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So many situations revolve around drinking, how can I handle this...
May 1, 2007
7:07 pm
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balancesekr
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So my new therapist wants me to stop drinking, this way I can get clear, and recenter myself since I have been numbing for a very long time.

Cinco day Mayo is coming up, I got invited to a party, which is cool. I also got invited to a bacherelette (i cant spell it!) party. Great, except they are major drinking occasions. I don't want to keep myself from these social occassions but if I put myself there, I know I will drink most likely.

Anyone have advice or experience with this? Maybe after a week or so of not drinking I will be able to be around it without doing it?

thanks,
b

May 1, 2007
7:26 pm
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on my way
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Has he offered any other way to quit drinking than to tell you "Just quit" like it would be the easiest thing in the world for you to do?? Not easy to just quit, depending on the severity of the drinking. Is your's severe? If so, then yep you will drink at the parties. If not, then drink a healthy limit of one or one and a half.

So easy to tell someone to quit drinking when to some it is the same as going without food or water.

May 4, 2007
10:20 am
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balancesekr
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hi on my way,

Thanks for posting. I guess nobody else has any experience with this one.

I am not really sure of any other ways to quit besides just stopping, are you?

My drinking gets out of control pretty easily. Although yesterday I had 2 glasses of wine and I was able to stop, even though I wanted to open up a new bottle and drink the whole thing.

It was very difficult to not drink more, so I conclude that right now I can't really have just one, so if I do go to the party, I need to make a deal with myself to drink seltzer and just have fun without it, cause with it, it eventually becomes no fun cause I lose control of myself.

b

May 4, 2007
11:07 am
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gracenotes
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balance,

I don't drink much. I just don't care about drinking. I find if I have a glass in my hand at a party, no one really notices what I am drinking. You can also tell people that you are the designated driver, and, really, you are the designed driver for yourself. I just don't make a big deal about it. But, I also have found activities in my life that do not involve drinking.

To me, it seems that people who have problems with drinking are the only ones bothered if someone else is not drinking. Other more social drinkers don't care and it makes perfect sense to them that some people just don't drink. In reality, everyone does not drink alcohol anyway. I have several friends who don't drink at all.

Good for you to make a deal to not drink at all at this party. Seltzer, or bring something you really enjoy. One drink is one too many. Being sober at a drinking party is an interesting experience as you can observe how people really act when they are drinking.

May 4, 2007
11:14 am
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risingfromtheashes
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balance...perhaps AA meetings will help you quit, or at least give you tools to help you in social situations.

In the meantime, if it means turning down social engagements, so you don't drink, then do it...it sucks, but sometimes, the best way to have willpower is avoid the temptation all together.

My brother's gf has been sober six months now...and NOW her physical cravings are gone and she can say no to a drink and not feel "challenged" by the physical cravings.

But prior to this, it was hard...and the temptation was too great.

I am addicted to sugar...one bite is the kiss of death...I will often avoid social situations (birthday parties with cake) in order to avoid being tempted...cuz otherwise, I struggle the whole time with trying to force myself to be happy and not have cake, when really, my body WANTS the damn cake...and then I really am not enjoying myself much at all.

Nobody should expect you to drink...but I know some people are very pushy about "one drink won't hurt"...and those are the types to avoid at all costs...they aren't your friends if they push you to do something you need to avoid.

May 4, 2007
11:22 am
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on my way
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that sounds like a good plan to me. if you can stop and only drink seltzer then that is great. come to think of it, let's give you and your therapist more credit, your therapist would not have said that unless he thought you could...you agree?

