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So tired of everything - Shaney
May 4, 2007
9:36 pm
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Shaney
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smarterone - I know you're confused about your situation right now... but what does your first reaction or instinct tell you to do? I just can't see you going on forever in such a dysfuctional situation. I know there is always a lot to consider when it comes to making decisions that will change your life, and you can realistically only make those decisions one at a time after careful thought. But consider your ideal situation, based on the reality that you're living right now - and what small steps can you take to GET to that ideal in your mind? You have to start somewhere, and just merely imagining where you want to be, will help you to figure this out piece by piece. I'm really hoping things begin to go your way soon - you deserve it. I'm going to keep praying for you, honey.

May 4, 2007
9:45 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, Shaney, good news!

Yeah, I dont believe I havent been robbed my whole life till 2-3 yrs ago and now... 3 times, twice were armed robberies. And I have been ever more careful each day!

Blessed Sam got a nice soft dog "tie". Those othe ones are really awful and very unattractive.

Well, about the house, Im still crossing my fingers, knocking on wood, rubbing mystical plants and mostly trusting HP to get that sale for you!

Lets believe the universal law of attraction is unfolding as it should bringing the buyer to your house door!

Mitzie seems to be twice her weight since she arrived. And twice a brat, twice as lovely, playful, cute, etc.

Lets hold our pets close and be thankful for the time we have with them, right?

I also have work to do this weekend, but hope the rest of warm days as real winter approaches. Would you believe there´s a bit of snow just 2-3 hours from here? Barely enough for a snowman or snowwoman...

Enjoy your weekend. Hugs to you and pets 😀

May 4, 2007
10:15 pm
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Shaney
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Hey sini!

I have to get back to lookin' you up each night so we can shoot the bull. I miss you and your thoughtful posts! I've really been too depressed to write much lately, but I'm feeling a lot better now. Plus I'm sleeping through the night, which is a REALLY good thing.

I'm so glad our gal Mitzie is claiming your home as her own. It doesn't take long does it!!!? She sounds like she brings a ton of joy to you - and I'm sure she feels lucky to have you too. Maybe you can teach her to be a "watch" cat.. so she can scare away the robbers and over-zealous male neighbors! What ever happened with that guy anyway?

May 4, 2007
10:52 pm
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Anonymous
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You must be sleeping, (Shan), but I got out of bed to take a sleeping pill, argh! Im jeaulous now!

Well, Mitzie says thanks! Me, on the other han, think it cant go any further like this or I´ll have her "paw" the rental bill 🙂 Come to think of it, not sure which of the 4 paws she writes with, he he. She´s been on the keyboard with all 4!

So we are gonna shoot the bull? If you say so!! Whatever it is I wanna get it out of my way so I can move on.

Hmm, the overzealous 🙂 neighbor has been a gentleman! Always throwing some charm but keeping his distance.

Oh, I hope you do sleep in even though you have work. Those early hours are so good!

Take care of yourself as much as as of Shaney-pooh and Sam. Hugs,

May 5, 2007
4:49 am
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(((shaney))) whishing you peace and good health. You know who...

May 5, 2007
8:03 am
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lollipop3
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Morning Shanster,

Just checking in to see how you and the dogs...and the hubby...are doing.

Still hoping the house sale goes through.

Love ya,
Lolli

May 7, 2007
1:13 pm
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smarterone
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Dear Shaney,
Thank you so muchfor your continuous support. Making any kinds of decisions is so hard in this house because of the dysfunction. That is why i am going to stay with my g/f. She works during the day, she also has another woman roomate. I really do not like living with roommates but at this point, i cannot be picky and it will still be "normal" esp compared to here. Again son is home, isnt even trying to work. Yesterday was my birthday, and i felt i was best just staying alone in my room. I feel if anyone wanted to do anything nice for me, here i am. Mikey my b/f, made me breakfast but to be honest, i just couldt appreciate it cuz you have seen my pain for months. Take me away for my birthday but we are in so much debt, i need just ten dollars for gas and a loaf of bread. How does a man live with himself knowing that. I dont call that a man, i now look at him as spineless. Hate to say that cuz heis a good person but i need a strong person better yet, i need to be alone and get this straight. Thanks love

