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SMARTER HERE, NOT SMART, WEAK AND HURTING
May 12, 2007
4:23 pm
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StronginHim77
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Take the computer, if you can. It will prove very useful to you, after you leave. I was sorry -- but not surprised -- to learn that you son steals your meds. Is he an addict? Or is he selling them? Either way, he is a thief and a thief who would steal from his own mother. That is a very sad statement. I am grieved for your sake.

No doubt about it. This man is out of control. He never learned the word "No." Now, he is making your life a living hell. I am sorry you do not have enough strength left in you to kick him out and/or have him arrested to face the consequences of his criminal actions. However, it sounds like you are so beaten down that any strength you ever had is gone. Depression (and the abuse that causes it) will do that to any woman.

I will be praying for you. Don't worry about Mike. Don't worry about ANYONE else. Just get your portable valuables out of there, your records and keepsakes...as much as you can...and seek refuge. NEVER EVER GO BACK.

Y

May 12, 2007
5:06 pm
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green eyes
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I feel like crap and then I read your life and feel like I should be running around the house jumping for joy. Nothing like that is happening in my life all of my dukie is suddle.

Maybe I have had a good life and just can appreciate it. It makes me wonder when I see how hard you have it.
You seem caught in that place where you can't even imigion there is greener grass. But it seems you are looking and that's GOOD!

I know it will be hard and you will cry alot and maybe even let out a scream, but life can be better. If you have somewhere to go and who ever they are, they understand you need a better picture then take a deep breath and GO GO GO GO!

If you get everything great, you will be that much futher a head but if you are afraid you'll change your mind then Pick Up Your Stuff the best you can and walk out!

May 14, 2007
12:08 pm
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smarterone
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green eyes
I sometimes think someone else is hurting more too and not that it should be an uplift, but it does make me think. My son is here now eating, was found not guilty so how lucky am i, not. My b/f is so good to me but i need more, i dont know what but im 56 and would rather be alone than meet someone else. SO this escape being temp in mind now, will tell, maybe it will be permanent, god willlet me know in the end. Keep in touch

May 14, 2007
12:20 pm
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nappy
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Smart,
Why did you let him back in after he went to court?

If boyfriend is so good, what more do you need from him?

You said that you are 56 but you rather be alone than meet someone else. What you really saying is that you are 56 and you want more but you will settle for this piece of life that is not doing you any good.

You need to stop selling your meds. You need to stop your son from stealing from you. You need to stop a lot of things that you are doing because it does not seem like it is doing any good.

I hope one day that you do get away and hope that one day you can come back here on this site with a new attitude with life.
God bless you!
Nappy

May 14, 2007
4:17 pm
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4harmony
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Smarterone, your situation reminds me so much of my sister's. She is 57 years, married to a man who has not worked in 25 years due to depression. He has never treated her right (doesn't show affection, is verbally and emotionally abusive)and has been very uninvolved in their kids' lives (they have two grown children together). The similarity is that her grown son is an alcoholic and won't work. He keeps coming back to live with her and the stress is killing her. He has a 13 year old son from his first marriage that my sister has legally adopted. When he moves back in with her, which is frequent, he brings his two young children with him (their mother is always in and out of jail for drug related charges). Then she has her husband, her adopted son, her grown son, and his two young children to care for. She has had two heart attacks. She has been in the emergency room for overdoses on prescription meds about 6 times. Twice she almost didn't make it. My Father and I worry about her constantly, but there is nothing we can do. Social Services have been brought in on her grown son, but have done very little. I personally took him to rehab a while back, and he came out and did okay for about two weeks and went right back to his old ways. The legal system hasn't done much, because she is the only one who can file any charges or have him evicted, and she is scared to do that, for the kid's sake and out of fear of her son. Any intervention I or my father do toward him is taken out on my sister when we aren't around. It really comes around to the fact that no one can help her but herself, and she is not willing to. My father and I hope she will come around and take care of HERSELF. I hope you do, too. You are important. Remember that. I don't know enough about your relationship with your boyfriend to comment on that, but I know that you need to leave your son to fend for himself. Your not doing him any favors by enabling him, either.

May 16, 2007
12:26 am
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smarterone
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I know this all too well and except for your sis b/f and children, the older son is him. He is working now, paychecknot till next week but not making anything that will help us and he owes the world. Lawyers to keep his license, court costs, a car we helped get, pc of shit,i have no respect and very ashamed of him and like you said once everyone is gone they pick on you and the system sucks. esp at their age. Jail is the only hope and he was just let found not guilty on a fight with an ex. He is a mixed up man. No father since 13, that ex who was a cop favors his other rich son and they both abandoned us. My ex (second) is in prison for last 8 yrs and today was my divorce date. Here is the scoop on mikey (b/f) knew him thru my ex sis in law. He lived as a boarder, that hsould have been a hint a good worker though, when we used to just talk, i needed someone to move into my apt, cuz son was taking over while on crack and had all friends over and i would stay in my bedroom and be robbed of everything. Mikey moved in and then i found out, i think he was more scared of my son. He is like a 50's flower chhild, all peaceful, never gets upse, i think now he is burnt out. I dont feel he has any desires in life and too bad cuz the one in prison was abusive and we wnet everywhere, had everything (which i am not a materiall person) but it wasnt bad. Just couldnt stand sharing me with his kids and mine, who were not permanent boarders, just my son, but i did nt listen to him, i figured my son would leave no, 8 yrs later still living off of me. always was arrested, no responsiblities, just cant get it together, and when he does, the dark cloud comes, and boom, i pay for it. Its so unreal how you can feel a despise for your own. I look at him and say, he cant be mine. Just talking about him makes me sick. Im ending it here will be back tomorrow. Suppose to run to friends 4hrs away and stay about wk or so to get away from this, cant fix it i have to run. If there is no change. one of us are gone and b/f. All of a sudden doesnt help with bill like he used to, he was arrested for driving on a divider, he bought a car, and has to pay them every wk, owes everyone at work since the arrest and i am the one who bailed him out with money mom sent me to help get a decent car. I know iknow, run now.

May 16, 2007
10:45 am
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nappy
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Smart,

I thought that you were leaving?

I thought that you wanted to help yourself?

I just want to ask a question.

Do you want to spend the second half of your life in misery?

Nappy

May 17, 2007
8:51 am
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smarterone
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nappy, today, thurs am. i am now at this moment on to say goodbye till i get to my g/f in wpb, just packed car. thank you for all. speak soon.

May 17, 2007
9:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Well, it's Thursday morning and I am hoping that you left...that you will be reading this thread from a safe, hidden home today.

- Ma Strong

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