May 5, 2007
8:35 pm
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AQueen
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As a person who has been in recovery for about one year I know it's very hard to stop drinking or drugging. There is a huge difference between just not drinking aka being a dry drunk and being in recovery. In recovery we learn how to live life on life's terms. We learn to deal with our emotions instead of numbing them. We cut the crap basically and get really honest with ourselves. We work through our issues behind our use by seeing a counselor and attending some kind of support group. Anyone that has trouble "controlling" their drinking has a problem. If your behavior gets out of control due to excessive drinking there is a problem. It's not the end of the world though, we do recover! There is life after alcohol.The sooner someone admits they have a problem the sooner they can get started addressing that problem. In recovery we learn about "slippery" places. Slippery place for you could be parties because alcohol is consumed there and you are used to drinking at parties and it would be hard not to partake in drinking when attending such an event. For me a slippery place would be hanging out with old friends I used to use with. When I got clean I had to totally change me life. I was pregnant and there was no time like the present to stop using so I did with the help of a weekly support group and treatment. I still attend outpatient treatment a year later. My life is so different now, it's wonderful! Oh yeah when we first quit we try to hang out with people we used to party with. We might not slip the first few times hanging out but eventually if we continue to hang out we will slip. Recovering alcoholic don't hang out in bars for a reason, it's lame when your sober. I wish you luck, just know it's not as easy as not picking up that drink. The addiction goes much deeper than you think. Attending support groups makes it so much easier. You will probably have to attend a few different ones at first until you find one that suits you, has the type of people you tend to click with and so forth. For instance a meeting full of homeless drunks probably wouldn't work for you because you don't fit in and would have a hard time relating. You find a group that works for you. It took me time to find one that I felt really comfortable at.
AQueen

May 6, 2007
2:32 pm
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gracenotes
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AQueen,

That's a great post. I have several friends who attend AA. They say many of the same things.

As one who does not care about drinking, I am all too well aware of the subtle pressures of having to drink in certain situations. Last week I got together with a friend from my previous job. We usually walk and eat, but that evening she asked me to join her at a Mexican Restaurant. I assumed we were going to have dinner, maybe go to the mall. Sadly, she was also drinking with with work buddy at the bar. I don't like hanging at bars, but I pulled up a seat. I was taking antibiotics and last thing I needed was to sabotage things with alcohol. So, I ordered ice tea. My friend, who has lost tons of weight and swore off drinking, was obviously back at it.

She had such a way of talking to me to almost demean me over my choice not to drink alcohol and suggested I come over her apartment sometime so we could all get drunk. After about an hour or so, I left feeling angry and hungry. Pressure to drink when I didn't want to annoyed me. To top if off, she and her husband, who showed up 30 minutes later, were off to have dinner, and they didn't think of asking me. I went home and ate my myself.

My friend was doing so well, was so proud of all the weight so lost, and talked about how great it was to not want to drink, but now she is back to her selfish, drinking self. I'm moving soon, and I am dropping her from my friends list. I just don't want to be around this. She's not a pleasant person when she drinks too much, and not people aren't anyway, if you really give it some thought.

May 6, 2007
2:35 pm
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gracenotes
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Sorry for all the typos. Didn't take the time to reread, hope its understandable.

May 6, 2007
2:42 pm
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Pom 34
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From my experience (10 years around recovering addicts/alcoholics, the rest of my life around functioning/using addicts) It's not STOPPING the drinking where the focus lies. Just don't START drinking. AA has a simple plan, but they will tell you it is not easy. It's not the drinking that is the problem; it's why you drink. These can be scary issues to look at, but if you really want to get better and good for you for going into this with a therapist, then maybe you could simply follow directions from your therapist. (AA will tell you that, too -just follow directions)
Try not to have any expectations. Just see what happens. Sometimes, when we take the garbage out the universe will conspire to help us! Frees up room for good stuff if the "bad" stuff is gone.
Hang in there, we are here! Try a meeting... You don't even have to speak, just try to listen. Pom 34

May 6, 2007
2:45 pm
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Pom 34
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One more thing!