May 7, 2007
1:34 pm
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Shaney
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I have to hand it to you smarterone - removing yourself from that toxic situation is the smartest thing that you could do for yourself right now. I have a feeling that time away from your son, your bf and that house, will help you to see what is best for you. Your son AND your bf need to leave that house and leave you alone. If they aren't contributing to the expenses, you are stuck supporting the three of you. If they left, they would be forced to support themselves, and you would be left taking care of only you. Maybe after your time at your gf's place, you'll be able to make a decision like that. One step at a time. What is your son and bf going to do while you're away? So help me, smarterone, you'd better not leave them any money for food. :o)

May 7, 2007
1:44 pm
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cyndra820
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(((((Shaney)))))

Glad that Shaney is getting better. I was going to ask you if you had thought about a homeopathic approach and consulted with an accupuncturist. My fifteen year-old cat sees one for his arthritis and he is feeling much better. He moves around with greater ease than before.

I know how hard it is when the fur kids aren't doing well. Same cat has a bladder infection so he's getting antibiotics and cranberry extract to help with the discomfort. I am hoping he'll be better soon. He also has slightly diminished kidney function and this isn't helping him.

On the other hand, my ten year-old cat is doing just fine. She took her monthly trip into the basement ceiling this weekend. Then cried for two hours because I wouldn't get her down. After a while I went in and snagged her when she got within arms reach.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm NOT the carzy cat lady from the TLC life lessons commercial!

May 7, 2007
2:04 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there cyndra :o)

You know, I HAVE thought about homeopathic approaches to Shaney's and Sam's conditions. I need to research them more, but just haven't had the time. I love the idea of acupuncture and am a true believer that it can help. It's promising that your cat has responded favorably to treatments. I'll look into it. Again, once the house sells (the story of my life) I'll be in a position to take advantage of those sorts of things. I think that I may have told you before, but our last three cats all lived until they were in their early 20's. Can you beleive it? I think your cats have many many years to go!

I was with the furs all weekend. Sam is back to his crazy self and Shaney went through the doggie door for the first time in three weeks. She didn't have the balance to do so before. The only thing that is making me crazy with her, is that she doesn't want to eat her food. It's because I brought her to work for those couple of weeks and everyone spoiled the hell out of her with everything BUT her food. I have now been reduced to making ground turkey to mix with her food just to get her to eat. Samson is a lab and will eat anything, but Shaney is such a heady little PILL. I'm just so glad that they're okay. Thanks for your support, as always, cat lady :o)

love - dog lady

May 7, 2007
3:05 pm
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turnabout
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Hey girl. Glad to hear Shaney seems to be on the mend. I'm wishing her the best. My little schnauzer seems to have sprained something last night. It takes so little to get us upset for them, since they can't tell us what's wrong, doesn't it? I'm sure my Belle is fine, but I'm just keeping an eye on her. She's done this before. But just wanted you to know I feel for you and am thinking of you.

Good luck on the house, too. Thinking good thoughts.

May 7, 2007
7:11 pm
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smarterone
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Shaney, im going to a friend and mikey thinks its temporary, i hate leaving the computer, although my friend has one, i did pay for this one. I cant put things in my car except for clothes and i live 5 hours away not like i could sneak back and forth and take stuff. Utilities are under my name too, so that sucks. I know in my heart im not coming back, not letting son know where i am, hurts a little but i cant. I desperately think of nothing but asking the Lord to take me from this life of fear and pain. You have no idea, everyminute of the day, brings heartache. Mikey really is no help, he came home early today and i was crying, his comfort was going to sleep. He has no clue. The man who cuts the lawn came to get his check that bounced. I have to pay with my disabilty check wed. The water bill i had to put off till wed. The landlord i owe 125, wed. A payday loan i had to take cause mikey had a car payment, cuz he has a better car and car ins., i had to pay, mikey said just now i have enough money left to pay my cell bill, you have what, i have not two cents and had to actually ask friends to deposit 10 or 20 dollars in my acct. in washington mutual. I didnt have enough food and god forbid me had to pocket a tomato, garlic and a couple can of cat food. I cant do this. When mikey mentioned cell bill to pay, i said fine, but find a way to buy lunch food. i have to buy with whatever i have two to three 12pks of soda, he takes 3-4 to work, a sandwich, bag of chips, cottage cheese and fruit, pc of a cake, for lunch. Tonite i had a 3dollar pack of pork strips, box of broccoli and made him a stir fry, ask me what i ate, cucumber, and im heavy and never eat. I dont know where to turn shaney. I cry all day, im so scared and of what i dont know. Do you really think at 56 i enjoy staying on someones couch. I also have to give up free dental the govt. finally after 10 yrs allowed, cuz i have lost so many teeth andno dentist will allow payment plan for me. Now. since i have to leave this area i have to pass up the appt in august. Maybe ill find a way. i doubt it. I went this long without them. If i could get one dollar from all the people i helped, took in, took care of , etc. i could make it. Im getting emotional again. Shaney im so scared, i wish i had someone here to hold me. God bless you.

