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so much in pain... and don't know what to do...
September 13, 2005
5:03 pm
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painfullyinlove
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September 24, 2010
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i've been seeing for close to 6 months now... i went into the relationship wrong, thinking that i could make him fall in love with me...but it just doesn't work that way does it... i am never happy... always thinking of what he's doing from the moment he's not with and when he's with me, i think about what he's thinking of, how to please him and how i'll cope when this ends... it'll end cos he's graduating this fall and will be moving on... without me... god, it is so painful counting down the days but i don't know how to let him know i don'yt want it to end... i am completely losing myself and i see it and know it but can't help it... god... he is my first and that factors into why i am holding on to him so much... calling him all the time. will the pain stop eventually? he's not even gone yet but i am already in so much pain.

September 13, 2005
7:36 pm
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lessthanalive
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September 24, 2010
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sound to me hunny like theres a bit too much focus on this guy rather than on you..but then again thats why were all here:) i know it hurts but you cant change another. there is only one thing in the world that we can change and thats ourselves. and yes the pain will subside and it helps to know that you NEED pain in order to heal properly. every loss brings new oppertunity and believe me i know this pain. i am all up in it as we speak!! but know your not alone and it sucks but there is nothing to be done except for accepting it and hurting. hugs...

September 13, 2005
7:57 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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sooo true, we need to change ourselves and put more love into our own lives, and focus on our wants and needs.

Try reading some coda books, attend local coda meetings, and keep busy with your own hobbies, interests & friends...remember a man is only a PART of your life, not your complete life.

(((hugs to you)))

camer

September 14, 2005
3:32 am
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lessthanalive
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OHH!!!theres this book that i swear saved my life when i was where you are. its called "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love" and it walks you through all this suckieness. plus its like 5 bucks:) also i wanted to say that in your post you said you "loseing yourself." but i promise you your not. when we love people and sacrifice such a huge part of ourselves for that love and then it goes away we fell like that though. but let it put a fire in your spirit! DAMN IT! It Is time to rebuild yourself as a woman! although it doesnt feel like it now, one door wont close without a whole realm of doors opening and this is a glorious oppertunity! so feel that pain as crappy as it is and own it like the mighty amazon warrier you are and you will come out better in the end. i promise...

September 14, 2005
3:44 am
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Lass
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I read somewhere online recently that it's like playing a slot machine: we keep wanting the payoff after our investment.

If you haven't read it elsewhere yet, the trick pony is to not react to him at all. Don't call. Don't write. Don't answer. Disengage. Only then does healing really begin -- when we're not the flopping fish out of water.

Love,
Lass

September 14, 2005
12:06 pm
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taj64
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It is time for you to heal for yourself. Have you read the codependency book by Melody Beattie. It is wonderful book. It opens your eyes to your own behavior. You have a love obsession. It takes time to withdraw from it. It is painful. But important to feel this pain and let it go. It is going to take time also. Read as much as you can, talk on the site, and work on yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you will attract someone healthier for you, one that can be there for you and not use you. Love should not be painful.

September 14, 2005
1:23 pm
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painfullyinlove
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thank you all for these words of advise and support. the advise and things you all said should make so much sense to me and are probably words of advise that i'll have given some one else months ago before i fell into the situation like this but now it's like i've fallen into a pit and having so much difficulty climbing out of it... i'm just thankful i found this forum and can draw strength from many others who are in the similar situations... the trick now is for me to not fall into the pit again. i seem to climb out of it a little and fall deeper into whenever he shows me the slightest bit of attention. it makes me sound pathetic but trust me, i never know i could be like this until i met him... i need to remember the person i was before him and be able to rationalize that i can be fine without him... but thank you all anyway, esp for the advise as well as the book recommendations.

September 15, 2005
1:18 pm
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lessthanalive
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your welcome:)

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