Miracles really do happen in the rooms of AA. You see them happen for others and then you want this for yourself, so you do what they did to have them. See, simple! 🙂 Pom 34

May 7, 2007
9:47 am
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balancesekr
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Hi everyone! Thanks for all the posts, my internet connection sucked this weekend.

gracenotes, I am getting more comfortable with just saying I am driving, or making up some kind of simple answer for not drinking. Its true you can have a glass of seltzer and nobody will really know unless they ask.

rising, I did check out an AA meeting this weekend. I hate to say it, but I feel like I belonged there. It was kind of magical. I felt a little strange cause there are all different walks of life in the room, but I dont have to be able to relate or like everyone there or something. You are right, the pushers are the people I need to avoid. The girl who I am supposed to go to the bachelorette party with seems like one of those, so I may have to cancel on that one, even though I feel bad cause I said I would go. I am not sure what excuse to use. I dont want to say I am trying not to drink cause we work together.

AQueen, I checked out a meeting and I am going to a therapist. I am sure as time goes on, I am going to see that my life will change and who I hang around with and what I choose to do will as well. I was able to go to a slippery place last night and drink seltzer. I drank 7 drinks all week. Not bad, considering I usually drink way more. I know I have to discipline myself and get serious about changing. This week I am hoping for 0 drinks.

Pom34, The meeting was magical, I felt the power and it felt really cool to be around all those people straight. Even last night I was so much more focused. It is not starting drinking, right on.

I drink to escape. I defintely feel shame when I think about how long I have numbed myself. I am not sure how I am going to deal with this shame and guilt, I am taking it as it comes right now!

b

May 7, 2007
9:52 am
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risingfromtheashes
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good job!

it is hard admitting you have a problem...but that's the first step.

You could always tell your friend you have a prior commitment you forgot about, apologize, and send a nice gift.

It is hard to realize we are doing self destructive stuff...but sounds like you are on the right track to fixing it.

good job.

May 7, 2007
10:50 am
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Pom 34
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Good for you B!

Now, if you can just talk yourself in to picking a regular meeting that you like, that could be good for you. Things will come up in recovery just like they do in counceling and you'll need experienced people to help you out. That's what it's all about, you are never alone!
Hang in there and I will think good thoughts for you today! -Pom 34

May 7, 2007
12:55 pm
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AQueen
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AA sounds like a great choice. I remember when I was at that trying to control it phase, "I'll use one more week then off to rehab, "Or I'll only use a couple times this week insead of daily." The thing is if we were able to control our drinking so well we wouldn't have a problem controlling it in the first place. The first step is to admit we are powerless and that is a hard one to accept but it's true. Keep attending meetings and hang out for a little bit afterwards so you can talk and meet people, find a sponsor to work the steps with. The therapy is a good thing but don't get discouraged if you don't get a lot of help and understand from your therapist, not all of them experiance dealing with alcoholism and substance abuse. Make friends in recovery. Many people are still drinking when they first enter the rooms of AA, but the ones that want to quit find a sponsor and start working the steps to make it happen.
AQUEEN
Good luck!

May 10, 2007
9:45 am
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balancesekr
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I just wanted to post quickly, I have to interview someone in a minute, the first time I ever interviewed someone.

No drinks for 5 days so far! I am proud of myself. I find it difficult, I have wanted to drink and I have almost given in, but didnt.

I made a list of meetings, one for every single day and I have it in my bag.

May 10, 2007
9:50 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I am proud of you too...you seem to be very sincere about wanting to change your habits...you deserve to be proud of yourself...you have come far!

May 10, 2007
11:04 am
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balancesekr
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thanks rising 🙂

I just realize that I can't live this way anymore, it just doesn't work, being in constant conflict and confusion is not where I wanna hang out.

It is scary trying to be just straight up, in the moment and knowing what I want. I don't totally know what I want yet, but I now the drinking has to stop for now at least, maybe for good.

More and more I realize the people I compare myself to or get myself down about cause they seem so much: prettier, happy, focused, secure, the more I know that I can do that for myself and I can be that person, I already have that all within me.

b

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