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So tired of everything - Shaney
April 28, 2007
3:02 pm
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Shaney
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I'm just venting. I'm tired and I'm emotional, and I finally have a moment to myself...well kind of. My dogs, Shaney and Sam are both sick. I've been up and down with them all night long, for days and days, and I'm just SO tired. They're both sleeping right now, and when I look at them I just cry. Shaney, is my 14 year old girl who has seen me through the worst times in my life. At this point, I'm not sure if she's going to make it, and it's just killing me. She's got geriatric vestibular disease which makes it hard for her to keep her balance. It's like vertigo. She falls, her eyes tick back and forth, and she needs constant care - help to stand and eat, help walking, help to go potty. I took her to work the last couple of days, because I can't leave her alone. She's had two stroke-like episodes in the last week and a half. When she had the first, I took her to the emergency room, then to my vet the next morning. With meds, she started to show improvement right away. Then four days after the first episode, she had another. She doesn't seem to be getting much better this time, and I'm really scared. So is she, I can tell. She has the will to do everything that she normally does on her own, she just doesn't have the motor skills, and she would fall and hurt herself if unattended. She's with me constantly...never alone. That's fine with me.

Then there's Sam who is 9 and just had 6 tumors removed. He'll get better, but needs just as much attention as Shaney right now. He's got the cone on his head and can't maneuver around or go potty by himself either. So both dogs need around the clock attention and can't be left alone.

My h helps some, but I, of course do 99% of what needs to be done. He sleeps through the dogs whining to go out, or be moved to a different position. I don't get it, but it pisses me off to no end. Especially because he's on an 8-day off cycle and doesn't have to leave for work at 6am like I do. Then yesterday he asked me, "So am I going to be stuck at home all day watching Shaney for you?" I flipped my fucking lid at that point... after being up with BOTH of our dogs for days now, without any of his help. He's got eight fucking days off in a row! Is he kidding me? My h is a spoiled brat and always has been, so I don't know why I would expect any different right now. It pisses me off and is just one more thing to add to my grief. But he's got grief too. We're both morbidly depressed right now, it's no wonder we're fighting like this. But there are things that you just HAVE to step up and do, right? You can't just ignore what life is handing you, and check out. It's hard.

My car's check engine light just came on for the 10th time this month. What now. I've already dumped $2000 (on my credit card since I have NO money) into it and it still isn't functioning. I have to get rid of it, but can't afford to get a new car until our house sells. I commute an hour to work and have had one too many close calls as far as breaking down on the freeway this last month. Breaking down would scare the shit out of me, since it's still dark in the morning when I leave for work.

For those that don't know, we sold our house twice, and both times it fell out of escrow. The last time it fell out, we had already moved and signed a lease for a rental in another town. We've been managing (barely) two mortgages for almost 3 months now. We're struggling financially, which is another stress for my h and me. We had to let our current realtor go because the house hadn't sold (successfully) in almost 8 months. He was a friend of ours, so that separation was really hard emotionally. We got another realtor over two weeks ago, and he got three offers on the house. One went into escrow on Tuesday last week. Great news for us, right? It will be the answer to many of our current issues. But I can't get excited about it. I'm afraid it's going to fall out of escrow, like the others. And I know that if it does, we're going to have to pack up and move back. The thought of moving back sickens me. I'm trying to be happy that the house finally sold, but I'm just not happy about anything right now. I want Shaney to get better - that's all I want. I'll move back. I'll drive a fucked up car. I just want my girl to be okay.

I feel like I can't get away from the turmoil. I'm so sad, and I can't seem to pull myself out of it. Even something that I should be happy about (the house) isn't making me happy.

My mom called me yesterday and her best friend's daughter just killed herself. She took a bunch of pills. It's a horrible situation. The daughter left her mom a letter - it was heartwrenching, but gave her mom a little bit of closure. It answered some questions and eased her mind. In the midst of such a horrific situation, I'm thankful for that letter. That whole thing made me think twice about my own situation. I'm overwhelmed, but I'm still lucky.

