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so alone
June 13, 2007
6:16 am
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bluewillow
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Im new here, I just need someone to talk to. My story is quite long, please bear with me. I have been with this man for 7 years he is the father of my yongest daughter. When he came into my life, I thought he was my knight in shinning armour. I had been in a previous relationship that was very emotional and physically abusive. I had finally found someone who really loved me and cared about me. 4 years into the relationship I found out he had cheated on me, I confronted him and that same night he moved out and in with her. After a few weeks we talked and he told me I had made him feel unloved and unappreciated it was me who had pushed him away. We ended up back together again, but in the meantime I had gone and had leagl custody papers drawen up which gave me primary care and maintanance. We were together for another year and split up again, We got back together but decided not to live together, and he agreeded to pay the support(whearas before he didnt because we lived together). Well he paid me for the fist couple of monthes and then it just kinda got less and less being the idiot that i am i let it slide. This brings me to now. In January I found out he was cheating on me again. I went to maintanance enforcment and they were going to garnish him, everyone was telling me to not let him get away with this, but i was so afraid of him hating me forever i was very hesitant to do so, but i did. This is so pathetic but i would phone him and beg him to please come back and it wasnt getting me anywhere, i was completly devastated. I ended up going on antidepressants, i was a mess. One night he called me, he came over and he said he wanted to try again he realized he didnt want to lose me. I was so happy i thought that day would never come. This was in March. I ended up dropping the ganishment lowering the support payments and changing the order to sharred custody. I was so afraid that if i didnt agree he would leave again omg im such an idiot. Well a week ago today i found out he had cheated again he tried to deny it but i just wouldnt let it go, he got very angry and told me he was done this wasnt going to work. So here i am now feeling so maniputlated and hurt and alone, I really believed he wanted it to work everything was great. And im so hurt right now, and the worst part is if he walked through that door right now and said he wanted to be with me i would do it. Im so ashamed to admit that but its true. What is wrong with me.

June 13, 2007
7:07 am
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CAMER
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HI ((BLUEWILOW))...sounds like you are addicted to this man.

Look, he has cheated on you numerous times, and never stayed faithful, i highly doubt he will change.

When you keep taking him back, he probably figures he can get away with it again, and you will take him back again.

Think about what he is doing, he is sleeping with other women..he doesn't respect you, and his excuse is that you didn't make him feel loved.

Start loving yourself more, and know you deserve more. And yes, he may be the father of your child, but he is not showing being a good father when he keeps cheating on "mom".

Maybe you take him back cuz you are just lonely.....but how is it really when you are together, do you think of his past unfaithfulness??

Hurting is normal, and if you keep posting here and reading all the posts you will realize you are not alone.

I just think you deserve better.

(((((((keep posting, ok!))))) Camer

June 13, 2007
7:40 am
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sad sack
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Dear Bluewillow,

First, welcome to this site. I hope you will find it as helpful as I did. For me, the support and encouragement that has been offered to me, has changed my life. I hope you will come to feel the same.

Okay, back to your story. I felt such sorrow when I read your thread. The question of the day has to be what is it about you that allows such miserable treatment by your bf? Why do you not feel that you deserve so much better than this? The man has cheated on you left and right. He is unreliable when it comes to supporting "HIS" child. What does that say about his character?

You have to start working on yourself and focusing on what you need. And believe me, you do not need this guy. Please don't ever beg him to return. Begging is such a degrading action and only fosters his feelings of disrespect towards you.

You need to surround yourself with a support group. Possibly, get yourself into counseling. Read some literature that deals with codependency, abandonment, etc. There are plenty of books out there addressing these issues. You are not alone. Work on gaining the strength to stand alone. You have to set your sights higher than this man. Yes, in the beginning he was your knight. But, we all know that people act differently in the beginning of relationships. Then, in time, the masks come off, and we see the individual's true colors. His actions have indicated that he does not feel the same about you as you feel about him. Why settle for that?

Please try to be strong. I know it is difficult letting go. But for the sake of your own emotional well-being, you have to move on. I know that is easier said than done. Reread your thread. Take an objective step back. What advice would you give yourself? You know you have to do something or else you would not have posted. You know something is definitely wrong in your relationship.

Keep posting. I wish you well.

Try to make this a new beginning for yourself.

Sad Sack

June 13, 2007
7:54 am
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StronginHim77
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Bluewillow -

Yes, dear. I know it hurts. You have borne this man a child and taken him back, each time he has betrayed your trust by sleeping with another woman. And this betrayal is just as serious a form of abuse as hitting you or screaming at you. Do you understand that?

Abusers mistreat their victims in many different ways. Lying, cheating, sleeping around...these are all abusive acts.

Let me ask you something: I know that you love this man. Would you sleep with another guy, while living with this man? Is that love? Would you lie to him? Is that love? If you got caught cheating or lying, would you try and blame it on him, telling him HE made you do it because of HIS actions? Is that love?

Now, does this man LOVE YOU? And the child you have together?

What is love? Love is FAITHFUL. Love is kind. Love is gentle. Love is patient. Love never stops. It isn't an "on/off" thing. Love understands, trusts, believes in and hopes the best for the one we love. Does this man LOVE YOU?

First of all, you deserve a man who will love you. Secondly, you need to protect your children from seeing this nonsense going on in their home. If you keep taking him back, your actions are sending a powerful message to your children...that THIS is how it should be. That Abuse is OK. That cheaters are OK. Is that the message you want them to get? Remember that your children will model whatever they see YOU doing.

