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So I left him...
November 16, 2003
1:43 am
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Squeezles
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Yes. He ordered me out of HIS house. For about the 3rd time in 4 weeks. And apparently 'this time he was REALLY serious'. He even got my sunglasses out of the car for me. Isn't he sweet? And the last thing he said to me was "I want your house key back by the way!"

What time are you headed off to bed?

November 16, 2003
1:47 am
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silence
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sometime around 6 AM I'll fall asleep.

But I still need to make myself some lunch. Or dinner. Whatever the hell it should be called at this time of night.

November 16, 2003
8:43 am
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mj
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Are you still around Sqeezles?

November 16, 2003
11:16 am
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unhappy camper
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Squeezles

You can veg out if you need to. When the time comes you will find the strength to deal with your situation. You can rent a single furnished room for a short while if nothing else is available. You could go to a shelter.

Do you have any money? There are agencies there to help you. Try the Salvation Army. Let them guide you.

Just ask for help if you need it. If you don't, then make arrangements. If things were getting steadily worse with him, it looks like the writing was on the wall.

Perhaps you both may get back together but don't do it without couple counseling. When things are sour, they don't sweeten up for long.

Best wishes,
camper

November 16, 2003
11:44 am
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Zinnie
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You said that he drove up just as you were getting on the bus?

So, is it over or not? Also, why can you not go to your folks for a few days perhaps telling them that you are working a few things out?

There are phone numbers here on the site to 24 hour assistance if you need a place to stay.

Are you O.K.?

Z.

November 16, 2003
6:33 pm
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Squeezles
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Hi MJ. I waited up for you, but I guess you slept in on Sunday 🙂

Things are OKish. We called a truce. I didn't sleep much last night.

Thank you Camper and Zinnie. No, I have no money. I'm a full time student with only part time work. I have about US$1500 to my name - of which half will be going to him in two days to pay back money I owe him. Pathetic, huh? I guess theoretically I could go back to my parents for a few days, but I've spent a lot of time trying to break free of their grasps and expectations of me that I don't really want to go back. I'd rather sleep in my office and eat packet soup then beg from anyone. And the numbers aren't applicable to me - I'm in Australia.

November 16, 2003
7:16 pm
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Zinnie
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Can you shower at the gym there at school?

What are your plans for living in the long run? Is there a possibility you may have to live with your parents at least for the short term until you can get on your feet.

If you called a truce, is it absolutely necessary for you to pay him this money right away, or can you work out something so you can get on your feet?

Brainstorming here.

Zinnie

November 16, 2003
8:12 pm
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mj
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Hugs Dear Friend....
I have been trying to spend more time with my husband building on our relationship.

So did you go back to bf's?

Is that the truce?

Wishing you lots of love and peace.

November 16, 2003
10:12 pm
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tooscared
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Hey Squeezles. Big hug from me right now. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I didn't realize that you guys were having this serious of a problem to cause a break up. I know that you don't want to go back to your parent's house or ask for money or anything. But I know that as a parent myself, I would pray that my daughter would come to me if she needed help. Hopefully your parents won't judge you or give you a hard time right now. You just need a little help in figuring things out and seeing what is next for you.

Whatever you decide, please know that people do care on here and we will be around whenever you need to talk. It might not always be an immediate response, but there will be one. ((((((Squeezles))))))
Love, TS

November 17, 2003
1:11 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hey Lady, gosh that's a hard thing you're having to go through. Given how strong and logical you are about everything, you will find a route out of the whirlwind you are in right now. But just because you're smart and level-headed doesn't mean that it's easy. Wish there was something I could do other than say hello, but I and others are listening.

What finally happened? And can you get Oscar back?

November 17, 2003
4:40 pm
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eve
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Hugs, squeezles!

Camping in the office sounds adventurous. You could go swimming instead of showering. And you'll need a place to wash your clothes.

He's propably a scumbag for throwing you out - what happened? Do make sure that he gives you back *everything* of yor stuff. And some of the stuff that you bought together.

November 17, 2003
7:25 pm
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Squeezles
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Thanks everyone for caring :o)

So, yeah, I've been re-instated at home now. He decided that since he beeped and I looked at him when he pulled up the bus stop and I got on the bus anyway that he'd leave me be for a while. He contacted me about 8 hours later.

