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You do what feels right to you, gg. I know how you're feeling. It's upsetting, but expected, really. With support, comes opposition too. We can't let the bad scare us into hibernation. Our feelings matter just as much as anyone elses. Our feelings and words are all we have on this board that's why we have to keep expressing them. You're not as wuss. You're a crazy lion underneath that fear. Who are you trying to kid? lol. Hold onto the thought that your support here outweighs those very few times that you get a negative response.

(((GG)))

May 9, 2007
1:03 pm
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ggfred4
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I just posted on the other side...felt compelled...

Thanks Shaney for your kind words...and oh, for the always humorous ones that I enjoy!

gg

May 9, 2007
1:24 pm
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Shaney
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I SAW your post you crazy roaring lion :o).... !!!

May 9, 2007
9:43 pm
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Hi, everyone, just wanna say good night and sending good thoughts your way!

((((((Shaney, GG, Smarterone, y´all)

May 10, 2007
1:01 pm
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smarterone
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Hi all
Had a busy day yesterday, and for the next couple of hours too. Just catching up on things, debts, i also had to go to the car dealer with chris car that he has not paid anything on and ask for extension on temp plate. he got a job yesterday, only 7.5 per hr. Blah, but better than nothing, Not getting paid till next thursday, so who will he haunt for gas and cigs. I have not will power, i am a worm. All night long he took whatever he could.and i allowed it. Mikey is spineless and yet been thru alot here. He tells me again he took a payday loan, for waht i have paid everything. He disagrees, Here is the receipts. I have to figure out and cant. I told you the utilities are in my name but so is the car ins. and for that to be so, i have to be owner of cars, which i am. Not a good thing. Im wondering if i can, if i do the smart thing, cancel everything from the phone but then what about ownership of cars transferred to them without me being here. i do everything the chicken way out. I can not make one solid decision cuz head so messed up. Im trying to reach my g/f who invited me over next week. I dont know how this is going on can you bellieve mikey is panicking already. The more i stay, the more is despise. Its a vicious circle. What i would lilke to do is leave and never answer to bills, cars, anything. Is there a way to do that and not get arrested.
Sorry for taking up all the time. my love and wish to you shaney, and siniho. I hope life is bring ing you more than just the pits im getting, i want you to have the cherries too 🙂

May 11, 2007
8:51 am
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bevdee
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Good Morning Shaney!

I hope you have a great TGIF. I know I am! Thanks again for all your support, and thank you for sharing your wisdom. It helps.

(((Shaneybobaney)))

May 11, 2007
11:32 am
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thedogsmom
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Hi Shaney! just a hello to say I am SO HAPPY to hear that your dogs are recovering! boy are they spoiled...
turkey with his food??? ha ha...

My dogs were only 12lbs and 25lbs --so when one got really sick-- I started searching for a CURE or something to help... Feeding them REAL food rather than dog food was something that I read would really be much more nutritious providing it was HEALTHY--stuff...like turkey/rice and vegtables--- not pizza and cheeseburgers....
My dogs QUICKLY got used to this new health food stuff... It DID help them-- they no longer got ear infections and no longer ITCHED like crazy...

It wasn't too much trouble to feed them --as I was into a health kick too- and just cooked more and gave them the small leftovers..

My sister feeds her big dogs cooked rice in no-sodium chicken stock with organic chicken or turkey ground in....
it costs a small fortune and is time consuming...and also something to think about when they need a dog-sitter.

TDM

May 11, 2007
11:46 am
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ggfred4
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Okay bev, I haven't stopped singing that song since you wrote Shaneybobaney!!! It has been in my brain for almost an hour now...alrighty bobev!!!

May 11, 2007
12:02 pm
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Shaney
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Thanks girls! I just dropped of Samson for his final surgery and he pooped in the waiting room... nice. Poor Sammy.

Yep, M thinks I'm crazy the way that I feed those furs. A multi-vitamin, glucosamine, tsp of olive oil, ground turkey, wild rice, and chicken kibble from the vet (in two sizes... giant chunks for their teeth and regular). Jeeeeez. I don't have kids, so my furs get the royal treatment. I don't mind.. they're really the best.

Have a great day peeps... I'll let you know how Sam is later. :o)

Bev... hope your headache is gone and you're all rested up.

