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Slipping back to my ex
November 12, 2006
10:46 pm
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southgoingzax
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September 24, 2010
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Hi 2shy,

I'm not going to tell you what to do, I'm going to tell you what I know:

I am doing the same thing...taking back a guy who doesn't love me the way I need to be loved. It is because I still have hope that things will change, even though my rational brain knows otherwise...in my heart I think he would be the "one" if he could just...change. The problem is, by taking him back, I am telling him all his behaviors are okay. Even though we had our heart-to-heart, the very next day after we got back together, he flew into a rage over a miscommunication and "threatened" me that he didn't think the relationship was working. Even I, as thick-headed as I am, can see the pattern, and I am sure you can too, with your own relationship. He was still punishing me for that incident a week later, making it clear to me that I have no right to put demands on him because I screwed up so badly....It was a simple mistake he blew out of proportion so that he could regain control in the relationship. Now he is back to being nice, but for how long?

We HOPE. That is our problem. But the absolute truth is that you and I deserve far better than this. Yet we can't walk away. Why is that?

Believe me, I am not faulting you. But what I am saying, is that this too shall pass, and he will revert to his old ways...unless something really changes, and it's not anything that you can foster. The only thing I would suggest to you is to start really examining yourself and your personal happiness, what you want from life and from a partner, and get into counseling....it will be good for you.

much love,

zax

November 13, 2006
12:20 am
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thedogsmom
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September 30, 2010
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2shy
okay.. you're not ready yet. we can give you advice. usually the advice we are also giving to ourselves but not taking. easy to dish out advice when your OWN personal feelings are not involved. Breaking up is difficult. Letting go of those hopes and dreams is harder. So since you want to continue to try with this man. do that. try. see how it goes. If it doesn't work out. You will be all the stronger the next go-around until you and only you have had enough.

Hope is a good thing ...as long as you don't let false hope rob you of your own life and happiness. Take him back. Give it 100% again. Watch how much he gives back. Keep a journal. Come back here to check in and help others.
Whatever you do..just keep on living! Don't focus so much on him..but concentrate more on yourself. If there is something you don't like about yourself. Do something about it. Go to the gym or start taking walks or dusting off that treadmill. Read more if you think you are boring. Turn off the TV. LIsten to music again -if you have stopped enjoying things cause you are always obsessed about him..start doing those things. Get together with new or old friends by yourself. Go to a play or the movies.
Just live AND enjoy his company . ...AS long as he is treating you right.

southgoingZax,
hello to you. I enjoyed your comments above. I, too, am in that some boat going round and round but going nowhere. I haven't given up hope yet. BUt As you said..Hope can be a problem.. if it is false hope. Hoping isn't doing anything to help the problem. Hope is only a desire..a feeling..a wish..
It won't make him make the change. JUst HOPING something will happen doesn't make it so.
Why do we stay? Maybe I am sick and do need counseling.
TDM

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