Next, you need to protect yourself and your mutual child from this man, financially and custodially. You will have to refile and regain sole custody of the child, as well as reinstate the child support. And don't let this con artist back into your house ever again. If you do, you know what the consequences are. If you keep doing the same things, you are going to continue getting the same results. He is not going to change. He is not going to miraculously become your "hero." And if he really had honor and respect for you, he would have given you his last name, before giving you his child to raise. Do you follow what I'm saying here?

It is time to cut the cord with him and move on. No one can stop his abuse, except you. No one can end his lies and his manipulation, except you. I know it will be very painful because you are emotionally tied to him, but you CAN and MUST break away from him, before he crushes your spirit and corrupts the souls of your children who are forced to watch all of this.

- Ma Strong

June 13, 2007
9:50 am
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obsessia
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Blue Willow:
You are definitely addicted to this man. Someone suggested this to me and I'm suggesting you read Facing Love Addiction and found a good counselor that deals with co-dependence. You can get through this and regain your self worth.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

June 13, 2007
11:33 am
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bluewillow
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Thank-you all so much for your kind words and advise. I will do some research on co-dependency, and i will look into counciling. Its just right now i feel so lost i just really really need a hug someone to make all this pain go away. I feel like a little girl im scared. tonight my daughter has a soccer game, he is coming here after school to pick her up. He called last night left a message and implied it would be ok for me to go, but i dont think i can because i know when i see him i will break-down but yet i want to see him. I cant do no contact because of our daughter. i just dont know. I will keep you all posted.

June 13, 2007
11:44 am
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bhhunt
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Bluewillow,
Think of your daughter first. What kind of message are you sending her? When you feel alone, and want a hug, hug her. Be the mother she can look up to, and style her life after. I am BP and Co-Dependent, so I know how your mind works, but you have to think of your daughter first and foremost.
yes, you will have to have contact with him because of her, but you can do things to make that easier. Have someone else around when he comes to get her, or take her to someone and let hime pick her up there. In other words, do not give him a chance to get you alone, and munipalate you.

Good luck,

brenda

June 13, 2007
12:50 pm
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taj64
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Time heals all wounds and someday you will not feel this badly. The more distance you put with him and the more you focus on YOU the sooner you will start to feel better. IT is good that you found this site, it is good to talk about your feelings. It is good that you realize that this man is not a knight and shining armor and this is all a disguise. It is sad that he is blaming you for his own shallowness. You do have strength even if it does not feel like it. Breakups are one the most painful experiences one could ever have and so indeed is going to be heartwrenching painful at first so bad you don't know what to do with yourself and walk around feeling hopeless and sad indeed. But is truly does pass. You just have to have a lot of faith and know that it will. As hard as it is, you have to put some distance between you and this man. And you know something else, you will realize in the long run that this guy isn't worth all this misery. Your life will indeed be much better for it is better to be alone and happy than to suffer in this relationship with a guy who cannot be committed to you 100 percent. Without trust a relationship is unsuccessful. You deserve trust and faithfulness and someone who is good to you. So if he cannot do this, then be good to yourself. Put yourself first even if it doesn't seem quite right in the beginning. You will come through this dark period. Good luck.

June 3, 2019
10:02 pm
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widya
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Evinizi ilk kez dekore ettiğinizde, özeldir. Yaşam alanınızı döşemek, her odayı duvar süsleri, renk şemaları ve uygun mobilyalar ile kişiselleştirmeniz anlamına gelir. Her vurgulu parçayı dikkatlice Jual Kursi Kantor seçtikten sonra zevkleriniz canlanır. Ancak bu süreçten geçtiğinizde, yerinizi benzersiz kişiliğinizi ve tercihlerinizi yansıttığını bilerek bitirmek istersiniz. Başka kimsede olmayan özel mobilyalar istiyorsunuz. Kitlesel olarak üretilen malların kültüründe gerçekte diğerlerinden farklı bir parça bulabilir misiniz? Kalifiye işçiler tarafından hazırlanmış el yapımı mobilyalar, çoğu kişinin Jual Meja Kantor keşfettiği bir pazardır.

Özel mobilyalar, tercihlerinizi dahil etmek için belirli bir leke veya ahşap olabilen farklı seçenekler sunan herhangi bir parçadır. Özel mobilyalar popüler hale geliyor Jual Lemari Arsip, ancak hala bu arzuyu neyin tahrik ettiğini sorabilirsiniz. Kişiselleştirilmiş mobilyaları mağazalarda bulabileceğiniz benzer parçalardan daha çekici yapan şey nedir?

Psikolojik olarak, bir nesneyi istemek, bir devlet olarak halinizi değiştirmek istemekle sonuçlanır. El yapımı ürünler satın alarak tarzınızı kalıcı ve benzersiz bir stille değiştirmek Jual Brankas istediğinizi düşünüyorsanız, bunun doğru olduğunu görebilirsiniz. Özel yapım ve tasarlanmış mobilyaların aşağıdaki faydaları, birçok kişinin neden özel mobilyalar kullandığını açıklamaktadır.

Bir zanaatkar, bir makineden ziyade mobilyalarınızı şekillendiriyorsa, parçanız benzersiz bir şekilde ortaya çıkıyor. Bir Amish veya zanaatkar mobilya firmasından aynı şeyi sipariş etse bile, eseriniz arkadaşınızınkiyle eşleşmeyecek. Başka hiçbir şeye benzemeyen bir yaratıma sahip olduğunuzda, daha özel ve aranır hale gelir. İnsanlar kalabalıktan ayrı olmaktan zevk alırlar. Özel bir düzen, ev dekorunuzda yalnızca bu özel görünüme sahip olmanız anlamına gelir; bu da onu diğer tüketiciler için neredeyse elde edilemez hale getirir Jual Mobile File.

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