May 11, 2007
1:40 pm
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Shaney, nothing like leaving your mark in the dogs office. They charge enough, thats ok. So glad they are ok though. Same shit different day, son works till two thirty and i hate when that time comes. Im going to write both him and b/f a letter, again, to tell them that i really dont want to come back and its totally up to them if i do. Truthfull, my b/f doesnt deserve it, his faults are so minimal comparison to what he has gone thru with my baggage. I know he has more feelings for me than i do for him. I dont think i can ever love anyone the same anymore. Burnt out.
Do you beleive my son, pleaded all nite wed, asking and writing letter, this is my last nite out i promise, i have a girl waiting, just lend me 20 and when i get paid next thurs, ill give it back. You would have to sell your body, and soul to give back what you owe me. Then next morning, i check bank online and there is 20 withdrawl and it had to be him, i dont know how he gets to my card it under my bed where i sleep and there was just about 20 left. He says, get this, i dont remember, i must have been drunk, i told him, you remembered where you lived, where my bag is, my car, the pin which i will change again, and how to get back out. FU

May 11, 2007
7:24 pm
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(((Shaney)))

Just checking on you and kids! Have a great weekend!

May 11, 2007
11:59 pm
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Shaney
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Okay first of all... Samson is doing fine after his second surgery. They checked the six other fatty tumors for cancerous cells and they were all good. Thank GOD!

Sini - great to see you as usual. Let's chat tomorrow or Sunday if you're around. I want to hear about big M.

Alright smarterone..."Im going to write both him and b/f a letter, again, to tell them that i really dont want to come back and **its totally up to them if i do.***

Why is it up to them? Is it realistic to think that in your absence that they will both become ultra-responsible and you will return to a life that you deserve? This time away from them could be what you need to shake you into the reality that you need to face. You, my friend, are floating in the middle of the ocean with two adults holding onto you for dear life. While they're doing this, you're sinking... you're drowning. By trying to save them, you are killing yourself - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and now, physically. Only you can put a stop to this. Save yourself. I know I've said this before, but go to your friends house and gel out for a week before you make any plans, write any letters, or make any major decisions. Write down what you are feeling and start making a list of what you want to do with YOUR life... not what you're waiting to see them do with THEIRS. Stop waiting on something that may never happen, and quit enabling bad behaviour. When you leave, they are going to beg for you to come back, and probably promise all kinds of shit... but you KNOW better. They want their meal ticket plain and simple. With you around, they have no worries, not responsibilities, no accountability, and no motivation to change. With you gone, they will be forced to make changes. They've proven that they won't change because you've asked them to... lets see if they'll change because they have to survive. They are not your responsibility. They will live... Now YOU should start living. Give yourself a week. If you find that you don't want to come back, THEN let's make a list of what you need to do to get out from under the responsibility to taking care of two grown men. You're not a chicken shit... I know you're not. Let's make some changes this year... life's too short to suffer needlessly.

May 12, 2007
12:06 am
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(((Shaney))) glad to hear the news about Samson... I hope you have a nice weekend...

gg

May 12, 2007
10:19 am
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Shaney girl: First happy for your furballs. Love them
Second: Just spoke to my friend. I want to pack so much in my car. I think i will jsut take what i can and when i am able to speak calmly, will either come back or talk about splitting things. I paid for all, computer, playstation, kitchen set, all the kitchen ware is from my past life. I am a cooker. I love kitching things. Hopefully i can stop cooking. I spoil everything but love the smile on the enjoyers face. I have a 14 yrs old cat, cassie, no one will take her and i hate to put her in a shelter. My g/f is allergic t them. I am killing myself over that, like my past dog, henrietta, whose ashes will go with me, she share every moment of my life. I dont know what to do. Know no one who will take her Mikey loves her butheis not responsible enough for me so i wll not leave her. The dog, max, i considerhis,no one wlll replace my baby. Then there is all the insurance that is under my name and the utilities, and etc. I am at the point, thehell with it, come get me. three cots and a bed has to be better. Again, like everynite, my son came in my b/r and said" can i borrow money, but what is wrong with him, i have nothing, absolutely nothing, i dont even have gas to get to court date tues, cuz i let him use my car to get rid of him. I give up.

May 13, 2007
6:54 pm
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(((Shaney)))

Goood news about Samson! I hope you had a good weekend. I´m going to go to bed and maybe check back a few hours later. If I don´t it´s cuz Ive been a little down and tired a lot.

I need to start a new thread, I think. A new phase is here to gether with winter cold and rains. I keep your thoughts and suggestion to face my commitments even though I still mix dates but nothing major. Mitzie is sure grown up and has been eating a lot. She needs to get spayed but otherwise she´s her healthy self and gives me a lot of joy and company.

