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Sixteen and Confused
December 28, 2000
1:49 am
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Bekah-Boo
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I'm sixteen and I feel like I'm depressed all the time. My family always seems to be picking on me. I have three younger sisters and one younger brother. I'm constantly bickering with my sisters. They are constantly trash talking me and I don't understand why. My mother lectures me constantly about my grades and how I quit everything. I do quit a lot of things. I get so frustrated and go to her for support but all she does is infurriate me. I feel like I'm worthless, that I'll never be able to do anything with my life. Anything that I used to love doing has no interest for me anymore. I feel like staying in my room all the time. I don't talk to my friends any more. I don't feel like they even care all that much. They don't ever call. Sometimes I just want to die. I lay on my bed crying wishing God would kill me right then and there. I've told my mother I want counseling but she just blows me off. I guess she thinks I can handle this and I'm just going through a phase. But should a phase last three and a half years? (Not straight throught but off and on) I don't know what to do. I just get so frustrated.

December 28, 2000
2:45 am
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so confused
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Have you really tried to have your mom sit down and listen or are you chasing her through the house while she is running around like a chicken without a head? If you really have tried to talk to her and she won't listen...try a school counselor. You have to make someone listen. You are asking for help which is a good thing. Sixteen is a tough age...then again I think all of the ages are tough. Believe me...i am going through some very hard times right now and I am much older than you. I have felt the same way you described. IT SUCKS!!! You have to pull yourself out of your room and go do things...I am the oldest of four. My younger siblings drove me crazy!!! They still do, but I love them dearly. It gets better with age. PLEASE, you are so young and have so much to look forward to. You will get through this...I did and I still am. If you need to talk..I am here!!!! 🙂

December 28, 2000
9:57 am
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Cutie14
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Hey hun, look, I know EXACTLY

December 28, 2000
10:02 am
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Cutie14
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sorry, I didn't mean to do that, anyway as I was saying, I know exactly how you feel. I am 14 and I have been going through depression on and off for about 5 years. I have been cutting on and off but mostly on for about 5 months. I haven't cut in a while, becuase somehow my life I getting better. It is weird though cause I have 2 really close friends whom are very depressed right now and you would think that I would know exactly what to do, but I dont! Anyway, believe me it is not just a phase, and you do need counseling and maybe even some meds like Prozac to help you get though this. I take 30mg of prozac a day! And to tell you the truth, it does help. I wish the best to you, and I hope that somehow you will get better. I will be your friend, and even though I don't really know you, obiously I do care about you or I wouldn't have poured my heart out, ya know? I really hope you get better, although I know that it is way easier said than done! If you need to talk you can IM me SHORT N SWEET NA I would give you my e-mail address too, but with this program it wont let me. So if you IM me then I will give you my e-mail if you would like it. I could also connect you to a few people who have gone though this, some my age, and some adults. Good Luck!
Cutie14

December 28, 2000
11:41 am
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Cici
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Hi there,

I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel, too. I'm 21 now, and I have a much brighter outlook (to say the least, ha ha), but I was where you are now.

I still remember it, too. Each day seemed worse that the last one, I felt like I was walking through a muddy marsh, sinking slowly as I struggled to get through. I withdrew from people who loved me. I wanted to run away, but I knew that that wouldn't help.

In some ways I think it's really important to find your own way through this dark night of the soul. But that is a very difficult and painful prospect for most people. Which is why therapy can be helpful. What may help you is to talk to your guidance counselor. That is what they're there for. And having an adult authority figure approach your Mom with you may help give credence to your problem. (I am in psychology and was interesting inguidance counselling, but fate has led me toward clinical instead of counselling psych).

December 28, 2000
4:25 pm
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grey2day
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Let me say I know exactly how you feel and in no way are you alone. I'm 17 and Have 3 sisters and a very busy mother so I'm sure I am going through very simular things as you. I tried every which way to show to my mother how much i was hurting and She just never got it. I would stay in my room all day with my music on and cry and never speak to anyone and just get more and more depressed. When i did tell someone how i felt I always chose the wrong people and grew dependant on them and eventually it would end. I thought of killing myself all the time and well i can't say that thought stil doesn't occur once in a while. For a while I thought my mom really didn't care.. I mean wouldn't she have done something by now? But i realized that maybe she just does not understand what I am going through. If she told you she was depressed because of all of her kids and her work etc.. would you know exactly what to do??

