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October 17, 2000
1:49 pm
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Cici
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I need advice about how to relate an important issue to my oldest sister. The burden falls on my shoulders because the rest of my family likes to play martyr.

My oldest sister, Vicky, moved away when she was young. She is kind of self-absorbed and pretty much lives in her own fantasy world. Her husband talks with my other sister's husband about how unhappy he is and how he wants to separate from her, but she got pregnant and now he's stuck.

Anyways, now that she's pregnant her self-absorption has become obnoxious. She doesn't even know my fiance's last name. She demanded that my other sister and my mother stay with her for 2 months after he twins are born to take care of her. My father is terminally ill and unable to care for himself, but she simply said, "Oh, he'll do fine on his own for a few months."

She has never grasped the fact that my Dad is terminally ill and has only a few years left to live. She doesn't call them ever, and this hurts my father terribly. She just sort of uses them. She got them to make a downpayment on her house and they bought her a washer and dryer as well. She didn't say so much as a thank you.

When she does visit, it is because her husband wants to see his family. She always stays with them.

I personally have nothing to do with her. She doesn't know anything about my life and makes no effort to, so I simply return the favor. The rest of my family, however, are still trying to understand why she is as she is.

Before her marriage she was different, very caring and interested in others. After five years with her husband she has slowly become a b*tch, plain and simple. I was outraged when she suggested my dying father take care of himself, he can't even remember all the kinds of medication he takes!

But how do I tell her about this? I don't want to make her miscarriage, but whatever I tell her is going to make her really angry. Should I jsut let my family sort it out for themselves? My Mom offered to stay with her for a week instead of 2 months and now she's not talking to anyone (again). I want to patch things up so that my Dad will at least feel like he's not being rejected.

October 17, 2000
3:13 pm
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janes
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Since you have nothing to do with her as it is you can afford to tell her straight out...I don't think saying something will make her miscarry....check it out.

If she is currently not talking to anyone maybe you can just let it lie...

To make sure your dad is not feeling rejected you should give him more attention and not worry about your sister.

IT is sad when families are dysfunctional but sometimes the best we can do is the best we can do. If everyone offers her a week then that should be good enough .. if not then I see it as her problem..not yours.

My sister had premature twins and my mom went down on weekends for about 4 months. I did't go at all. She "handled it" and did't expect special treatment.

Visiting nurses may be available. If your father is terminal..she is unreasonable. some one should tell her.

Good luck

October 17, 2000
6:34 pm
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Molly
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Go ahead and vent Cici, try writing a couple of letters first, and see if that settles you. Like she will hear you, doubt it. Sounds like a spoiled princess, just say no. don't get caught up in the drama, I know that your health is not great, and you would most likely like support for your caretaking efforts of dad, but its not like she was there before. I think if your mom can stand her for a week, she will get to be with the babies, and that is not to long for you to help out with Dad, maybe? The best thing for a spoiled brat is to be ignored, and poo pooed when the tantrums and threats start, gosh ok so she is pregnant, and the hormones are raging, maybe that would be a good start to the letter, lighten up and laugh at her, go with the I'm sure your not serious.

October 17, 2000
6:44 pm
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g'luck cici

November 1, 2000
1:16 pm
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Messy
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September 27, 2010
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Your sister is very narcissitic but maybe she does not want to see her father as ill so in her eyes he is healthy. Maybe iti is too much for her to deal with so she pretends it is not a reality

November 12, 2000
7:20 am
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Ruth
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September 24, 2010
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Wow...there is another type of rotten human being I can write down on my note pad...there are so many kinds of rotten people...the first on I knew was my brother..Mr. I know it all and I'll bash your brains out if you say different. Anyhow...enough about me. You would like a very caring individual, but you are too close to the fact to see clearly why it is there and why nothing is changing. Let me give my suggestion to the Why's. Why she is like she is: People come to her beck and call to she is spoiled to it. Twins...congratulations! She can take that job on herself, that is what being a mother is all about. Let her live and learn. I mean, it's okay to let them stay with Aunty or Grandma with you need a day of rest, but if your mom goes to care for her when she is perfectly strong enough to do for herself, she is just feeding the problem. Do you see it now? Let her experience life. The experience is an eye opener. After caring for twins, she will sure damn well come to appreciate what your mom and dad went through! Maybe she will learn some compassion as well. Good luck. Take care of you and your father. Make sure he experiences the wonderous things in life before he passes and above all...don't let him die without you being there to hold his hand. My father died alone 6 years ago...I was in foster care 150 miles away...Social Services wouldn't take me to him...I should have ran away to see him, I should have listened to my gut instincts...Don't you do the same to your dad! Take care. 🙂

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