(((Smarterone)))

I haven´t followed your story. But I know it´s tough to live with a situation where you don´t seem to count. I enabled a control freak and ended up not knowing what I wanted, needed, could give, etc. I hope it doesn´t happen to you. Try to listen to yourself! And take advantage of our cyber sister Shaney´s counsel. She may be younger but sure is the older sister I would like to have.

May 13, 2007
8:31 pm
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Shaney...

Hoping your weekend is going well. Thinking of you hon. Love to you.

Mich

(((Shaney)))

May 13, 2007
9:27 pm
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Shaney
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Hey gg (lion) - hope all is well with you too. The dogs are doing well, thank you. We're so happy about their recovery. We really thought we were going to lose both of our dogs at the same time. Thanks again for all of your support, my friend.

smarterone... I think you've got a pretty good plan so far. The only thing is that we have to find someone to take your cat. I would die before I would leave her in someone's care that I didn't trust. Who gives a crap about the playstation, but I'd take the computer. That's just me. You do whatever you can right now. I think that most importantly, since you doubt whether you're coming back, you need to leave only what you know you can live without. Take the rest. If it's replaceable... then lighten your load and leave it behind. Just get to your friends house, then you can worry about what to do from there. I really think that once you're out of there, you'll be able to think more clearly, and decisions will come easier. Take important papers too... FOR SURE.

Sini girl - Are you coming into a new phase? Maybe a new thread will be a good idea. I think you've been doing great, my friend. Whatever is next, I know you'll handle. We'll be sure to keep up the conversations... throwing around creative ideas and thoughts... and of course, loving our animals. Thanks for being there for me during this rough time. I'll be gone for the next couple of days. I have relatives in town and am taking a couple of days off ow work to go and spend some time at my moms, with them. I'm sure I'll come back with some great stories and observations... you know how I love to find humor with the crazy family dynamics. My grandma and uncle fight like crazy. He's the worst form of attention deficit I've ever seen in my life and it makes my grandma insane. I'll fill you in when I get back. It'll make for some good conversation :o).

Mich - Thanks for checking on me :o). I hope your mothers day was a good one. You deserve the best, my friend. I'm going to check the other side and see if there are any updates, but know that I'm wishing you the best and thinking of you just in case I don't talk to you for the next couple of days. I'm going to see my mom. Should be interesting :o). love~hugs~M

May 14, 2007
3:03 am
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smarterone
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Shaney, again i got stubborn most of the day, mothers day, i hate wheni recognize everything of their lives and im SHIT. Mikey bought flowers, but for some reson i never feel right when he does something. Just everything going on. So yesterday it was fine to go. Then i guess it hit mikey that he would be the one stuck with chris. He told chris, i hope you have someplace to go when she leaves, as much as it was the right thing to say, i was like wait a minute, i paid this months rent, everything i am leaving here is mine, tv, dvd, cdplayer, computer, furniture, was mine when you met me, so i got wrongly defensive and said he should have time. I dont know why. So mikey says you know what, im leaving, so i wanted to throw the nearest thing at him, but im tired of cleaning up my own anger messes, so i held back and said, sure donna go take a break, see how you really feel, etc., thats what you tell me andnow, you think you are going to fuck me and leave me with the rest of the bills. He finally said i just want you to be sure of what you are going to do, i feel like you are going to stick me, (good feeling) and truthfully, today, i realized, mikey is all i really have tha cares about me. So i said look, ill go for like two weeks, get a break and let chris see what it is like and you too, without me, in the meantime, see if you can talk to thelandlord to get us out of this place with our money. So mikey starts talking shit about chris and even though i know its true, it hurts to know that the kid i nurtured is so mentally messed up and i cant do anything about it. Well low and behold i get a phone call int he mid of this, a friend of chris and mine, telling me he is in a bar he used to work in, thathe supposed to not be in cuz the girl he had the fight with and going to court about tomorrow works there andhe is not supposed to be there. Thats not the bad part, they tell me he is selling pills, justlike theones i have, the vicodins. Now itold you to get money for food i did sell to someone who needed them and he found out and thinks its ok. No, so i check my bottle and i just filled them may 1, and they are almost gone. I go to te bar with mikey he is not ther. I come home, he is in his car and tells me that the 20 we gave him for gas , he was charged 30 at thepump cuz the girl made a mistake. i went and checked it out and it was true so it cost us another 10, yeh, here i am telling mikey to not talk shit, who is in denial, me, not really just have to get away from him. anyway, later he comes home and tomorrow is court like 8:30, and he is all scared and he is packing clothes cuz now some girl is taking him in case they dont let him out and this was supposed to be a definite walk away case. I get all spiteful, and tell him i will make sure he goes away, there he goes now asking me for the last of my pills. Im yelling andmikey is dead asleep, never hears anything, heis deaf, but damn, so when i get mean with themouth i cant stop, i told him to take his clothes, he is going just let me see if ia am arrested. Doing the crying act, telling me i made him this way, ever since he was a kid, i told him if he didnt leave now he wouldnt see court, i would kill him, now im feeling sick and want to kill all of them. He left, pretended he was going to hit mikeys car, and i called the girll who was taking him to court and told him that his clothes was packed outside. But tomorrow im alone and you dont know him, i really think he is insane, i cant leave thehouse, i took his key, he'll break in. Im scared and dont want to call the cops. I want him arrested but hate to be theone who does it. Now mikey is trying to make me feel bad about going. believe me ill come back but when i do it is only to find another place. come or stay i told him. If i leave now i have to worry about this kid breakingin when im gone at friends and mike at work. Im so screwed again.