Anyway, thanks for reading. My dogs are both sleeping right now, so I'm going to make myself something to eat. I know that I'll be okay, I've just been so sad and depressed. That isn't like me either... I usually just keep plowing through life when stuff happens. But not this time. I just want SOMETHING to get better here soon, so I can feel somewhat stable again. Love - Shaney

April 28, 2007
3:17 pm
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fantas
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(((((((((Shaney))))))))...Hang in there...this too shall pass!! Spoil yourself today:)

April 28, 2007
3:33 pm
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(((Sweet Shaney)))) thinking of you today in all this turmoil. I know all about thes battles...they are so hard, but give them all to HP. Keeping you & yours in my prayers.

April 28, 2007
5:15 pm
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turnabout
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((((((((((Shaney))))))))))) You sound so overwhelmed. I'm so sorry to hear it.

Speaking of your h, I was just having a discussion with a gf at lunch today about how it's hard to tell what a person needs when they're going through something. Sometimes they're overwhelmed and just need understanding. That's the best thing we can do for them. But sometimes they just need a swift kick in the a**! How can we tell which thing they need more and is the better way to handle them?

I think your h needs a swift kick in the a**.

April 28, 2007
5:38 pm
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((((Shaney)))),

I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time lately. I wish I could be there for you.

Instead I will just send you a cyber hug and positive thoughts for you and our Shaney girl.

I'll keep my fingers crossed on the house.

Love ya girlfriend,

Lolli

April 28, 2007
9:12 pm
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Shaney
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Thanks everyone :o).

(((fantas ~ Ras ~ TraCo ~ Loll)))

I stayed in my pajamas all day and tried to sleep on the couch when the dogs slept. I slept a little here and there, but I look in the mirror and my eyes are puffy with dark circles. I'm definitely not feeling very cute. And I was considering KIDS? I can't even imagine.

And yes, M needs an ass kicking... FOR SURE. He knows I have to get up for work at 5am, he can see me struggling to get a 60 pound dog off the bed, and he HAS to hear me when I get up 10-12 times at night. He's just a lazy, spoiled brat who KNOWS that I won't just lay there when I hear the dogs struggling. Maybe it's that motherly instinct, where you can hear what's going on with your babies, even when you sleep. I was actually asking him for help up until he made that crappy comment about being stuck at home with Shaney. I'm not asking again. I let him know how I felt about that, and we didn't talk for a day and a half. So, there you have it. I'll do what I have to do, because I want my dogs to get better. I'll deal with M later. ;o\.

I had a good cry today when I was writing all of this out. I actually feel a little better right now. Tired, but better emotionally. M is home from work and so I'm going to take a shower... maybe an extra long bath... and let him take care of the dogs for a while.

Thanks for the support and all the hugs girls... I need them. Lovin you guys as always - Shaney

April 28, 2007
9:34 pm
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(((((Shaney)))))

I'm just dashing out... no time to write much..... but wanted to send a very big cyberhug to you and your two sweet dogs. Poor little Shaney-dog. She has been with you through so much, and how heartwrenching it must be to be having to make The Decision on her behalf. And I want to smack your spoiled-brat-of-a-husband for you, I do!

At least you have perspective, know you'll get through this, and know that despite it all you really are lucky. Glad you can come here to vent.

must run....
lots of love, kroiks

April 28, 2007
9:42 pm
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cyndra820
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(((((Shaney)))))

I am so sorry the dogs are sick. Having dealt with sick dogs myself I know how hard it is.

We had a dog who had epilepsy and suffered from cluster seizures. His last cluster caused brain damage and we had to make the painful decision to ease his pain. It was not an easy decision and we delayed it as long as we could. Our vet helped us a great deal. He reminded us that we can choose to NOT let them suffer. It is our last act of love for them.

I don't know much about Shaney's condition, but if she needs constsnt care, is not happy, is clearly afraid of what is going on I am so very sorry. What opinion does the vet have? What are the chances for improvement after the two stroke like episodes?

