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So tired of everything - Shaney
April 30, 2007
11:37 pm
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Anonymous
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WOW! Shah-niee! Let me try to be a bit of a empathetic reader, pounding bag, sounding board, but most of all a cyberfriend whose cyber hugs are more needed and overdue.

Your spirit says it all! "I'll move back. I'll drive a fucked up car. I just want my girl to be okay." Well, from what I understood it´s not time to put down Shaney-girl and she CAN make it even if with a tick or a limp here and there. It´ll just be the scar of a warrior who knows a good fight. So... lets ask HP to remind us he´s doing His work and the doctors theirs. The fact that you and hubbie love your pets so much is the best medicine. Let me go by parts...

Now, Shaney, I´d postpone my tooth implant for another year (just may have to) just to see you "flipping your f*cking lid about your hubbie. What can I say about men that they´ll NOT reply to, pretend they didn´t read, procrastinate answering on deadline "whenever" (which they read as never), will not take the time to take a stand - and this is not reverse psycology, I mean, so that they´ll do). I guess we have to give it to them that they´re raised differently, need to stash every bit of energy for the war that´ll never comence... Like one day they´ll have to change a tire for you. Then when you change a tire, they´re amazed, yeah, amazed that they´ll have to do you one up (hows that expression? You know, I love English expressions.

Now you´re lucky that you can show your resentment by not talking to him for a day and a half. I had an xh that thought aloud, how do you pretend youre not listening, yeah, I know you just do and forget to do what he asked you to, but mine was a pro, he could get around every couple´s war strategy!

Let´s hope M+meds=s improvement. You mentioned once, I think, that it did make a difference, does it? Is it action he´s taking or what? Playing with your fears for his potential meltdown? You sure know where Ive been and family negligence has been part of a good treatment, for me, at least, as a codependent and all. That way I had the right sieblings.

In reality, I think we all perform poorly because of fear of something. Now don´t be afraid that you´ll another member in the family to care for, it seems you already do and reacted well flipping your lid (what a great analogy / visual)! Is your h´s job stressing him out? I´m not sure that was the drama you referred to.

Your hours of rest are terribly important. We´re just humans. I hope you can put back some hours of zzzz´s asap. Maybe there is a lesson in your struggle otherwise you´d have more help. Having energy is vital not just to clean the house. The thing is, a clean house does improve one´s mood, even if you begrudge it when you start cleaning.

The three offers on your house seems like a warimng up to something good. Crossing fingers here, which by the way, here it does mean the same thing 😉 Shaney, I know you haven´t lost your humor, so bear with me...

I understand your concern about your car. It´s become a shelter as much as a means of transportation. I was robbed at a taxi van about ten days ago. The robber was armed and shot onto the floor to scare us passengers. I even got a slight spark on my foot (had sandals on - which now I sadly packed for the winter).

And on top of it all, maybe just to give us perspective, you feel for realtor, your mom and yur mom´s best firend (whose daughter kiled herself).

Well, Shaney, with all this, I think that even repressed me would have have given a hoot, actually two, blowing steam off and then would haven flipped my lid off, too. Let´s maybe lean against each other a bit as two drunken men walking down a dark alley. To emerge on the other side fully recovered adn ready to go hit mainstreet stores (without credit cards 😉

Sending you a big hug,

May 1, 2007
6:18 am
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thedogsmom
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Hello Shaney,
Hugs to you. Hard to be happy when you're not sleeping and have had the stressors you've had in your life for so long. Just moving ranks really high on the stress test! Selling a house is certainly one that ranks high too... For women who know nothing of cars- car trouble is a VERY big stressor! and of course there is $$$$! add to that your inconsiderate Hubby! and the MOST important thing- worrying about the health of your beloved best friends..is enough to drive a strong - patient - wise and beautiful woman like you---truly MAD!
I'm praying for the health of Shaney and Sam. I know about vestibular conditions in humans and also asked my vet friend about it and she said the same stuff you wrote about. That likely- its vestibular syndrome which adult geriatric humans also get.

The bad part is the nausea and illness your dog feels when she has the vertigo.

The good news is that it usually resolves itself in 1-3 weeks. What medication did she give Shaney? For humans they usually give meclizine or another anti-dizziness pill,and sometimes valium and/or an anti-nausea medication. They recommend fluids and bedrest.

