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Snow - did he call and are you ok?
December 31, 2005
9:26 am
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taj64
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Hi Snow, I too grew up with an alcoholic father, then an alcoholic mother. My father died of it. Both seemed unavailable to me. Since the breakup from the unavailable boyfriend, I have since gone back to remembering how I was raised, how all the relationships were not the kind I deserved. I am now dating someone though I am not sure how I really feel about him. I like him but know it is not love or if it will grow into that. I still have a lot of feelings for the old boyfriend even if I am still angry with him. He was a married man and now I see the whole picture. I am angry he strung me along. I am angry that he hurt two women and dragged them both through hell. It has only been 4 months since the breakup. I do not think I am ready for a relationship. But I feel it is ok to spend time with someone and he doesn't seem to be in a big rush either. I seem some red flags with this man yet they are not the same kind of flaws of my ex. They are just differences in life styles. It is just me being picky because I know I am not ready for anything serious.Anyway back to you, please don't feel bad about yourself for feeling like you have to fix things. I think having alcoholic parents, this is a common behavior for us. I definately became codependent because of this. I took care of everyone. When I got married, I took care of him, not me. He too was alcoholic. I always felt huge abandonment and disappointment all my life. Then the ultimate blow was to meet a man, I feel madly in love only he was the push and pull type man. And I ultimately became this person too. When I pushed him away, he came back. But then I let go because I was hurt. He started to push away when things got good at home. I was left very hurt. I know your pain. I felt like all my dreams were gone. And it still hurts. But I am not in the pain that I used to feel. I believe right now I am in angry part. It is taking longer than I would like but then again I keep telling myself that it is a process. It is like the stages of grieving a death. I am at the stage of anger. I know I have to let go of it. I do not want to stay in it. It feels good to write all this out. I have been doing a lot of listening and answering but not writing about myself. I have paid attention to your threads because I feel like I have been in your shoes. I know of your pain. I see this man trying to have you but not keep you. In the long run, I am going to come out of this. Once I am done with anger, then I am done. It is slow but I am moving on. Im glad to talk about it with you.

December 31, 2005
9:47 am
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snowlover
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Taj....its good for me also to talk to you and others about this. Especially those of you that are further along in the process than i am. it helps me see what to expect in the future, gives me insights on how to handle things, and gives me hope that I can do this.

Everyday I make it thru this i see a little more light at the end of the tunnel. I seem to have more bad days than good days right now, but I guess at this stage that is normal. Just looking forward to the day when I honestly believe I dont "need" him anymore. Then I will feel like Im gaining some control over my own life.

Thanks so much fo being so open with me. I feel close to so many of you here thru the open sharing we all do. I feel like I have guardian angels all over the globe looking out for me.

Hugs.....Snow

December 31, 2005
9:53 am
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taj64
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Thank you Snow. I have paid attention to you and your story. You will gain control. You already are whether you know or not. I agree I look forward to the day where I don't think about him so much. I really don't want to think about him anymore but I cannot help it. As soon as I wake up I think about him and I get that ugly feeling. But I make a point of it to do something else and it helps. I am so grateful to share this and try to reach out to others in need. I consider my sharing and learning to be the reason I am moving forward and not backward. I believe there is wonderful knowledge to be found, to explain things that nobody else seems to understand. I always listen to what kathy says, and it makes my day. Well I must get busy and be productive. Have a great day Snow, talk to you later.

January 3, 2006
4:58 pm
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sdesigns
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Lass: I think this is the thread you are looking for. SD

January 3, 2006
5:14 pm
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snowlover
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This is the thread.....and boy have I moved into the Anger stage in a big way. It just finally got to me. All the lies, all the blame for everything, all the cheating, the manipulating, all of it. I layed into him today in w way I never have before. I dont feel any better either. There is soooo much rage in me towards him and I just dont see an end in sight to it.

Not sure how healthy this is...but I have a feeling he is going to get 20 years worth of rage from me.

Snow

January 3, 2006
8:07 pm
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whidbey
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Honestly, Snow, at this point? I think your anger is very healthy. You are coming to realize just how abused you have been, and by God in Heaven (no, that's not blasphemous, but righteous anger) you ARE mad, and you should be. Don't worry about the end of the anger; it will come. Just hang onto the IDEA that the "apathy" stage will come. It will come and go for a while, between hurt and anger, but finally, it will come to stay. When you have reached that point, your power will be mighty, and you will LOVE the strong woman you have become. On the whole, I'm really liking myself these days (in a healthy way). When I feel myself start to slip just a little, I re-read that passage of recovering from an N relationship. It gives me new power.

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