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Single, White, Depressed Female
June 18, 2000
5:22 pm
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LAA
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I am a 27 year old single mom who has been on anti-depressants for almost three years. I am tired of taking a pill to be happy or stable. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was probably a problem drinker. My dad eventually went to rehab only to become a dry drunk and my mom no longer drinks at all. Now my dad is dying of lung cancer and my mom leans on me and expects me to be able to make things right. I am a single mom and have plenty of my own worries. I can no longer raise my parents. Anyway, people tell me to make things right with my dad, but I think he needs to make things right. I have no apologies to make. Am I feeling self pity or just demanding self respect. This all sounds crazy, but I am hoping someone will be able to relate.

June 18, 2000
5:24 pm
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LAA
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I forgot to add one little thing. I worry about my drinking and the last thing I want is for my son to go through what I went through with having an alcoholic parent, but at the same time I really want a beer.

June 18, 2000
7:25 pm
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heartfelt
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Laa......sounds as if the one little thing you added in your second post is truly a answer for you. Yes you have a choice between a beer and your son....is that really a choice? From what you've posted I sense you've done little or no work in regards to looking into issues of recovery. Also sounds like alot of resentment. Resentment is poison, forgiveness is freedom.....start your journey before the pathway becomes to cluttered to see. Unfortunately these life issues are not an easy task to undertake, but if you want to feel and see things in a different light, start working.....Read co-dependent no more, go to an AA, ACOA, Rational recovery, alanon, meeting.....keep coming here but look very closely at the "one little thing" your son.if you worry about your drinking get help...You will never regret it, IF YOU WANT TO BE FREE.....thinking of you because I know where you are at. Remember it's a shame when small children are afraid of the dark, but it's a tragedy when grown men and women won't see the light.

June 18, 2000
11:01 pm
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janes
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Research your anger too.

You may a lot of valid reasons to be angry with your folks...that's fair..but not dealing with the anger and resentment among other things is not healthy for you or your son.

we aren't not saying you don't have a point ..you do..and you are right...you don't have to raise your parents but you do need to act like an adult in this situation.

Your parents seem to be apying big time for the mistakes they made.

good luck in your search for freedom from the anger, resentment and fear of
dependency

June 19, 2000
8:26 am
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Spirit
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To forgive the acts of another is to set yourself free from the bondage of anger and distrust. By doing so, you have shown yourself respect. Also, you have taught your son a valuable lesson, that parents are human, they make unwise decisions, and, that love, from the heart, is stronger than any other feeling, emotion, thought. Should your father pass on, would you have peace within if you just held steadfast to your stubborness?

June 19, 2000
10:00 pm
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LAA
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I don't feel that I am being stubborn. My father knows that I love him. I stood by him when he drank a case of beer a day and called me ugly or stupid. I have been upset and very angry with my father, but I have always and will continue to stick by him. I just feel like crap thinking that he will probaby die and have no idea how much he hurt our family. Why should I have to be on anti-depressants and go to therapy once or twice a month because of my childhood and have him have no idea how much he has effected me even into my adult life. I don't want him to feel bad just admit what he has done and maybe even apologize. I love him and sometimes even hate him, but I certainly don't want him to die and that is coming in the near future and I don't want to have any regrets, but at the same time I don't want him to continue thinking about only himself. I hate alcoholism and I hate cancer.

June 20, 2000
7:02 am
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Iris
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It is a good sign that you came here and that you want to depend on yourself to deal with depression.

What exactly do you mean by "making things right" ?

You don't HAVE to raise your parents,you can CHOOSE either to do it or not.It is your choice.

CAN you raise your parents is another question.It is a matter of will,do you WANT to raise them or not? It is up to you.You choose.If you want you can and if you don,t want you can't.Decide,then say :I do or I don't WANT instead of I can or can't.

We apologize when we made mistakes. When we do that we are strong,because we admit we made these mistakes and we do not want to repeat it.

When you talked about getting alcohol,you said: "I worry about my drinking and the last thing I want is for my son to go through what I went through with having an alcoholic parent,but at the same time I really want a beer". Notice how the second part of the sentence cancels the first part.If the first part really applies to you ,it doesn't go with part two.They don't go together.Decide which one to keep.

Forgiveness is strength.It is for YOU not for the other.

In addition to co-dependent no more,suggested for you to read by heartfelt,I suggest you read addicted to love.

June 20, 2000
9:34 pm
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Spirit
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There is only One Power that can make him see the pain he has inflicted on you and the rest of the family. Yes, you feel all the hurt and anger and want him to aknowledge his wrong doings, but that won't take it all away. Forgive him and set the hurt and anger free. Heal yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself, and let go.

I too, had a father who drank and treated his family like crap. Its not easy growing up in that environment, with your self intact. However, its not impossible either. As to cancer, my mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Talk about mixed feelings. If you read my poem on the Poems thread, you would understand. I will do what I must do, and let Spirit straighten it all out later. She wasn't always there for me, wasn't the "mom" a kid could cuddle up close to on a stormy night, but she is my mom, and I will make certain she has everything she needs to either get through this, or, well, I'll keep you informed. Let peace guide my decisions, and yours...

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