For longterm vestibular problems in humans they sometimes give head excercises or the physicians perform Epley Maneuvers- where the doctor lies you on a table and flips your body in a series of different positions to relieve the dizziness. Sometimes one series of Epley maneuvers can alleviate the dizziness entirely.

The balance mechanism is filled with fluids and otoliths (otoliths are little crystal like "rocks in your head " that float within fluids in the semi-circular canals-tubes in the inner ear. As we move these 'rocks' land and compress on the vestibular nerve which-sends a spatial message to the brain telling us where our feet are -relative to our heads.

When we spin and spin around like we did as children-- these crystals float around--- and when we abruptly stop- these crystals are still floating so our brain thinks we are still moving and it feels as if we are- we are momentarily dizzy until the crystals land in the right spot.

As we age, we move quicker than these rocks in our head move and our brain gets confused as to where we are in space and we lose our balance. That is why we doctors recommend that older people should stand and rise "slowly" and sit on the edge of the bed before rising to give these rocks a chance to fall in the correct position. Sometimes these rocks get 'lodged' and the positioning Eply maneuvers FORCE the rocks through the semi-circular tubes and we are no longer dizzy.

Sometimes just doing head excercises helps to re-train your brain to develop new spatial-information to agree with the positioning of the misplaced 'rocks in your head'.

I wonder if a holistic/alternative veterinarian would know how to perform these maneuvers for Shaney-- or if acupuncture would help? The good news is this usually resolves itself - even without any treatment.

Your husbands comment " So I'm going to be stuck at home all day watching Shaney "FOR YOU!!!". Really got my blood boiling! For you?? First of all WHY NOT 'FOR YOU?".. You certainly are a godsend 'for him!!" I often think how lucky your husband is to have a strong and witty woman like you to stand by his side!
and it's "For Shaney"! And yes- sometimes we are 'stuck' doing things that are difficult like caregiving to those we love.

Oh well-- he is only a man-- after all! they just don't get it sometimes! (sorry to offend you wonderful men out there!! just sometimes difficult to relate).

What else makes me really mad - is that I just handed over my dads truck to my guy as his farewell to help him out of here.... and then think about good people like YOU! who are MUCH more deserving of the help! should have taken that truck to a womans shelter and gave it somebody who is trying to help themselves!
Wish I could help you more-- but I'll pray to my Buddah for a good nights rest for you and for Shaney and Sam to HEal!
TDM

May 1, 2007
7:51 am
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bevdee
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(((Shaney))) (((Dogs)))

I wanted to send you some calming energy today. I know exactly how you feel. The dog I had for 11 years was diagnosed with a thyroid tumor after a surgery on his ACL, and I thought I was going to die from my heartache. I took him to a veterinary oncologist and he had chemo for a while. It didn't get better of course, but it bought him (us) another year. I have debated the wisdom of that decision- still do, sometimes.

I will talk to you later sweetie.

May 1, 2007
12:33 pm
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Shaney
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What GREAT posts from you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart - the support means SO much to me right now. It's so funny to me that I don't even open up to my (real) friends, as much as I open up to you guys. Thank you for making me feel so cared for.

Sini - I'm really down, but I still can laugh out loud - for sure. Thank you for writing to me with all of your thoughts - you know your posts always make me smile. ROBBED IN A CAB???!!! You've GOT to be kidding me. I hope that you're okay. It sounds as though you are - which is so great, Sini. A year ago, this incident would have sent you into orbit... but you seem to be so much better these days. I love it.

dogsmom - thank you for that wonderfully insightful information! I'm copying that so I can really try some of these other remedies out. The second episode really seems to have rung her bell. It's taking her a LOT longer to recover than the first time. Today will be a week, and she's still stumbling around. But I'm remaining as hopeful as I can. She is an active 14 year old, aside from this recent setback - so I'm hoping and praying to get her back to, at the very least, a comfortable state. The vet gave her and anti-inflamatory med and an antibiotic for any inflamation or infection in her ear. And it seemed to knock it right out of her after the first episode. At this point she's not on any meds other than an occasional meclizine pill. She hasn't lost her appetite AT ALL and always drinks a ton of water... so I'm taking those as good signs.

As far as Samson goes, the vet called last night with his biopsy results - and apparently one of his 6 tumors was cancerous. I just wanted to die. M came home and I had to break the news to him. He flipped. He can't take any more heartache either. We have a few options as far treatment for Sam, and after M talks to the vet today, we'll decide what to do. Poor Sam. I dropped him off at my father in laws today so he can watch him, and Shaney is here at work with me. She still can't be left alone - maybe in a few days - we'll see.