So what started it? I don't know stupid stuff. I'm grumpy and impatient, which I admit is true. My Mum was/is like that. Yikes! I'm turning into my Mum. He irritates me because I find him 'slow' and often inefficient and I'm often not good at hiding that fact (I'm trying, but it's hard). I guess he's getting sick of my 'moods'. Says he's put up with it for so long, that his 'threshold' for it has 'snapped' and now he reacts to small things that if you just shrugged and said "Oh well" it would go away. Him reacting causes it to become a MAJOR issue. But it's not fair of him not to react to what he perceives as injustices is it, though?

He's been saying for weeks now that we were so 'perfect' in the beginning. Which is true. Hard to believe, but for 6 months we never had an argument. Not one moment of irritation. Honeymoon period? He says that changed when we moved in together (sort of around the 6 month mark). Ahh well yeah, now instead of being around each other for 8 hours a day, we're around each other for about 15 (minus work, and we chat all day at work anyway). Isn't it normal to get 'snitchy' with each other when you live together, I ask him? Yes, but we were never like that. So what do you want me to do? Move out? No...err...just pointing it out.

He calls me "Mum" when he deems that I'm 'organising' him. After seeing him in the same shirt for 3 days I ask if he has a clean one. "Err no as none of them are ironed." "Well I haven't seen any in the wash. I'll iron them if you put them out". *sing songy voice* Al-rig-ht! Y-e-s M-u-m". He knows how to do household chores - not necessarily how I'd consider the 'best' way, but I've learnt to let go. But his parents NEVER taught him about all the other fundamentals - Is this fruit ripe? Is this good quality meat? Is this worth the price? He happily lets me pick the groceries - in fact practically insists on it. He prefers me to select a few 'options' and then he determines what he finds to be 'acceptable' (he's a picky eater and so everything has to pass his approval or he won't eat it). Am I being bossy when I march down the ailse picking stuff? If I don't take the initiative then he wanders past me aimlessly. Yet when we had to buy a dessert for people coming over and we stand outside the frozen dessert section. I ask him what he'd prefer. "Whatever. You decide." "OK, how about some icecream, or what about a continental danish? You love those!" "No I don't! YOU love those. We only get those all the time because YOU pick them out so now you think that that's what I like too! We always do what YOU want".

Yayaya. Apparently we only do what I want on the weekends. We only go where I want. We only buy what I want. Do we? I don't know. Maybe because he doesn't have an opinion on anything? Maybe he really does defer to my wishes intentionally or not to make me happy? In 10 years time is he going to be resentful of me, just like the woman who has to give up her job to look after the kids because that's what her husband wants?

November 17, 2003
7:33 pm
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gingerleigh
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All such good questions, Squeezles. Keep on pondering, I think you're on to something here...

November 17, 2003
7:52 pm
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Squeezles
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Him telling me to 'leave' triggers something in me. I feel like I'm 14 again and my Mum is kicking me out of her house. Again. That's what she used to do whenever something I did didn't meet her expectations. I resent her for doing that - like I'm just a piece of garbage that once she gets tired of she can throw away and not have to deal with anymore. But it's OK, because I have my Dad's place to stay at, right? No, it's not OK. You don't tell a 14 year old who is depressed at her parents divorce that if she doesn't smarten up, she can leave and whatever she can't carry with her will become HER property for her to sell. And no, don't think you're coming back here because I'm renting out your room. Every time P tells me to leave I feel like that 14 year old kid again. Someone who has no say because I don't contribute adequately enough to the household.

November 17, 2003
8:01 pm
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mj
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I totally understand your issues, Squeezles. I too was kicked out at almost 16 and I have such abandonment issues that I am always the first to run out the door at any sign of rejection.

Arguing is a good sign. If you kept all this stuff in...you both would be silently suffering a lifetime.

November 17, 2003
8:04 pm
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mj
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Check out the site marriagebuilders on the net. Look at the questionaires. Hubby and I spent some time yesterday, answering the recreational questionaire. It was interesting to find that we shared about two of the same recreational activities. At least we know now honestly what we enjoy doing together.

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