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SMACK!
November 27, 2001
9:41 am
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artist 2
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I've been beaten. What are my options? I have photos of my black eye and hand print on my arm and shoulder. Was thinking about posting them and photos of him on a webpage. Does anyone know of any legalities I could be charged for?

November 27, 2001
10:06 am
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lowest self esteem on earth
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You said here you do that, so people will know you did it. If you do, don't tell anyone so you won't get caught.

But why you wanna do that? That will do nothing for him. Go to police, or something more legal. You got the evidence, so use them.

Feel better, get better soon.
I wish you the safe place and peace.

November 27, 2001
10:09 am
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artist 2
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Hi Lowest (?)...

Well, I guess if it's in a subfolder n my own website, someone would know... I've already reported him, filed a complaint, etc. Have taken pics of the injuries, and showed them to people he knows.

I'm so pissed off...

November 27, 2001
11:21 am
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Molly
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I am so sorry, the only thing you need to worry about is if you returned the punches, he could counter file. If indeed you pressed charges, you must be certain now to follow through. This is going to be hard, and I very strongly suggest you call today for counseling support through a domestic violence shelter. They can also help you with your options, and could indeed stregnthen your case. Put that Pissedness into positive energy, for you.h

November 27, 2001
12:36 pm
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artist 2
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How about posting pics inside my car windows? You know - drive around with them?

Blondie... thanks for your GRRRRR!

November 27, 2001
2:01 pm
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Molly
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The most signifigant part, sure you have pictures of the physical abuse, and most women, wait for that kodack moment. What you can't take a picture of is the psychological scares that you have, the emotional damage that started way before. May others who read these threads realize that the damage is done before the black eye. I know Artist that you really know this now, but for the others, who wish, hope, pray, beg, and continue on the coaster to hell, that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, is in my opinion worse, it is what makes us so sick that we stay or continue to check in until we get that kodack moment. Do everything you can, to take your stand, to heal your self, but you absofrigginloutly must follow through.

November 27, 2001
2:49 pm
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artist 2
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Ivory is my favorite soap.

I'm not sure how to get the order of protection, but can probably ask the cute police officer who helped me file the complaint...

November 27, 2001
4:18 pm
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jess2
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what molly said kinda reminds me...i remember feeling so battered inside that, well..

you see, i didnt know there was such thing as emotional abuse. im still not sure (is there?) i thot you were only physically or sexually abused. and i wasnt.

and like molly said, you cant see the emotional bruises. and when i was younger i used to make the bruises myself so they would show on the outside how i felt on the inside. weird huh?

sorry i wrote this here. i know its not what this topic is about .. i was just remembering..............

jess

November 27, 2001
5:24 pm
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Molly
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No Jess, don't be sorry, that is part of why I wanted to bring it up in this conversation. That state of confusion, the debilitation of not being sure, that constant berating, the abandonment, the whole thing that leads to our finally taking a stand, speaking up, in some instances, is what gets to the point of being the punching bag. Of course there are those guys who just start out swinging, but there was verbal abuse before they raised the hand. But most of us are deaf dumb and blind. A bruise heals in a week, you can get a caste for a broken arm, but how long does it take to reclaim your spirit, your self esteem, especially when you are broke, with kids, unemployed, or have an animal to care for, that is why so many women stay, they are just to broken to leave, and like Blondie stated, just let him get the punches out so he will leave. Or you walk on egg shells until your hunched over and whisper every thing that you say, or you numb out on drugs or alcohol, or food. It never ceases to amaze me what we put up with . Reminds me of Afganistan, how the Taliban was able to take over, simply domestic abuse, to the max, ha and like the abuser, in the name of God, gimme a break.
Artist is going to be ok, she like many of us, to optimistic, to faithful, to trusting, wanting to believe, and doubting her innervoice, we have all been there. Again thank goodness for these threads, where we can get the clairity in the confusion.

November 28, 2001
10:07 am
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artist 2
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He's in jail now and has a pretty steep bond to get out. I feel so guilty and so bad because I know he cannot afford the bond. It's freezing and cold weather here and he can't be with his new girlfriend. Too bad. Maybe she can pay his bond. I'm just really scared that he's going to come out of jail really pissed off and do something to me. Oh well, only moving from this town and starting again will solve that for sure. Anyway, I'm feeling so sad for him, sick, cold and alone. But, he's been through it before. He coul have learned the first time. There are little voices inside me that say, "maybe if you hadn't pushed him. maybe he won't do it again,.... etc." BUT I must stick to my guns here and not give in. Be courageous and perhaps learn something to help other women. I still love him though, and it really hurts me, upsets me and makes me cry to imagine him in jail alone and broke.

November 28, 2001
10:36 am
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artist
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WHOA, Girlfriend--say WHAT???

You feel guilty??? YOU---FEEL--GUILTY??

He has a girlfriend--AND HE BEATS YOU???

You feel sad for HIM??? He has a roof over his head, clothes to wear and food to eat--all paid for by the state--he's OK.
WHAT do you love about this man?

Honey, I'm as thick as they come when it comes to my own problems sometimes BUT I'm not stupid and neither are you.

I'm not going to say any more except--PLEASE RE-READ WHAT YOU TYPED and think about it.

Artist

November 28, 2001
10:54 am
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artist 2
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Thank you both...

November 28, 2001
11:05 am
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deshong
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Artist 2

Let him go. Understand, you have been involved in a very dangerous back and forth dance with this criminal for a while. Now you must go through like a drug Detox to get him out of your system. Now you are going through withdrawl. Don't get into another abuse relationship. Take care of yourself first. Be safe and Wise!!!

November 28, 2001
11:16 am
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artist 2
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Thank you too, thank you everyone. I'm so glad I found this website and you.

November 28, 2001
12:06 pm
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Molly
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Its that psychological damage that I was referring to that is making you feel this way, misplaced emotions. Just like the child who was abused horribly by the mother, still wants that mothers attention and love. Just honor that it part of the illness that you need to recover from. The laws and your phone should help protect you from what ever it is that you fear he might try to do, but I doubt it, your putting him in jail and not bending over, is a sign that you mean business. Don't the police have to tell you if and when he is released, keep in contact with those cute cops. If gf is crazy enough to put up his bail, let her. Don't think twice about that scum bag, just take another look at your pictures your self as you feel weak. We are all so very proud of you. Stay strong.

November 28, 2001
12:09 pm
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Thank you Molly... I feel really strong.

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