Anyway I chose to tell one of my older sisters what i was going through. We aren't very far in age and of course grew up in the same family so we found out we have many of the same problems. I also got counselling but of course It did not change things instantly for me. I am still very depressed.. I'm just glad I told someone about it instead of just giving up. If you ever need someone to talk to let me know your email or Instant messenger name and i'll be glad to talk!

December 28, 2000
4:25 pm
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grey2day
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Let me say I know exactly how you feel and in no way are you alone. I'm 17 and Have 3 sisters and a very busy mother so I'm sure I am going through very simular things as you. I tried every which way to show to my mother how much i was hurting and She just never got it. I would stay in my room all day with my music on and cry and never speak to anyone and just get more and more depressed. When i did tell someone how i felt I always chose the wrong people and grew dependant on them and eventually it would end. I thought of killing myself all the time and well i can't say that thought stil doesn't occur once in a while. For a while I thought my mom really didn't care.. I mean wouldn't she have done something by now? But i realized that maybe she just does not understand what I am going through. If she told you she was depressed because of all of her kids and her work etc.. would you know exactly what to do??

Anyway I chose to tell one of my older sisters what i was going through. We aren't very far in age and of course grew up in the same family so we found out we have many of the same problems. I also got counselling but of course It did not change things instantly for me. I am still very depressed.. I'm just glad I told someone about it instead of just giving up. If you ever need someone to talk to let me know your email or Instant messenger name and i'll be willing to talk aboout anything

December 28, 2000
4:26 pm
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grey2day
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oops didn't mean to post that twice
🙂

December 28, 2000
6:31 pm
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Molly
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I agree with what so confused suggested, if you haven't cornered your mom, and done the eye to eye thing she might not get it, after that and she still blows you off go to the school counselor, she will give you time and referrals.Also get a physical, lucky for you MD's now recognize PMS, as well as ADD, and depression, all of which could contribute to your feelings. I have started many projects over the years which have fallen apart for one reason or another, and have heard the quitter routine, but there is nothing like success from some project or goal to propell you on to the next. Don't even tell any one so that if it falls apart, its your seceret, then start again. How many people were successes the first time, and we need to experiment to discover what it is that we want to do or be. As I look back we all talked lots of trash in my family of origin, my brother is 6'3, I'm 5'8 and my sis barely 5' we were so bad with her we actually made her think she was adopted, or found under a rock as my dad used to say. We both are very close now, and realize just what sort of verbal abuse we were taught by our roots, and how to get over it and around it. I bet your siblings are full of envy, and some how think it is ok, because your parents do not stop it. IT IS OK TO SAY I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TALKED TO LIKE THIS, STOP IT NOW, THIS IS VERBAL ABUSE.Its ok to say MOM, HEAR ME. Boundry lines, some of us didn't learn until late in life, but you can learn them now. Words are more damaging than a blow to the head, they hang on, because we allow them to. But you ARE the one in controll, it is your choice to empower the words or not. They are only words. If you try, let it roll off like water on a ducks back. Take back your power. Feel empowered, its all in how you think about it. Make your life more exciting by being exciting, fake it until you make it. It works. When you feel the blues try to shake it off, go smell the flowers, write some pretty poetry, read love stories, go to the pet store, snuggle puppies, make a plan, figure out which college you want to go to, if nothing else to get away from home. Make a dream, and make the dream come true. Trust me, it is easy to sit in a pile of poop, no one much cares, and they all stay away because they might catch the smell. So maybe if you can laugh, it is the best cure for depression, think of sitting in a pile of poop, and certainly your not going to do that, now are you? Its up to you. 🙂

December 28, 2000
8:55 pm
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janes
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Keep a journal....

Watch what you eat.. (seriously!!!) the food you eat fuels your body and your BRAIN and not enough good stuff to fuel can make you feel crabby, crappy and depressed!!!

