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Sleepy at work.....
October 17, 2005
2:13 pm
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caraway
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September 24, 2010
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I had to go down the hall to the supply closet and close my eyes for 15 minutes. I get so CO-CRAZY that I just shut down and can't work or keep my eyes open. I went to another meeting this weekend and now have a sponsor to help me with the 12 steps.

I am so worn out and frustrated and hope that something helps soon. I am jealous, suspicious, anxious, and trying my best to ruin this relationship that I am in. I am dating a wonderful person and I truly believe a trustworthy person, but in my moments I push the limits.

October 17, 2005
2:32 pm
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Anonymous
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oh, do I know how you feel.

I think of how many times I did my best to kill a good thing.

in the end, I realized that what I thought was a good thing, really WASN'T and that what I was doing was trying to ignore my gut and talk myself into thinking it WAS a good thing...I carried it one step further and was always trying to convvince my family and friends what a good thing I was doing or choosing...they always asked if I was trying to convince myself or them......I never truly understood that until today.

I know how it feels to be exhausted - can you take some time off? even a day to stay under the covers?

if not - then go home and climb under the covers...the inner child, the little girl inside you, is telling you she is tired - this is a great chance to start healing and tell her you will take care of her and get the rest she so desperately needs....go to bed early - screw the dishes, the housework, the phone calls - they can wait...

things will get easier...the more meetings you go to, the more talks you have, the more books you read...

just remember to take care of your basic needs right now...the rest can wait...

October 17, 2005
2:33 pm
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kathygy
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September 30, 2010
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caraway,

Can you tell us more? What is making you so sleepy?

Its great that you have a sponsor and are going to meetings. It sounds like you are struggling with the urge to sabatoge a good relationship by being jealous and so on. Do feel that you deserve a healthy relationship? How have your relationships in the past been like?

October 17, 2005
4:56 pm
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caraway
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I have been dating this man for about 7 months now and I have been working my way out of it for about that same lenght of time... great guy, really!

I have just realized that I have done this all of my life. I am 40 and have forever asssumed that no one really wanted to be with me, that if they really knew me they would leave me. I lived with someone for 10 years and ended the relationship for the same reasons. The man still cries to our friends and says that he wants me back and I am to screwed up to accept love.

I meet someone, fall in love, and immediately begin to question why they would want me. I compare myself to others that they notice and assume that I am not as attractive, etc. My mind races 24/7 with all of the possibilities. I am incrediably jealous about their past, what and who they were with before me. IT IS INSANE!! I have a past, so why is that different?

I get stressed and my key respose to stress and depression is to go to sleep.

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