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Sitting here thinking..
March 18, 2005
3:51 pm
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tenderheart
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about last nights conversation with my b/f. He asked to come see me, but I was not up for it. He had come over the night before unannounced and it didn't go well. He always comes back crying to me when he has nowhere to go and he feels the world has turned his back on him. I love him, but he needs help. (he is a drug addict). He thought that by coming over looking sad and in tears that I would catch him. I have been down this road several times and no changes. So when he called yesterday to try and come over and I said "no" - he became very upset. He said I am playing him like a "yo-yo". I know I need my space and at the sometime I have the fear of letting go permenantly. So out of dispair I decided to tell him I am breaking up with him. That I know that I wouldn't want to be strung along to find out whether a person wants to be with me or not. So I wanted to be fair and broke up with him. I am in sort of a state of denial and numb - no emotions, but I know I will break. I am already thinking of calling him and asking him if we were still on tonite for our date. (Something we planned a few days ago.) Is that sick or what. I am just - can't really explain what I am. I am already feeling lonely and desire to be alone this evening and sit in a dark room and think. About what? I am not even sure. I am experiencing guilty feelings. Why is that? I wanted space to think about whether or not I wanted to continue this relationship that I have given my heart and soul to for the last 4years. But I know the return value has been close to Zilch. Just needed to Vent....
tenderheart

March 18, 2005
4:03 pm
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tenderheart

I have been there. That moment when you almost can't contemplate the implications of what you've just done. It sounds like you broke up whilst under duress. Maybe you need to spend some time thinking about the best way forward, so that you can live with your decision -whatever that may be- without regrets..

Good luck with it all

~love charlie~

March 18, 2005
5:10 pm
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trying2getwell
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Wow, you should be proud of yourself.
You did great! Just don't backdown. You hang in there.

March 18, 2005
6:34 pm
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tenderheart
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thanks to both charlie and trying2getwell. I am proud of the decision. But coping and dealing with the emotions is another. Thanks again.
tenderheart

March 18, 2005
6:37 pm
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Anonymous
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Emotions are always hard to deal with.

You are doing what is healthy for YOU and you should be proud of yourself for that.

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