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single mom, only child, son 20 fighting all the time
February 17, 2006
3:01 pm
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colletteadams
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September 30, 2010
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I have been a single parent since conception. My parents divorced when I was 14. Dad left us for another woman. Fast forward, I met my son's father when I was 20, he left me when I told him I was pregnant at 26. I had my son and raised him to the best of my ability. I would say honestly that 90% of his life I was a great Mama. 5% I was so-so and 5% I was abusive and terrible (name calling, yelling mainly, occassionally slapping/hitting). For those times I am ashamed and feel tremendous guilt.I never let men come in our home and take up my time and order my son around. It was our home and they were guests. My son is a very quiet, thoughtful, sensitive soul. I am a loud, gregarious, codependent lost soul that loves deeply and is loyal to a fault. At least that is what I think of me. 5 years ago, I was fired by my alcholic boss and evicted from my home of 6 yrs because my landlord wanted our home for his daughter, not because I didn't pay rent. I had no home, was scrambling for work and moved in with my Mom. My grandma died, my mom became permently disabled and my son started to use mushrooms and smoke pot during this time. I also, managed to buy a small 540 sq ft condo 1 bdrm and buy a small retail business. Living with my dominating mom with my son was disasterous. 2 yrs ago, he and I moved into our small condo. Today, he does not speak to me. When he does, he says I am a loser and abuser. We are so lost and we have hurt one another so much. I am so sad, so ready to die. Too much pain, too much sadness. I have failed him and I don't believe we will ever heal from these past 5 yrs.

February 17, 2006
3:09 pm
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mj
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(((((((((Collette))))))))))

It sounds like you have accomplished a lot in your life. I commend you. I don't think that you have failed your son. You did the best you could under the circumstance. How old is your son? Don't allow your son's drug use to affect your self esteem. Addicts have their own issues. You need to focus on taking care of yourself. I can tell you are a very honest person. I am sorry you feel all this pain and sadness.

February 17, 2006
3:19 pm
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mj
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Ok...just read that your son is 20. Is he enrolled in college? Does he work?

You may be his mother but he is almost an adult. Don't allow him to blame you. Empower yourself and keep doing what you know is best to take care of yourself.

February 17, 2006
3:48 pm
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colletteadams
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Thank you for your responses. My son doesn't use drugs today or drink. He works full time and pays for all his own food, gas, clothes and personal items. He has lost all respect for me, he refuses to accept that he has to take responsibility for his actions. I am heartbroken. I realize that is is a "normal" developmental transitional behavior for young adults to think that their parents are idiots and to rebel against everything the parents stand for. That is not the problem. The problem is that we are now, basically roommates, so to speak. I play along with the no talking thing, its easier. But, last night when I got in, he had broiled his steak, in the oven that he has openly cooked chicken and other meats. The oven needs to be cleaned. When the temp is over 400, it smokes up the house. I am going to replace our smoke detector because it is not working. I think that is indirect guidance. I got scared and mad that he had not listened to me about the dangers of a greasy oven and to either clean it or not cook at such a high temp. After so many "little passive aggressive'things, it doesn't take much to "break the camels back" and I snapped and the fight was on. I hate the feeling afterwards. I am sick today and he is too. It is too destructive. It is a no solution problem

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