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Six Traits of Healthy Families
August 31, 2006
1:23 am
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Another one from the "old papers" file:

SIX TRAITS OF HEALTHY FAMILIES

It takes some adjusting to live in a family. Like changing your attitudes about children and the kitchen. My philosophy now is -- if it walks out of the refrigerator, let it go! Some people never make the adjustments. George Burns used to say, "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." But for most of us, happiness is making themost of our family life, in whatever form and shape that family exists.

Family consultant Dolores Curran published what she considered "Traits of a Healthy Family", drawn from responses of more than 500 professionals who work with families. Here are a few of the top qualities shared by families considered "healthy".

1. Communication and listening. I find that this is something families have to work at almost continually.

2. Affirmation and support. A southern (USA) migrant worker told a sociologist that "home is a place to go back to if things get rough out there." If you cannot receive affirmation at home, where else are you going to get it? A good practice for parents is to try to catch your kids doing something right every day and telling them so. Think of the possibilities...

3. A sense of play. Charlie Shedd says, "Whenever parents ask me, 'How can I keep my children off drugs?' I say, 'Have fun.'"

4. Shared responsibility. Everyone helps out; everyone pitches in.

5. Trust. The fastest way to drive a wedge between family members is to violate trust.

6. Shared religious core. Does your family share similar spiritual goals?

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The article suggests following these traits to make the most of your family life.

I wish success to all us recovering codeps in creating a healthier life for ourselves and those we love, than what we grew up with.

August 31, 2006
7:00 am
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Rasputin
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Thanks (((Kroika))) for this invaluable info. I will surely add it to my archives.

Blessings, Ras~

August 31, 2006
7:16 am
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sleepless in uk
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Just caught these...particularly relevent to me right now

thanks

August 31, 2006
8:46 pm
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Ras & sleepless,

glad you find this of use. I grew up in a family that was very unhealthy, but I didn't know it until much later. Funny how that works... you think if everybody is housed and clothed and fed and schooled, or has a job, then everything's OK. Not!

Maybe the next generation will get more things right. Hope so.

Take care you guys, I'm glad to know you through this site. kroika

September 1, 2006
8:57 am
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jastypes
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I wish I knew how to fix the stuff we're getting wrong. Our family has a problem with being encouraging and affirming. I am an encourager by nature. My husband for years was referred to as the "anti-dad." He was always very negative and discouraging. (He's getting a bit better since quitting drugs) But my children seem to have picked up on my husband's bad traits and make fun of each other, torment each other, tease, disrespect and discourage each other. They're not little children either -- ages 20, 18, 14 and 12. It breaks my heart, but I don't know what to do about it.

September 1, 2006
9:02 am
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sleepless in uk
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Jas I know what you mean; my husband is very similar to the way you describe yours. Negative, discouraging, etc. It does the kids self esteem no good at all.

and he doesnt even have drug taking as an excuse!!

Its hard with the kids though; mine are similar ages 19, 17 and 16.

I try to encourage them to be supportive of each other but it doesnt always work. Just have to hope that enough of the positive I try to give has rubbed off and will influence them as they get older.

September 1, 2006
9:04 am
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taj64
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Jas, Im not sure you can totally blame it on the dad so don't feel bad. These are teenagers are your hands! They will torment each other no matter what kind of parent you are. I suppose all you can do is teach them and tell what you are here on the site and that is to respect each other. It is their responsibility to learn at this age. All you can do is encourage.

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