Hey bev, my fellow animal lover. I'm sorry to hear about your pooch. I've had two dogs with cancer. Kemo was an option with only one of them, and I opted not to go that route. But only because it would have extended his life for another month or two at the most. I would have decided otherwise if he would have lived another year. I think you made the right decision. :o) Thanks for sharing Bev - you're a good friend.

Love and hugs to all of you - I'll be back later today. M is on duty for the next couple of days, so I'll be manning both dogs at night. They're pretty calm when they're with me, so I'll do most of my writing at night. Thank again - Shaney

May 1, 2007
12:40 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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shaney...I haven't been posting much...but want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

some people just get poured on instead of little rain showers...just know that you will make it thru this storm and sunshine and rainbows await you on the other side...even if you can't see it now.

I am sorry your babies are hurting and all the other stresses on you...I will keep you all in my prayers and hope that things resolve soon.

May 1, 2007
12:48 pm
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Ugh. Shaney. Situational depression. Feeling a bit out of control; feeling hopeless; feeling that things will never change (You've been here before, yes?). Feeling unsupported. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

If this is what you're feeling...it's not permanent. Whooo. Sigh of relief. I remember two years ago when everything was tainted because my engagement had ended. My life was covered in a greasy film of doom. Food didn't taste good, I couldn't sleep at night, so I was tired all day. All I wanted to do was talk about my situation. I went through the motions, but didn't seem like anything was putting life back into my life. And it seemed like one negative thing after another was happening which magnified the doom.

I have to say, you seem to have been having a run chaos in your life. And. This too shall pass.

I wonder if it's that helpless feeling that finally puts us over? That we have no control over situations or circumstances (as with your dog; as with selling the house.) Be positive Shaney--like attracts like. Things will change for the better, you're in a temporary situation.

I admire you Shaney. You always have time to support the others here, and you have great perspective WITH HUMOR added in. I have grown to really look forward to your posts,You've helped me tons. I thank you...

I haven't said anything that anyone else hasn't--just wanted you to know I think you're a fabulous person...and give you a big hug. Kisses. Hugs. Shaney. Kisses. Hugs.

May 1, 2007
2:17 pm
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(((Shaney)))

May 2, 2007
2:44 am
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((((((((((((((Sam & Shaney))))))))))
((((((((((((((Shaney & M))))))))))))

OH no Shaney! more heartbreaking news about Sam. Cancer is such a scary word. While dogs experience fear and pain,, I don't think they tend to worry about death or dying like we do. So in Shaney's case - while you think she may be 'afraid' as she has these attacks and feels sick- I don't think she is 'afraid' that something is terribly wrong with her and that she won't recover. Dogs eating is always a good sign.

As far as poor Sam and his cancerous tumor. I too don't believe that he knows or worries that this will kill him- like humans do - and then humans often tend to fall into depression and anxiety which only harms the immune system. Sam on the other hand will not have those fears and so as long as he is not in pain and he is getting the attention he needs- his body can try to heal. Thank goodness- dogs don't worry and lose sleep like we do letting these horrible thoughts of doom swim around in their heads! It sounds like your dogs are plenty loved and spoiled and have led a VERY good life because of YOU and your husband-
so whatever you decide to do for them
you have to know and remember that!
I don't mean to make you cry- wish I could think of something funny to say- but then YOU are the funny one!
I just want to let you know I am thinking and praying for all of you!
TDM

May 2, 2007
9:24 am
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Hey shaney, i thin the last time i spoke to you, was right after your honeymoon. I have been having bad times and i do understand you sadness and financial woes.
My dog of 14 yrs was killed last year in front of me by a german shephard. I will never feel that pain again. And now, my cars both died, my 31 yr old, ex addict son is still here and draining me, the enabler i am, living on disability, my bank acct overdrew so bad, i have no money and had to go to a food bank for food. Thats how bad off i am, i could only give my landlord a portion of my rent and have two weeks before more comes in. Good luck girl.
Oh and the H thing, i agree, they just dont get it, everything is your responsiblity, didnt you know that?

May 2, 2007
1:32 pm
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Shaney
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I have some good news believe it or not. Shaney began to show signs of improvement yesterday. Her balance is coming back, and yesterday she even sat up in the car while I drove instead of lying down. When I made turns, she actually leaned into them, instead of falling over. Progress for our old Shaney girl.