I know that our pets who have been with us through our tumultuous times are extremely valuable to us. I have a fifteen year old cat and he is beyond priceless to me. He is having another episode with his bladder. This is the second time he's had it and he is now on a regiment of antibiotics.

Shaney, I'm sorry that you are so depressed and the dogs are sick and the house isn't selling. I'll send "don't let the house fall through" vibes to you and healing thoughts to the dogs. I do hope you can find some time to take care of yourself. Yeah, I know that is hard!!!

I've got a group of friends that shake sense into husbands. I'll loan them to you if you'd like! 🙂

Love,
Cyndra

April 28, 2007
10:53 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there kroiks and cyndra :o)

I can always count on you two for hugs and support. Thanks so much. I copied a brief (somewhat brief) explaination of vestibular disease in old dogs. The vet is treating her for the inner-ear form of the disease. She responded quickly the first time and is taking much longer to recover after the last episode. Her balance is still pretty off, falling ocassionally, and her head is REALLY tilted to one side. She's still eating and drinking, so that's a good sign. It's been about 4 days since her second episode, so I'm waiting to see if it improves with some time. By the middle of next week, I'll probably take her back to the vet. Let's hope for the best, and hope that it isn't cancer or a tumor. She is still very active, but just can't seem to get her bearings. She's still very sharp for a 14 year old, but lacks the motor skills. She's coping, though. Putting her down would be pemature at this point. None of us are quite ready for that either. Ugh.

She and Sam are my biggest priority right now. Everything else seems secondary and not as important. Shaney has become very clingy because I have been spending 24 hours a day with her. When I leave the room, she instantly begins to look for me. Sam is usually the one who won't leave my side, but he can't even see right now, because of that damn cone. He'll be just fine, he always is.

Thanks again for the love and support. I can always count on the people here - that never changes - and it's a great feeling. Thanks - love - Shaney

April 28, 2007
10:55 pm
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Shaney
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Here's the breakdown...

Vestibular Syndrome

 There is a syndrome, variously referred to as peripheral vestibular syndrome (the current "preferred name"), geriatric vestibular syndrome and idiopathic vestibular syndrome. This disorder is more common in older dogs and thus the name geriatric vestibular syndrome -- but it can occur in middle aged dogs, too, so the name was changed. Idiopathic just means "happens for no known cause" -- so it is a good name but not the preferred one. It does sum up the situation well, though. For some reason dogs can suddenly develop vestibular disease. The problem seems to be due to inflammation in the nerves connecting the inner ear to the cerebellum (which controls balance and spatial orientation). It usually lasts between a couple of days and three weeks. A few dogs have residual signs beyond this time, such as a head tilt. This disease normally affects dogs that seem normal up until the signs appear. Then there is sudden loss of balance with many dogs unable to even stand up. Rythmic eye motion known as nystagmus is usually present. Dogs may be nauseous from the "sea sickness" effect of vestibular disease. Most dogs will not eat or drink unless hand fed or given water by hand because they have a hard time with the fine motor movements necessary to eat or drink from a bowl. As long as they are nursed through this condition almost all dogs will recover. There is no known treatment. Some dogs do have relapses but most do not.

Peripheral vestibular disease can be confused with anything that will cause cerebellar damage or inner ear disease. Inner ear infections are probably the most common cause of similar symptoms and if recovery does not progress satisfactorily it is a good idea to do whatever testing seems necessary to rule out inner ear problems, such as ear examination and X-rays. Cancer affecting the cerebellum, the peripheral nerves to the cerebellum or the inner ear can cause similar signs. In golden retrievers lymphoma is a common cancer problem that can cause CNS signs. Trauma is a possible problem that could be confused with peripheral vestibular syndrome if brain damage occurs. Granulometous meningoencephalitis (GME). Infarcts (blood clotting leading to lack of circulation in part of the brain) occur in some dogs. If the damage to the brain is minimal then recovery may occur quickly. If the damage is severe, recovery may not occur at all. I do not know the incidence of infarcts affecting the brain in dogs but I think it is pretty low.

