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So Much Death, What Now?
August 22, 2001
12:10 pm
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pg lova
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Just last week, a friend of mine died in a car accident. A drunk driver hit him at speeds in excess of 80 MPH and when I went to his wake, I was severely traumatized by what I saw, half of his face missing, and his head was severed from his body. The funeral home tried to put him back together and rebuild these things, but I could still tell. My sister and two friends went to support me, but even with them being there, I still felt traumatized, besides they can't always be there and I knew eventually I'd have to go through it alone. Then, on Monday my Aunt passed away from Lung Cancer. They thought she'd make a full recovery because she was only diagnosed with Pneumonia (a wrong diagnosis). Now, I'm feeling real down. Why so much death, what can I do? I'm still deeply affected by my friend's passing and now, my aunt too. The family is here right now, but they too can't always be here. What do I do now, during the grief? What in the aftermath once the visits are over and the funeral is through? If anyone can help me, I'd surely appreciate it.

God Bless,

PG Lova

August 22, 2001
2:44 pm
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Windslasher
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Dear PG Lova

I felt sorry about it. By the way, sometime, things are just beyond our control.

Some time, we need to face the facts of life, we need to be die one day. I am saying this not to put on more load to u. Let put it in this way, if ur friend are able to live after the accident, with those serious injury on for the rest of his life, u be feeling worst as u may start to blame the unfairness of life. I hope that u may use a more +ve in these view. I understand that it is hard too, but just give urself a try.

I believe, even they had passed, they will not wish that u be in ur current stage. They will hope that u will be strong and live on the life in a happier way. They will also wish that u will make full use of the time in ur life. There are several worse case out there wanting for people to assist them. Why not, try to be one of those helper and assist them, then to be one of them.

If I had any that hurt u, I am sorry for that. I really hope that u be strong and face life more happily.

Regards

Windslasher

August 22, 2001
5:54 pm
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silence
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Ick. I can't stand that. The one thing that makes me sick are those open casket viewings. The last thing I want to see is the face of a dead body. Especially if they are mutilated beyond recognition. I don't know about other people, but I'm comfortable letting people go without seeing their dead faces.

August 22, 2001
8:35 pm
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seabiscuit
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PG: I know what you speak of. I lost my wife 2 yrs ago to ovarian cancer. I'm 32 years old now. How do you deal with this kind of stuff when you've supposedly got a whole life in front of you? Gracie, my wife, was my best friend and lover. She was IT for me... she's what made me psyched about getting up every morning. She's the one who made my heart skip. She was the one I enjoyed watching many a sunset evening after evening. She was the one whom I never grew tired of holding her hand wherever we went. And then, seemingly in an instant, she was gone.

The truth is, PG, you don't really "deal" with a death like this, other than you just have to learn to live with it. You mourn. You feel cheated. You're angry. You start cursing God - or whoever - and you start to question why life is so unfair. But in the end, the reality of it all is you just have to move on.

How you choose to live with it is the key. For me, I was just plain sick of feeling sorry for myself. There's only so much "why me!!!!" you can take. I missed her SO MUCH that I ended up taking the focus away from the precious little time we got to spend together, and instead started to turn my attention to my own feelings of hurt and anguish. It really stunk.... it was the lowest point in my life. I felt so alone and inept....

But everyone wallows in misery in their own way, and I went through every emotional turn imaginable. But after a while you just have to suck it up. There's a day - I'm not quite sure when exactly - when you suddenly start to feel the courage to do so. I know it sounds harsh and almost blunt in a way, but it's the honest to God truth. You eventually WANT to suck it up.

The truth is, we all have to deal with the issue of "death" sooner or later and as a species we are somewhat cursed to know there's an inevitable "END" to everything in life. It's just a part of the natural procession of life... There's a time to mourn our loss, yet eventually we do have to move on --- and I'm confident you will, PG. I never thought I could, but after a certain point, I started to realize that it was a glorious chapter in my life that was precious and special to me. I began to feel truly blessed that I had the opportunity to spend time with this wonderful person. But I soon realized that as time passed, I felt the need to move forward. It's not to say I will forget her EVER... or anyone else whom I love that passes into the night for that matter, but there are new chapters to write, PG... and that's what makes it all the more amazing; to know that you can cherish a point in your life and still look forward to more.

I hope this helps shed some light. It's a hard road, I know. No one says this is an easy thing to deal with. But time does heal the wounds and you'll soon realize what I did: that as much as life may appear unfair, it still is truly a gift that's worth the trip!

August 23, 2001
10:30 am
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pg lova
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Thank you all for your input. To Silence, I completely understand where you're coming from, I almost didn't go for that very reason. Simply, I didn't want to see his mutilated body. Thanks for understanding. THanks also to Windslasher and Seabiscuit. I feel as though I'm doing a little better, but that grief is still there. If I'd had some time to prepare for the deaths, I would have been okay, but they were just sprung on me so suddenly, and now it's like Lord, what next? How much longer do I have to endure? I am really trying to be strong, but it hurts. I guess the hardest thing is that neither person ever said goodbye and then, me, if I'd have known they'd be gone, I could have at least told my aunt once more that I loved her and my friend, I would have at least had the chance to tell him what a wonderful friend he was. I guess that's the greatest source of my hurt and seeing the body in the casket only added to it for my friend and it'll do the same for me when I see my aunt tomorrow. I'm holding on to God's hand through this, but the road still seems too long and too far. But I thank you all for your support, you all have been a great source of strength to me n the midst of my adversity.

PG Lova

August 23, 2001
11:47 am
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Windslasher
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That is good to hear that you are doing a little better, though the grief is still there. Sometime, we still must let time to heal it, but at the same time, you must try ur best too. Have to try to get someone close to talk about ur feeling? It might be helpful at this point of time. Or maybe you can try to talk with their family and try to claim them down. I understand the second idea is hard, but at least it can help u to feel better as u know that at the least, u are doing something for them. I really hope that you be fully recover from your emotion depress soon. If there is anything which hurt u, I am very very sorry about it.

All the best! -Windslasher.

August 26, 2001
10:01 am
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pg lova
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Thanks Windslasher. The funeral is over now and I am doing even better than I was when I wrote the previous frame. When I went in and looked at the casket, I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Then, I felt as though a heavy weight was lifted off of my shoulder. I still miss her and there's nothing more I can do, but I can at least say that I have begun to find some type of closure for my pain. Now, I'll just have to let time heal the rest of it. Just like Jesus said "He'll never put more on us than we can bear." Therefore, I now know I'm going to be just fine.

Thanks everyone who helped me,

PG Lova

August 26, 2001
12:30 pm
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Windslasher
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That is really nice to hear that u are recovering from ur emotions. I sincerely wish u all the best in ur future and be happy at all time.

Regards -Windslasher.

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