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Smoke, Fire, My Wake Up Call
January 24, 2005
11:03 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Sew,

Just remember, both men that have been the love of my life, I met as friends first and foremost - before we became involved.

Sometimes, I wonder if I idealize my first husband? We were not married too long before he passed away. But, I'm forever grateful to him for so much. He gave me his beautiful children to share, he left me fincially stable, and he taught me a better way of life - one that I was able to live and carry on to my second marriage.

I think in my case, with my husband now, first and foremost? We are friends. He is my friend, the person I can talk to no matter what the subject and that does make a difference.

I know it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and you do - the best way to handle it (or what works for me) is to make a list. Sit down with a nice drink, coffee, water, cola - something and literally list what it is you have to do to get things accomplished. As you complete them, cross them off - for some reason that really helps me.

I'm glad I found you too - I'm up looking at some info on the net about this surgery I'm facing - blech.

I agree with the above advice too though - if you can't get your dog - go get one from the shelter - there are always dogs that need a good home. LOUD was a rescue, as was the beautiful Miss Pee Wee - and two finer dogs you could never ask for. They really are a lot of company.

Love,

Zinnie

January 24, 2005
11:17 pm
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sewunique
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Ah to be perfect! What a struggle, a lifetime of fixing everything and everybody, including myself.

Fix that lampshade, tilt that picture; more left, no right. Fix your tie. Change the policies, make more rules; whose the boss here, anyway?

Wash your hands, change those clothes, be quiet, don't squirm when sitting in church. You're going where? With whom? Too much make up, young lady, not until you wipe off that lipstick do you dare.

You're marrying who? How much money, what kind of job? Is he kind? Is he good? Does he care?

Ok I'll fix it. I'll make it right. I'll show eveeryone, this I can do; I'll give it all my might.

Until one day, she got so tired. Her shoulders were heavy, this all she could not bear.

This site she found, new ideas to share. Good friends, support, a warm cozy place. No longer, she realized that perfection was desired.

To be her best, to give it her all. This is what it mattered. To live other's lives for them, no this is not good. To live your own life, you must be first. All else will follow, just go your own path.

January 24, 2005
11:47 pm
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sewunique
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Hey all,

I am feeling better; enough to move forward! Thanks for the venting space. SC, what, no rent here? Thanks for the site, should you ever come across this thread.

Thank you everyone for today and all days here! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives, to listen to me vent and hear me when you do. Nice exchange, huh?

It was a real frickin day, but I let off a lot of steam, expressed a lot of feelings and darn those tears ARE able to flow! And just excuse that personal piece of thoughts of a first draft. I just needed to compose SOMETHING; my way of doing it for me, I guess.

OMW

Looked for two hours for the resume. I found all the old ones, but not the latest version. My girlfriends, four of them packed my car trunk and the mover's boxes, in a hurry, so I have no idea where it is. I am taking in the old one. Am typing an abbreviated version to update from the old one. Will have to explain, and be firm and positive about it, as I think it looks and is iresponsible not having it. I think I can pull it off in an upbeat way.

This is not a formal interview. I just inquired about the place for information and asked for a tour, for a possible future interview. So I am just getting my foot in the door. But I do take this seriously about tomarrow. What do you think? Looks bad for me? I already told the Director of Nursing, that I just moved and had not gotten my resume ready yet and she wanted to see me anyway. Sort of an if-y thing. What's your take on it?

Bummers on the email. Did you at least ask a question in it? That way he would be obligated to return an answer.

So I found; my Bible, my Yoga book and my Wis. nursing license today! Things I have been wondering if lost. Untill today, I would have been goiong in for that interview with only a verification form of my license I requested, so the actual license in hand is best.

I moved in such bad circumstances; not organized, four different people packing for me, with police there, so this is a mess trying to sort out kitchen utensils mixed with papers. I'll get it unpacked soon enough and will have my house in order. Then I will be more relaxed in my living space!

Sew/C

January 25, 2005
1:01 am
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workinonit
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sew, dear sweet sew,

God I hate Wis law!!!!

How about you????!!!!

The SOB deserves to fry and we all know this. So take it htere in your imagination. Take those papers to the judge, Oh My God he says, this son of a bitch is going to jail!!! ( swearing comes easy after awhile LOL) After all he did to you! and to these innocent others!!!! He deserves the electric chair Fry Him!!!!!

Ok How was that?

January 25, 2005
1:18 am
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sewunique
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workin,
..that was great! Thanks
Chuckle, chuckle.

Did you ever get back to my post on men who are afraid to commit? Interesting; we now have conversation going.....somewhere??//??/

But I was wondering what your take on what I finally came up with...I went to the dictionary to sort out commitment and compromise and got some personal resolve on what was bugging me. Just wanted your take on it since you gave so much to the thread!

Yah, wonder if the no-fault thing is better or the old way with 'it's your fault' and I'm gonna be done with you. This way is suppossed to be fairer and more aimicable. If divorce can be any thing but that! What goes around comes around, in one fashion or another; life is a vicious-circle!

January 25, 2005
1:33 am
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sewunique
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Workin,

Here's the beginning of the post from Jan. 22, just below OnMtWay's post, that I was referring to I'd like to get your viewpoint on that I wrote:

"All right, now I am satisfied with how I view this commitment issue. Been wondering WHY it has been bugging me so. I think I got off track with so many views here. So here is my take on it. ....."