May 7, 2007
9:07 pm
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Shaney
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Oh smarterone... it sickens me that these men in your life are taking advantage of you. They are, and you have to make it stop. Even if it's a little at a time... you have to give up on them, and turn your eyes to you, and you alone. You can do it. You're already taking the first step... removing yourself from this situation physically. It will take a small amount of time to remove yourself emotionally and financially as well. But you have to.

Hey, I have to run, but I'll be back tonight. You have to have a plan, and we can work on that....

May 7, 2007
9:11 pm
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((((Smarterone)))) May this be just a bump in the road to a better place.

((((Shaney)))) Keep well! The "furs" will have a good life ahead. Dont forget yourself!!

May 7, 2007
10:37 pm
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Shaney
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smarterone and sini :o)

I can't stick around tonight, as I originally thought... but I'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning.

Let's get this figured out, smarterone - you need something to look forward to... something to keep you wanting to move forward. Don't give up just yet :o)

May 7, 2007
10:41 pm
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bevdee
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Shaney

I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about your puppypeople- and you. They are human you know!

I want to thank you for all the support you have given me in various threads. It means alot to me, and I'm not sure I have ever expressed that to you very well.

((Shaney and her puppypeople)))

May 8, 2007
7:48 am
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cyndra820
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(((((Shaney))))) (((((Smartone)))))

Good Morning, y'all.

Shaney~ I'm glad Shaney walked through the doggie door!!! YEA!!!! Good for her. It feels so good when they start getting better after we've been so worried about them.

My 15 year-old cat is still experiencing some discomfort. I think I'll do the antibiotics for three weeks and I'm getting some cranberry extract today at the organic market. The accupuncturist gave me some pills, but that's not working for either of us. She did say the extract would work too. Unfortunately I have to give it to him directly. I can't hide it in his food like I do his kidney stuff. OI VAY!

Smartone~ It is a shame how these men have taken advantage of you. I know it is painful to be in your position at this time in your life. You shouldn't have to go through this, but it is best for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You deserve better than that.

Be thankful you have friends who will put you up on their couch or a spare bedroom. Maybe the state you are relocating to will have dental coverage so that you can still get the care you need.

If your friend has a computer please try to find an online CODA or ACA meeting. These meetings are helpful. I can't always get to my ACA meetings so I have found one online. They have chats almost every day. Even a littl fellowship helps us not feel so alone.

Smartone, I hope you get to your friends and begin to find some measure of peace.

Love,
Cyndra

May 8, 2007
11:21 am
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Shaney
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Hey bev... thank YOU for the continued support. You mean a lot to me. The furs are cool. Shaney fell down a couple of times yesterday because she got too wound up when I was tossing the ball for Sam. She sort of bounds around him a bit but has never been the type of dog to fetch a ball. She's got her own way of playing... so when she turned too quickly, her rickity little back legs gave out a bit and she plopped down. Poor old girl. She popped back up and was still playful.

May 8, 2007
12:17 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there cyndra - yep, we have some hope now that we see our furs getting better. Thank God, really. Now that it feels like they'll be okay, I'm not so stressed about everything else that's been going on. I don't know how you people with kids do it.

smarterone -

I know this is scary for you right now, and I know that it doesn't seem like there are very many places to turn. But you do have choices. I HATE money issues with a passion, but if you can take the emotion out of this situation long enough to get organized, you CAN get to the light at the end of this tunnel. You've already realized that you can't stay in the house any longer and have made plans to leave. That is a HUGE step. Being 56, and on someone's couch, is a is a necessity right now. It's a TEMPORARY solution at this point, and there is not a thing to be ashamed of. There is no particular age where all troubles seem to cease, and we are guaranteed an easy life. Trouble comes and goes throughtout our entire life... so don't be so hard on yourself.