Even when dogs do not recover fully from peripheral vestibular syndrome they normally have a good life. They adjust to residual problems like head tilts and do not seem all that bothered by them. If progress towards recovery is not evident, then the other disorders mentioned above need to be considered.

April 28, 2007
11:00 pm
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Shaney
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cyndra - seizures in dogs is so so hard to handle. My mom had two dogs that experienced seizures. One was put down recently, and the other one is still going strong. Cluster seizures sound terrifying. I'm so sorry about your dog. And if my h doesn't experience a major attitude adjustment soon, I'll take you up on the "loan." Thanks again... :o)

April 29, 2007
11:54 am
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((hi shaney)) hope today is better...and my prayers are with your dog Shaney....and i do hope your hubby stops whining and helps out more, yes, 8 days off, he should be doing alot more.

I know the feeling of living on credit cards, ha, i do do, paying bills it sucks cuz bills keep going up but my pay keeps staying the same.

Just remember Shaney, you are surviving, which is good, and keep a good attitude and know that when everything seems down, you still have you and a life, hope that makes sense.

I do hope your car gets fixed, and hopefully saving some extra money, if possible for the car bill.

Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and for your beloved dog Shaney too!

love, camer

April 29, 2007
5:28 pm
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readyforachange
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(((Shaney))) when it rains it pours, huh? I hope you are having a better day today. I'll keep praying for you okay? Hang in there...

April 29, 2007
5:31 pm
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(((Shaney))) sending positive thoughts your way.....gg

April 29, 2007
6:16 pm
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(((Shaney))) My heart is with you....

Thinking of you sweetheart....

Mich

(((Shaney)))

April 29, 2007
6:23 pm
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Shaney
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(((CAMER)))(((gg)))(((ready)))

Thank you girls - I appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

Today feels better. I got 7 hours of sleep last night and it's made all the difference in the world. I took Shaney in the bedroom with me last night, and M took Sam and slept in the living room - so we shared the duties. Shaney only got up only one time... thank GOD. I think she looks a little better today, and Sam definitely looks better. Plus he's getting used to his cone.

M and I went to eat lunch, and barracaded the dogs in the living room, so they couldn't get into trouble. M helped me grocery shop AND put the groceries away when we got home. Improvement :o).

Today I have some energy, so I cleaned the house, which feels much better. I haven't had any motivation or energy for the past week and a half and the house has totally gone to shit. I can tell that we both feel less depressed now that the house is clean and we got to get out of the house for a couple of hours to relax.

M expressed to me last night that he feels he needs to go see a therapist and possibly resume his meds. He said he's never been so depressed before and it's affecting everything he does (and doesn't do). He apologized to me for being that way. M+meds has equalled disaster in the past, but if he feels that low, then I understand his need to take some sort of action. On top of everything else, the last thing we need is for him to have a meltdown.

Anyway - just an update. Thank you again for the support. :o) - lovin' you guys - Shaney

April 29, 2007
6:25 pm
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Shaney
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We must have posted at the same time Mich - thank you for everything, my friend. I feel okay today - definitely a good thing. ((Mich))

April 29, 2007
7:09 pm
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Hi Shaney: So glad to hear that M understand he's not pulling his weight. You are the type (like me) that always operates in whirlwind mode, getting a pile of things done always, but always thinking there is more to do.

Sometimes it is OK to not do everything. And in your case, M should be able to help you, even if its just doing some chores, especially if he's off for 8 days in a row. Do you have a division of household responsibilities?

Did you have both of your dogs before you met M? Is he as attached as you are? You always seem to mention you're the one who takes them to the vet, walks them etc. Just curious.

((((Shaney))))

SD

April 29, 2007
8:01 pm
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Shaney
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Yep sd, I'm an over-doer - like you I can't relax if I know there are things to be done. I know that everything doesn't necessarily HAVE to be done, and I'm working on that.

