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Slapped in the face again
July 27, 2005
8:58 pm
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Just Lost
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most of you know my story. My wife left me eight weeks ago. She has since started seeing another man who she claims is "just a friend." I've tried to move on as much as I can but the pain gets to be too much. Today was one of those days. So, I decided to go to church tonight. It helped a little but I had no idea that I was about to get slapped in the face only minutes after I left. I was on the interstate headed home when I came across a motorcycle. On the back was a female wearing clothing that looked like my wife's. It was my wife and she was on his bike. She had a huge smile on her face. She looked very happy with him. Then she saw me and waved. I waved back and then sped away. My hands were trembling. I could barely drive. Minutes later she called. she thought it was funny our paths crossed. but you know, she was talking like she felt as if she was explaining why she was with him. for the first time in weeks, she asked how I was doing and what I did today. I think she was digging to see if i was following her. i just stayed calm and acted like i wasnt interested. she tells me everything she did today and that she is about to head home. i think its guilt. nothing more. but it hurts

July 27, 2005
9:15 pm
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2bstrong
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I'm sorry just lost--that was definitely toxic contact. Why she called you is a mystery to me. That is not good. And all after you were trying to get some comfort for the pain you are going through. Again, I am so sorry.

It seems to be in your best interest to sever all contact with her. There is no guarantee that incidents like this won't happen again, but you can choose to take control by not contacting her anymore. All she does is hurt you. I hope you see that. Whether she intends to or not, or if she is just confused, it doesn't matter. You are seeking answers from her and trying to figure her out--and it doesn't matter. What really matters is you. Your life, your emotional health and your sanity. She only called you because she felt guilty.

I care about you Just Lost. Please don't think I am trying to be harsh--just realistic. Believe me--I've been there.--2b

July 27, 2005
9:24 pm
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nvr2late
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Just lost....
I feel like I was slapped in the face ONCE again, and I keep letting it happen, you believe lies and you still love them....and you keep forgiving! They are just confused..they want the safety but the opportunity to live their single life. all at OUR expense. It is hard to move on and I feel for you, because I do not think I could handle seeing my ex with another woman, although I know he has been with some. But I continue to believe, they continue to lie and want it all!
I guess we will get sick of it eventually, but keep getting hurt in the process, and we can only blame ourselves for not being able to let go......it will happen sooner or later, but I am not sure what the last straw will be.
Hopefully, whatever it is, it will be enough not to contact them ever again, but I am not so sure about that....stay strong, take care of yourself, and don't try to figure them out....they are screwed UP!

July 27, 2005
9:25 pm
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Anonymous
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It is most definitely her guilty conscious. She knows she has lied to you (and apparently continues to), and for some reason she doesn't want to "admit" an affair. I had an emotional affair once during my marriage, and when confronted about it, I denied, denied, denied. Because not only did I want it to continue, but I loved the attention from the other man and the way that made me feel about myself. It was a fantasyland...not reality!

I don't know your wife, but she's getting her "needs" met by this new guy, but she still feels attached to you, and doesn't want you to think badly of her. That's why she keeps making excuses for her behavior and trying to play it down. Even if she isn't "sleeping" with him, emotional affairs are just as damaging as a physical one, maybe more. She knows she has done a bad thing, but the payoff for it feels too good.

I know how it feels when you start running into and seeing them together.It's like a dagger thru the heart. I am so sorry for your pain. You ARE gonna get thru this, and are taking great steps in the right direction. But it's gonna be day by day, sometimes minute by minute. Hang in there, Just Lost, and keep posting!

July 27, 2005
9:55 pm
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pixygirl
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JL-

I completely understand your situation and can totally relate to the pain you are feeling. Keep taking care of yourself, attending church services, and stay strong! I have basically been in the same boat. My hubby had an emotional affair w/a woman "friend" from work. I'm 5mnths into it and he still denies any physical relationship, but has finally admitted to an emotional affair. I agree w/Please. An emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one and can lead to all kinds of trust issues for us. That's what I struggle w/now even though he "says" he wants to come home.

The best advice I can offer is to talk, keep posting, be strong, search for yourself and what you want and believe you deserve, and rely on your faith to help you have grace in your actions and making decisions.

July 27, 2005
10:02 pm
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Just Lost
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what really burns me up is that she told me "I'll call you when I head out of here." so, like a fool, i sit here waiting for the phone to ring knowing full well that she is still with him. It took a while but she finally admitted to an emotional affair about a month ago. I think it has gone beyond that but she denies it. Most of the counselors will tell you the emotional affair is the more dangerous one. Mainly because your heart gets stolen in that one and its not coming back

July 27, 2005
11:02 pm
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pixygirl
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JL-

Yes, sometimes I think I could handle it better if my husband had actually had a one night stand w/someone. Crazy to think that way, but I guess my fear is that on some level, he fell in love w/her. He denies too, even though I have a laundry list of things that have happened that might indicate otherwise. To trust or not to trust?

BTW, you are not a fool. Please don't think so about yourself. We all want those we love to love us back the way we deserve to be loved. There is nothing foolish in that!

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