May 14, 2007
3:03 am
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Shaney, again i got stubborn most of the day, mothers day, i hate wheni recognize everything of their lives and im SHIT. Mikey bought flowers, but for some reson i never feel right when he does something. Just everything going on. So yesterday it was fine to go. Then i guess it hit mikey that he would be the one stuck with chris. He told chris, i hope you have someplace to go when she leaves, as much as it was the right thing to say, i was like wait a minute, i paid this months rent, everything i am leaving here is mine, tv, dvd, cdplayer, computer, furniture, was mine when you met me, so i got wrongly defensive and said he should have time. I dont know why. So mikey says you know what, im leaving, so i wanted to throw the nearest thing at him, but im tired of cleaning up my own anger messes, so i held back and said, sure donna go take a break, see how you really feel, etc., thats what you tell me andnow, you think you are going to fuck me and leave me with the rest of the bills. He finally said i just want you to be sure of what you are going to do, i feel like you are going to stick me, (good feeling) and truthfully, today, i realized, mikey is all i really have tha cares about me. So i said look, ill go for like two weeks, get a break and let chris see what it is like and you too, without me, in the meantime, see if you can talk to thelandlord to get us out of this place with our money. So mikey starts talking shit about chris and even though i know its true, it hurts to know that the kid i nurtured is so mentally messed up and i cant do anything about it. Well low and behold i get a phone call int he mid of this, a friend of chris and mine, telling me he is in a bar he used to work in, thathe supposed to not be in cuz the girl he had the fight with and going to court about tomorrow works there andhe is not supposed to be there. Thats not the bad part, they tell me he is selling pills, justlike theones i have, the vicodins. Now itold you to get money for food i did sell to someone who needed them and he found out and thinks its ok. No, so i check my bottle and i just filled them may 1, and they are almost gone. I go to te bar with mikey he is not ther. I come home, he is in his car and tells me that the 20 we gave him for gas , he was charged 30 at thepump cuz the girl made a mistake. i went and checked it out and it was true so it cost us another 10, yeh, here i am telling mikey to not talk shit, who is in denial, me, not really just have to get away from him. anyway, later he comes home and tomorrow is court like 8:30, and he is all scared and he is packing clothes cuz now some girl is taking him in case they dont let him out and this was supposed to be a definite walk away case. I get all spiteful, and tell him i will make sure he goes away, there he goes now asking me for the last of my pills. Im yelling andmikey is dead asleep, never hears anything, heis deaf, but damn, so when i get mean with themouth i cant stop, i told him to take his clothes, he is going just let me see if ia am arrested. Doing the crying act, telling me i made him this way, ever since he was a kid, i told him if he didnt leave now he wouldnt see court, i would kill him, now im feeling sick and want to kill all of them. He left, pretended he was going to hit mikeys car, and i called the girll who was taking him to court and told him that his clothes was packed outside. But tomorrow im alone and you dont know him, i really think he is insane, i cant leave thehouse, i took his key, he'll break in. Im scared and dont want to call the cops. I want him arrested but hate to be theone who does it. Now mikey is trying to make me feel bad about going. believe me ill come back but when i do it is only to find another place. come or stay i told him. If i leave now i have to worry about this kid breakingin when im gone at friends and mike at work. Im so screwed again.