My suggestion is to cram everything that you possibly can into your car and hightail it outa there. Give yourself a week at your girlfriends to get settled and decompress. Then begin to make some decisions about your situation. First of all, if you're truly serious about not going back, then you need to make arrangements to take your name off of the lease, and make the phonecalls necessary to take any utilities out of your name. If that means cancelling your services and having them shut off in a matter of weeks, then that's what you may need to do. If you're not going back, you'll need to simply tell your son and bf that they will be responsible for resuming utility service in their own name as of (whatever date you choose). If that freaks them out... good. Your bf may learn quickly that electricity is more important than a damn cell phone - and possibly realize that his free ride has ended. Put in a change of address at the Post Office so all of your mail and the final utility bills come to you. It's a simple form that takes two minutes to fill out. I wouldn't trust your son or your bf to get your mail to you. I don't know what sort of arrangement you have with your landlord, but I'm sure if you explained the situation, he would work with you to get you out from under the responsibility. Let your son and your bf decide if they want to stay there or not - but why should the responsilbity of maintaining a house that you're not even living in, lie with YOU? Forget it. If they choose not to stay, then they become instantly responsible for taking care of themselves, and you're finally free of that burden. Slowly but surely, with each decision made, you'll gain the confidence and strength to make the next decision. And it's about time that you started to make decisions that benefitted YOU instead of those around you. You've already made a HUGE decision to get out of there. The others that follow, are simple compared to the one you just made. I'm proud of you for taking that step. I know it's scary and I know you'll feel guilty initially, but it's going to take some time and effort to get to feeling better, but I know you can get there. I KNOW you can. Wouldn't it be nice to wake up knowing that you're only responsible for yourself? Knowing that you had enough money to pay your own bills because you didn't have to feed and pay the bills of people in your home that took advantage of your kindness? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to save a little money here and there to go to the dentist, or to buy yourself something, or to go out to lunch with your girlfriends? You can have all of those simple things that you're giving up right now. Just a series of decisions based on YOUR needs could get you there. Let me know how you are, smarterone... I'll be around today :o)

May 8, 2007
7:23 pm
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smarterone
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Shaney, i know im going next wk, if i should stay or not, one day at a time. It hurts just to think, but in reading your words, makes me feel good.
Im happy to hear your dogs are improving with time. Losing my baby, was like losing my soul. Take care of yourself. Havent even had the time or clearnessof brain to ask how all is with your marriage. Hope all is well.
Cyndra: A couch will do fine, ill sleep in peace, thank you
Siniho: BUmp me up where ever you want, peace please
I posted updates on my other thread "smarter" also. Once again i have given into letting him use my car for a job interview that he has to go back tomorrow. If i didnt speak to temp org. i wouldnt believe. I told him, can you not see you re killing me. He says i know, but i dont mean to this kid is lost in space and doesnt know it. Or does he and im not the one to set him on the right path anymore. im worn out. I want to be fun loving person, i was.Thank you all, my little lifesavers. Of course mikey came home from work and fell asleep, wkday, wkends, day, nite, give me a break, i know he is tired but my life is 24/7 here. No friends, family, nothing.

May 8, 2007
9:08 pm
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((((Shaney)))) ((((Smarterone))))

Smarterone, I´m glad for you that Shaney can be so caring and express everything so well in writing. It´s almost as if she had walked in your shoes.

Keeping you both in my prayers!

May 8, 2007
11:18 pm
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sdesigns
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Hey Shaney, this is a bit off topic but- is M working on the fires at Griffith Park? I saw them on the news and was just up at a clients house in Palos Verdes and we could see the flames from here. Looks really bad. Just wondering.

SD

May 9, 2007
9:33 am
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smarterone
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Morning ladies,
Thanks sini, your words are endearing also. We are having bad fires here too. I hope allis well and safe. Love to all of you FRIENDS>

May 9, 2007
10:46 am
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Shaney
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Hey there sd - M just went on duty again this morning, but his station didn't have to go to that fire. Since I've been with him, he's really only had to go on 3 or 4 big fires, where he was gone for several days. I have a feeling that this year will be a big year for fires. He's been dying to go on one. Thanks for asking :o). I've got to get back over to Darn Dating... I see something about a brit? I'll have to catch up. Hope you're well :o)

(((SD))) (((SINI))) (((SMARTERONE)))

May 9, 2007
11:55 am
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ggfred4
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Shaney,

I was just starting to feel safe again to post my feelings...think i will step back...I am a wuss.

gg

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