I also talked to the Vet on the phone last night for a while, about Samson. I feel much better actually. The mass cell tumor that the dr. removed isn't the type of cancer that just sprints straight to the vital organs and kills you. He rated Sam's tumor a 2 - which means that it will more than likely return, or spread to make more mass cell tumors, if not treated. He suggested doing surgery one more time to take out the tissue around where the tumor used to be. When he told me WHICH particular tumor contained the bad cells, I remember that tumor having been there for 6-plus years. We thought it was an old hernia from when he was a search and rescue dog. The fact that the tumor has lived in Sams body for more than half his life, was a good sign, according to the doctor. These tumors, although they may grow back, typically behave the same as the one that was previously removed. Since Sam is already 9 years old, that is great news to me. I asked the dr. to aspirate the tumors that were too small to take out during the first surgery, so that he could take care the ones that may look suspicious, during Sam's next surgery. We'll see what happens, but we're hopeful that this won't actually kill him in the next few years. The dr. seemed pretty optimistic. Thank GOD.

rising - thank you for your thoughts... I hope everything is going okay for you these days.

2b - Your post helped me put things into perspective. Thank you. I know all of this CAN'T last, and it WILL pass. I'm not usually one to get depressed, but you've pretty much summed up how I've been feeling. I'm glad it's temporary :o). And thank you for the super kind compliments. Whoa... those thoughts definitely put a smile on my face!

(((mich)))

dogsmom - Yep... I hate the cancer word. I've lost two dogs to cancer, and both were devastating, to say the least. As long as the dr. remains positive, M and I will do everything possible to make Sam happy and healthy. I'll keep you up to date on what's happening. Hey... have you reclaimed your home yet?

Boy o boy, smarterone - we MUST be sailing through the same shit storm, for sure. Draining.... that's all I can say. I'm so sorry that your son is still making you crazy. My God - as if your situation isn't bad enough with the cars, the money issues and what happened to your poor dog last year, the added stress of your son has to be unbearable. I'm SO sorry. I'm going to say some extra prayers for you... and send some strength vibes your way - you definitely deserve them more than I do. I'll be thinking of you :o)

May 3, 2007
9:47 am
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(((shaney))) Thinking of you today....

Mich

May 3, 2007
11:46 am
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Shaney
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Knowing what you're going through Mich, your hugs and thoughts mean the world to me. Thank you...

((((Mich))))

May 3, 2007
12:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Shaney...

I try VERY hard with my pain, to not allow it to stop me from caring about others. I try VERY hard to not focus on me alone....and that isn't always easy for me. BUT...I do care about you, as I do MANY people here. I appreciate all of the love and support that people here offer. And I try VERY hard to return that same thing.

Love you and care about you LOTS.

Mich

(((Shaney)))

May 3, 2007
12:34 pm
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(((Shaney)))

Sending postive thoughts your way.

Love,
Lolli

May 3, 2007
1:27 pm
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Thanks Shaney. Good news with the dogs. They are the best ones in our lives. They dont deserve the pain and sorrow.
I really can use anything i can get spiritually. Today, im sick in bed, the doc says its my nerves. Last month i actually commited myself for three days. The men dont get it. I have nothing, absolutely nothing left that i worked so hard for all my life. Did i tell you my husband, who i am going to court May 15, to divorce, is incarcerated since 2000. Thats when the second half of bad luck began, the first was being born to an abusive father. Well, all i have is the Lord. My mom, this week in ny sent message dont come her way. My son is a total waste and drain. My b/f, he does no harm, but is too calm, i know that is good, but share the grief please. Do something extra to make it better. I dont know, i know this, i have to live alone. Either it will be the make it or break it move for me. God bless you honey and keep me posted.

May 3, 2007
3:18 pm
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I've been reading along, Shaney...how is your girl today? Still improving, I hope? Didn't you say she was part border collie or am I dreaming? I'm trying to visualize her and send her a big ol' beef bone to gnaw on...

What about Sam? You said he was a service dog? Wowie...

And how are YOU holding up?

H.

May 3, 2007
4:09 pm
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Shaney
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Thanks lolli :o)

smarterone - I sat at my desk and said a big prayer for you. I sure hope you feel better soon - it sounds like you really need to remain healthy at all times in order to deal with all that life has thrown at you. Wow. My heart really goes out to you. When you're dealt a crummy hand in life, you really have to learn to make the best decisions possible... and that's hard, considering the rough start that you had. My hope is that you can make those good decisions, and stick to them, all the while keeping in mind that YOU are the most imortant factor in all of this. Try to stay hopeful, in light of all that is going on, and I'll keep you in my prayers, my friend.