Exercise!!! Walk!!! Run!!!

Force yourself to call one Friend every other day. Just even a quick hello.

Write poetry.

Look for the beauty around you in little things.

Start a small project..and finish it!!

Set goals and keep them!!

Read self help books...

Draw

Do your homework.

Respond to your sisters in unexpected ways....When they trash talk you write it down and hand it back to them.(.sometimes when it's in print ot's a lot different)..say..what if I said this to you?

If you can't get the school counselot to help talk to a trusted teacher or pastor.

You can make a difference in your life.

And you can start right this very minute.

Banish all negetive thoughts from your brain...

Grow strong and loving!!!

We're waiting to hear from you!!

December 29, 2000
4:09 pm
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Bekah-Boo
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Thanks for all the great advice. I have talked to my mom strait out. Somehow whatever I try to tell her never comes out quite right. She makes it so hard for me. I do try though. She hears what I say but refuses to listen. I'm going to try and talk to my youth pastor. School starts again in a week. I want to do well but it's hard to get motivated. I'll try my best though. All your advice has given me some courage. Thanks.

December 30, 2000
1:30 am
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Bekah-Boo
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I've had a hard day. My mom has been on my case because I'm not perfect and she's having problems at work. Plus I know raising five kids isn't easy for her, but I feel like she takes it all out on me. Her verbal abuse is really getting to me. I just feel like getting her back. Nothing I do helps me deal with it. I read a lot and that helps, but I have to come back to reality sometime and that isn't always easy. She yells at me for staying in my room. Apparently I should be helping out more. The thing that really irritates me is that when I try to do more for her it's never enough. She sneers at me and says I hardly did anything. She doesn't appreciate anything. Latley I've resorted by not doing anything she wants from me. I feel like If I make her angry somehow it's a point from me. My grades have dropped seriously, I quit band, I skip church, these are all things that I know she wants me to succede in. I know what I'm doing is hurting myself, but I don't want to do anything that makes her happy because she makes me so miserable. I know it's wrong and I do feel bad. I hate getting myself into this. I don't know how to retaliate any other way. I wish that I could get out of the house but she doesn't let me go anywhere...except school and work and of course church. Latley I've been working every chance I get. She won't let me drive so I can't just leave to cool off. Everytime I talk to one of my friends she complains that I'm on the phone or the internet too much. So then I have to get off. I'm soo frustrated I don't know what to do with myself.

December 30, 2000
10:49 am
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so confused
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HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!

December 30, 2000
2:08 pm
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janes
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It's easy to resent and be hareful...I have four kids and feel like I am doing all the work and they never see anything to help with.

Switch it around. When she sneers or is mean...tell her you love her and you will work on being "better".

Write down the chores and things you do to help and then give it to her...not to brag..but maybe saying...is there anything else I could have done?

As a mom I know one of the biggest things is the MOUND of dirty dishes everynight when I get home after my second job...

Remember too that the grades, and church and band...those are all for you. Being a good student will not change your mom's life just yours. Succeeding in music will not make your mom's life easier..but might open doors for you. Church...that affects YOUR spirituality...not your mom's.

Don't confuse ruining or closing doors in your own life with "getting back at mom".

Expectations are higher for oldest kids. If you have gotten good grades in the past then your parents know you are capable. Plus...what you learn NOW will serve you better in college or your life after high school. Poor grades tell colleges and employers...poor work habits. Sorry but it's true.

What do you want to do with your life. If you are 16 then in two years you are legally an adult in the USA. Soooo...what are you going to do? You are making the decision NOW. Make it consiously...not by just not trying.

If you want thinkgs to change...change them. If you want to be loved..give love. If want a friend.. be a friend..even to your mom.

Not making excuses for her but we do get tired..and worn out and sometimes it feels like not one kid even cares.

But we are the adults and shouldn't be that way. but we are humans too.

BE positive and DO THINGS FOR YOU THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU. Don't do negetive things to punish your mom. It just backfires.

Good idea to talk to your youth pastor.

You sound like a really smart, savvy young lady/woman.

Good Luck

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