M has come a long way since we've been together. He went from doing nothing and living in a huge mess 24/7 (as a bachelor), to appreciating when the house is clean once I moved in, and helping out some. SOME is the key word. His list of chores is shorter than mine, for sure. It could be control on my part and laziness on his... I think it's both. He was spoiled by his parents (still is), and I spoil him too... just not as much. He can definitely do more than he does, though.

As far as our dogs, I had Shaney and he had Sam before we met. Well, his dad had Sam until I moved in, then I took him. When M bought his house, it was too much trouble to have Sam at his house with his schedule, so he left him at his parents house. I hated that decision, because Sam didn't have a very stimulating life there. As soon as I moved in, I went and picked up Sam. M LOVES the dogs - both of them. He lays on the floor and kisses them and tells them that he loves them about 20 times a day. He usually takes Sam to the vet, and I usually take Shaney... mainly because Sam is 100 pounds and if he needs to be hoisted into the car, M can do it. And we usually both take the dogs on a walk... I can't handle the both of them. The last time I took both of them out, they went after another dog that was walking on the other side of the street, and dragged me on my knees after them.

Aside from being on the lazy side, and knowing that I'll jump up and tend to their every whim... I think he's afraid of them when their sick like they are. He looks at them and wells when he sees them struggle. The dogs definitely look to me for help, though, and seem more calm when I'm helping them. But I also think M just KNOWS that I'll tend to them. I don't know. I just know it's irritating as hell. He's at work for the next two days. I'll have a break from that drama - but I'll have two sick dogs to tend to... and my job. It will be interesting. I'm just hoping that they'll start to get better soon, so I can leave one or both alone during the day while I'm at work. Thanks for the hug, sd. (((SD)))

April 29, 2007
8:39 pm
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Shaney, Sweetie, I cannot believe all the stress you've been going through.

We've done the OMG Sell, House, SELL!! thing. We have tried to be good friends to a man who lost his son to suicide 2 yrs ago.

And we've had a long string of dogs (and cats) that we've loved....the most pathetic was "Houston", who was hit by a car and had a cast on the back half of him for 6 weeks. I'd set him up on his big doggie bed with tons of toys and chew bones and try to go do something....if I was gone too long, he would drag his mangled little body (sideways) to where I was.

So glad to hear things are getting a little better.

April 29, 2007
10:35 pm
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Shaney
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My GAWWWD Brynnie - Houston used to drag his little body to you when you left the room? Ugh... truly heartwrenching.

And the house that won't sell, and the great friends that couldn't sell it. Yes, you certainly understand the torture of it all. We feel SO guilty for finally taking it away from him, but it had been 8 MONTHS! We were losing too much money for the sake of trying to be kind to this man. I think you really know how we feel.

Shaney just dove off of the couch onto Sam and his body full of stiches, because I left the room for a split second. Now Shaney is limping, on top of everything else. Great.

Serenity now.

Thanks for your support Brynnie :o)

April 29, 2007
11:36 pm
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Shaney

I know how it feels to go through what you have been through with your babies. My thoughts are with you. (((Puppies)))

I hope you will be able to get some rest, and I hope that this house situation works out for you soon.

(((Shaney))) (((Shaney's old man?)))

April 30, 2007
8:24 pm
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(((Shaney)))

April 30, 2007
9:09 pm
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Shaney
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Thank you army :o)... It's good to hear from you. (((army)))

April 30, 2007
10:17 pm
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Hey, poor Shaney! Brace yourself for landing when everything is resolved. It seems like you´re like the girl in the Wizard of Oz (what was her name), trying to get back to your inner peace while dragging everybody with yuo.

I am just reading this all now. Sorry I missed it. I missed you, too, but just now trying to spin off a whirlwind and land for a little bit after such a bumpy ride of missing appts, running after the clock. Gosh, pets, they are in some ways even more human than us and we get so attached to them.

I can´t believe I´m complaining Mitzie isn´t quite covering her numbers 1&2 very well (gotta change the sand mix) and goes into hunting mode too often for my taste. She then just has to lightly bite and scratch my hands, as if they were mice on the keyboard, when she´s not hunting the arrow on the screen.

Shaney, hang in there. Let me read more. big hug,

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