Hgal - thanks for stopping in. Shaney and Sam are home alone for the first time in two weeks. They both seem to be doing well enough to be left alone. Shaney is walking a bit of straighter line than she was, and Sam is feeling good, but still has the cone around his neck. He's doing well with it though. Shaney is really really pretty. She's about 50 pounds and has a typical border collie body (even though she is half springer spaniel too), with a little extra weight :o). She's black and white, velvety soft med. length hair, but her markings are really unique. Black top with full white collar, white tipped tail, white underside and legs with a little black dappling, two black ears, and an all white face except for the perfect circle pirate patch on her left eye. She's so cute. And Sam is extremely handsome. He was a search dog with M, but he's retired now. I've always thought of him as being this handsome superhero in the dog world. Funny huh? Anyway... thank you for checking in... I'm doing pretty good, thanks.

May 3, 2007
4:31 pm
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Honolulugal
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OH!!!! I can SEE her now! Sweet pups...the power of positive thinking is working. I'm just tickled...goodie.

H.

May 3, 2007
4:37 pm
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Shaney!! yippee. I'm so glad to hear the good news. That shaney is walking around and almost recovered! and especially that the vet gave encouraging news about Sams cancer!

you will be happy to hear that I joined the New No Contact club (although - he returned last night for a bit) and you can read my update there when you have time.
gotta get back to work.
TDM

May 3, 2007
5:12 pm
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Shaney
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In my post, I wrote mass cell... when I meant "mast" cell tumors. Not that it matters... but hey.

Hey dogsmom... I'll read your post immediately.

(((dogsmom)))

(((hgal)))

May 4, 2007
12:39 am
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((((((((((Shaney)))))))))))

So good to know there´s been progress with both Shaney-pooh and Samson!! You´re all very brave to sail through this.

You´re right, about a year ago, I´d flip for being robbed 3X in two years! First with kids and 2 armed robbers, second with a man hitting me lightly on the shoulders, and third with 2 armed men and one gunshot. I now believe things are thougher the first time around, especially since the kids were in danger.

So keep plowing through your ordeal, I know there´s a safe margin for you to reach where you all will peace and serenity! You have each other. We often forget that life ordeals are much tougher alone!

hugs,

May 4, 2007
12:45 am
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smarterone
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Thanks Shaney~
Im so happy the dogs are home now and you seem to be there for them in this time. They give so much love, its so hard to not love them back, if i knew then what i know now, i would have just animals, no children. Sorry, but that is truly how i feel. Shaney i hope all is peaceful with you and i will keep both you and your precious pets in my prayers.

May 4, 2007
1:04 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Shaney, I am sending aspecial prayer to you and your loved animals ( shaney and Sam)..They are a special gift to you and I know you love them very much. My thoughts and prayers are with you, horsefly

May 4, 2007
9:30 am
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smarterone
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Morning shaney, new day, same shhit,son in bedroom with a girl. No work. Cant take much more. Only way out is to go, either with or w/o b/f, i dont know. He is begging me to not leave him, he says he loves me so much and knows that the beautiful person he met is inside trapped from my son. He is right.

May 4, 2007
9:28 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there sini - I can't believe you've been robbed that many times! I think that we can all use some peace and serenity, at the very least. M is gone all weekend and so I'm here with the dogs, and some extra freelance work that I've got to do before Monday. I think it'll be a relaxing weekend. Let's hope. :o)

Thank you, horsefly - I appreciate your prayers. They must be working... Shaney is even a little better today, and Sam woke up feeling really great too. He goes in for his surgery next Friday... but he's really acting his old happy self today.

Thanks again smarterone... yep, we don't have any kids... except for our dogs. It works for us so far! I'll be keeping you in my prayers too, my friend.

I got Sam a new collar - an alternative to the evil cone collar. He seems to really be comfortable in it. It's actually inflatable, and looks like a blue donut around his neck. It allows him to see all around him, but still keeps him from licking his stitches. I'm throwing the crappy plastic one away.

Our house is about 10 days into escrow now. So far so good. All of your prayers and good wishes must be working. Thank you SO SO MUCH! I'm feeling hopeful today, and looking forward to a weekend with my dogs :o).Lovin you all - Shaney

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