May 14, 2007
7:57 am
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bevdee
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Shaney- when you said this "I'm sure I'll come back with some great stories and observations... you know how I love to find humor with the crazy family dynamics." - it made me think of watching my grampa and stepdad trying to have a conversation. My stepdad is only a few years younger than my grampa was. He had been losing his hearing for years, refused to get a hearing aid. I usually repeated somthing I said at least twice. My Grampa could hear fine, but after his heart attack, suffered mini-strokes all the time, and his memory was pretty bad.

So, grampa would try to talk to my stepdad, and Stepdad would turn his good ear toward Grampa and say, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you". Grampa would blink and say, "Hell that's too bad, I don't remember what I said."

I hope you have a great time with your family!

(((M aka Shaney)))

May 14, 2007
8:41 am
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Bev, too funny. I have a dysfunctional conversation story for you, too:

My mom was in the hosp, on her death bed and so weak she could barely be heard. Dad accidentally dropped and broke the thermometer and was down on his hands and knees trying to clean up the mess, chasing those little drops of mercury all over the floor. Mom the control freak is feebly trying to tell Dad to just leave it alone, that the hosp staff would take care of it. Dad is pretty deaf and can't hear her at all. My sister leans over Mom and gently says "Mom, he can't hear you"...and Mom says, pausing between her faint words, "He can hear what he wants to."

May 14, 2007
11:56 am
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Another day, another trial and error, after i took his key, sat down and argued with mikey, and i have to take into consideration that in this time of my life, my elevator is not going all the way to the top floor, if you know what i mean, so time away will let me know how bad i am,:(, or will it make them open up their eyes alone. Mikey doesnt seem too concerned right now, at least about chris, they used to get along. I cant even think about this anymore, im going to pretend i live in neverland, this never happened. Oh chris is here, no conscious, back from court not guilty of course, thank you lord, (sarcastic) and is helping me alot. He needs mental help so bad.

May 14, 2007
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Shaney....I hope today brings you peace and comfort. I'm sorry you've been having a bad time of late. I know how that goes: when it rains, it pours. Hang in there, and just take one day at a time. I found when I was so overwhelmed with everything happening recently, it just helped me to sit down and think of three things I was thankful for each day. Check out the "Thankful
Thread"...it helps to count your blessings and remember it could always be worse, even when you think it couldn't be. ((((shaney))) take care

May 14, 2007
5:06 pm
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Shaney
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smarterone - ugh. I really hope that once you get away, you can make some decisions to put a stop to all of this insanity - for your sake. A daily dose of instability has GOT to beat you down. You have to stop and think: If you resent your son and your bf SO MUCH for taking advantage of you... then stop letting them. You're not helping them to learn to rely on themselves, and you're surely not helping yourself in any way either. I'm sure you're counting the days until you leave. I would be. We'll talk when I get bac into town. Take care of yourself :o)

bev and brynnie - those sorts of conversations between family just kill me. I live for that kind of stuff. Weddings are the best. But a family funeral beats all. The split personalities that come out when there's a will reading pending... whew!

Here's a good one. I dated a guy who lived out on a ranch, way back on a dirt road. The kids, the parents and both of THIER parents lived on the ranch. Grandpa J was getting a little nuts in his old age, but Grandma D took really good care of him. One day we all piled in the car to go to the market. Grandpa J was cussing the whole way about how one of the relatives had ruined the dirt road by driving his tractor up and down it, creating these deep rutts that made the ride bumpy and unbearable. "That goddamn so and so, diggin these rutts in the road with that damn tractor of his.... blah blah blah." Calmly, Grandma D said, "J, so and so has been dead for years." Grandpa J says, "That's no goddamn excuse."

I love it.

ready! Where the heck have you been? Thank you for your sweet thoughts, and yes, I will definitely stop by the thankful thread. Counting our blessings makes more sense to me than you realize right now. Thanks again - love - Shaney

May 14, 2007
5:35 pm
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Hi, everyone! Nice jokes! What about a silly senile one?

Three old ladies were going down a hill (really). One of them said: - Windy, isn´t it? The other said: - I think it´s Thursday! The third one said: - I´m thirsty, too! Let´s have some tea.

I´d be happy if all turned into tea afterall at my old age...

(((Shaney))) I´ll miss you the next two days but you enjoy yourself!!

I need to brainstorm on a new thread for me. Getting the blues for winter cold, rain, dark days, down very south of the equator. I dont wanna get down. I have many ESL students. I won´t let them down. Neither myself.

Hugs, everyone!

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