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So I'm not alone after all
February 12, 2004
5:44 pm
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charl39
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Hi. I'm new - male, 44, second wife left me for another man Nov 25, have been thru hell and back since then. I was absolutely devastated, more so because I was blissfully happy in our relationship and missed all the signs. Finally (at first wife's insistence) sought therapy. Therapist suggests I have codependent tendencies. I'd never heard the term before, so when I got home I googled it and found the list of characteristics. Every single one applies to me except maybe #10 about the clothing. And I thought I was fine... no wonder she left me. I'm about to start on what looks like a long journey of recovery and it's good to see that there is a community of people out there that share their experiences.

Hope to make some friends here... I guess you know what it's like to have a relationship dissolve and find out you only have one or two friends of your own, all the rest are actually your ex's friends.

c39

February 12, 2004
5:56 pm
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Anonymous
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The thing to remember is that if it wasn't meant to be it won't be, and I know it hurts, I bet it does, but you have to think of it this way, YOU deserve better, YOU deserve to have someone love you as much as you love them, AND YOU are worth it, and that I think is the hardest thing to realize

February 12, 2004
6:03 pm
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charl39
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The funny (or sad) thing is that my first wife (R) has been incredibly supportive through this whole thing - and I was the one who deserted her. I can only now understand how much I hurt her, because I'm going through the same thing now that my second wife (J) has left me... I don't want to rush back to R because I know my judgement is unreliable, but knowing that there's someone out there who still loves me is such a temptation. But I realise I have this 'problem' (if you like) and I've got to fix it, even if it takes months or years, before I can let myself go in a relationship again...

February 12, 2004
6:07 pm
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Anonymous
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You need to take care of your problem without having someone else there to help you figure it out, you are right, and the thing is that you might find out a lot about yourself if you do it alone, like how much strenght you do have, but remember this, as tempting as it is to be with someone because you don't want to be alone, remember it is not fair to that person.

February 12, 2004
6:07 pm
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Anonymous
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You need to take care of your problem without having someone else there to help you figure it out, you are right, and the thing is that you might find out a lot about yourself if you do it alone, like how much strenght you do have, but remember this, as tempting as it is to be with someone because you don't want to be alone, remember it is not fair to that person.

February 12, 2004
6:09 pm
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charl39
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You are so right about that.

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