Thanks, I am interested in what you think. Maybe it is just hogwash, but your experssion of things is always thought-provoking!

January 25, 2005
1:47 am
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workinonit
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I saw your take on it sew. My question is, do you feel you have to care what someone else thinks?

The viewpoint I have is from my experiences. I saw you said that and that was right on!!! You see?

So, sew, (ha ha) What is your view? It's confusion stems from the confusion and depression you are still in the middle of. Dear sew, you will grow away from that!!! But, the key to growth is stretching yourself enough to FEEL IT!!!!!

Go for the gold woman!! You sure do feel like you are trying here!!

Have you thought about your regrets? When I went to the regrets thing I decided I would regret nothing. Everything I was at that moment i was because of the experiences I had allowed. I had allowed!!!!! Tha6t is an important part of getting over things.. No matter what yopu think, deep down inside we have played a part in all of it. Figure out what you allowed and let it go. It was all for learning and growing and darlin!!!! you are on your way there!!!!

Congratulations!!

January 25, 2005
2:03 am
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sewunique
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wow.....I had to read this three times what you wrote. So I am moving on???? A rebirth. very soft 'wow' awesome. It is easier for others to see sometimes before it is clear to our own selves. Just wow.....I know, I care too much what others think and I do not want to seem too puffed up, too big on myself...But self awareness and confidence would be so peaceful to endure and own. It's coming along. regrets? my part/responsibility in my muddle? worth looking into. Right now, time to relax for some sleep.

Thanks Workin, you're one special lady!

January 25, 2005
2:08 am
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workinonit
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Not so much to see sew but I've been where you are and i know from your words where you are going.

Just keep going and sleep in peace tonight!

January 25, 2005
11:11 am
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on my way
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Hey Sew, morning! 8:00 am here. I could not get back to this until this morning. In answer to your question, I think resumes are important of course, but with nurses, most just want to know if you have a heart for people, talk to you etc. I would think...and you definitely have a heart for people. You have let others define for you your life for too long, so time to move to the top...being who you are! Good luck and let us know how it goes ok?
RE: email, yes I asked a question, asked him how he was doing.
And we are friends, as Z spoke of, so time will tell...or who knows, I don't. Anyway...bet you slept good after venting, I know I did after my venting saga on here last week. Good for you Sew.

January 25, 2005
11:55 am
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sewunique
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On My Way,

Thanks, I slept very well; could almost remember my dream, but not quite. I'm working on that, just sleeping too heavily right now. Escape.

And yes, I am a good nurse, but you are right, my self confidence has been broken; as my trust these years has been shattered; allowing my life to be shapen and directed by another. Like workin' said, now is the time to realize my part in it all, what I allowed and now to determine my boundaries!

I am almost at the Valley of Peace like Bubishi has found. I'd join them all there, but looks pretty 'wild' for me! So maybe I'll just be a bystander when I get there. I'm more of a people watcher, tho' I can talk a lot when I break thru my shyness. And not shy when it comes when working.

Keep working on yourself, This thing with your freind, I hope you find the answers some day, I hope he can provide them. It seems to be one of two issues, as you have stated here, then again maybe not. When we are more positive and sure about ourselves, is the time when we attract others. But the same holds true for the other person to be in that place as well. I hope he can get there. Otherwise, I believe he would say 'yay or nay' by now. 'Course, this is only my opinion.

Have a good one!

Sew/C

January 25, 2005
12:10 pm
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on my way
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Sew I did the same thing in my marriage, but it went way back to my childhood. I feel totally self-absorbed, and guilty for that, and resent any intrusion in my life right now. Trying to find a balance, but feel guilty for not being perfectly there for those close to me.
My thyroid tests came back normal. I was so hoping it was something like this. I think I need the anti-depressants, wow is this a new thing for me. Lesson to learn: do not spend your life trying to figure out what was, enjoy each day, see teh smallest joy in as much as you can, and VENT!!!

January 25, 2005
6:47 pm
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on my way
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Sew, how did it go today?

January 25, 2005
7:04 pm
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sewunique
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OMW,

Have you or your doctor considered hormones? It could be this, depending on your phase of life. Hormonal replacement therapy can help a lot, IF this is the problem (postmenapausal). Look at all your options, I see you are ready to jump in as this antidepressants is cleary the need or want for you. Also, what about natural herbs? St. Hohn's Wort?

Went really well! Looked good, smelled good (joking), sounded good, presented well. Telling about accomplishments is hard without feeling like bragging, you know? But she became more eager sooner than I. I'm holding the cards yet. Have tha application. Have to do new resume and should do thank you letter/cover letter.

I called an inquiry from networking with someone. Operator gave me the wrong nursing home; I called this one. It was a flucke! i told her that, she thought, as I, that maybe it was meant to be. Strange, huh?

Lots to say, but I should get over to your other thread. I am not sure about this 'tribal process' as JM referred to. It takes studying with classes. Would be unfair for me to participate in a process of sending/recieving that I am unfamiliar with. Join me over there?

Later,

Sew/C

January 25, 2005
7:12 pm
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on my way
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Glad it went well for you, sound promising!! Leaving shortly, will check in tomorrow am.
RE: hormones...post menopausal..I don't feel safe with those. And the weight gain, I am at loose ends for all of this, but thanks for the in put. I really don't want to take anti-d's. may look into herbal.

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