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Signs of an Untrustworthy Person
July 1, 2009
11:39 pm
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_anonymous
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According to Marth Stout phD author of THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR

"When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless persont's forehead as you will ever be given."

July 2, 2009
9:25 am
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atalose
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WOW, that’s very interesting. I think it can be fairly easy to recognize bad behavior and even egregiously inadequate behavior but it’s that plays for pity that I have tended to get sucked into.

When thinking about bad behavior I also believed to what degree was that behavior and was it really bad enough for me to cut ties or but a halt to my involvement with certain people.

I think my own codie thinking often skewed my view of people’s behavior, I wrote a lot off based on knowing they had family problems, grew up with dysfunction were going thru a ruff time in life, etc.

I often see people doing the plays for pity as needy and desperate for attention, I still struggle with that one but I am getting better as I have enough problems in my own life to take on someone else’s.

Thanks Destiny for posting that!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 2, 2009
10:15 am
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Lanigirl
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Destiny,
I just wrote that powerful quote down. Thanks.

Atalose,

I've excused a lot of bad behavior. My goal is to decide what is good for me. I still need to remind myself that it's a goal because sometimes I fall down in this area.

July 2, 2009
1:37 pm
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truthBtold
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All I can add is thank goodness for gut feelings and intuition!

Gut feelings have never, EVER let me down....not even once.

(Not very many things in life you can say THAT about!)

July 2, 2009
2:24 pm
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Wow...this one hits me right in the heart..kinda what i am going thru right now with my ex and she basically has me questioning everyone as to whether i can trust them or not. But her behavior was that definition to a T.

do u think dishonesty comes from just being an uncaring person or that their insecurity causes them to cover up the real truth..hence causing them to be liars?

July 2, 2009
2:52 pm
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Lanigirl
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Oops,

That's a great question. On top of the dishonesty, in my situation, religion was used as an excuse for the dishonesty because the person was "trying to change". Very confusing but I bought it. Also, the lies were mixed in with truth so it was hard to see them as lies.

Truth,

My gut has been twisted so hard with codep. that I'm out of practice listening.

July 2, 2009
2:57 pm
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truthBtold
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Oops,

"do u think dishonesty comes from just being an uncaring person or that their insecurity causes them to cover up the real truth..hence causing them to be liars?"

What does it really matter?

WHY waste your precious time and energy trying to 'figure them out?' when they more than likely have yet to venture into figuring this out for themselves?

Kind of pointless, wouldn't ya think?

(Sorry, I do not mean to come across as harsh - it is just that I wasted too much time and energy mulling over what turned out to be a rather moot point in the end.)

tBt

July 2, 2009
6:44 pm
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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tbt..no offense taken..and you are right..that is one of my problems..i spend do much time trying to figure out why "they" are doing what "they" are doing..that I don't examine why I am doing the things i am.

Liars and manipulators can only get away with what I let them get away with...regardless of their motives. Just thought i would throw out a question to make sense of something that maybe will never make sense to people who don't play that same game.

July 2, 2009
11:01 pm
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atalose
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Oops,

What do you do with the answers to “there” why’s?

After spending all that time on figuring them out, then what?

What do you normally do with that new insight you’ve learned?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 5, 2009
7:46 am
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shy_rose
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I think that sounds correct, but usually go trying to "give people a chance' actually most people who have been untrustworthy in my life try to make me feel sorry for them.Its like I don't want to believe they could be that cunning though.
Thanks for the heads up ^-^

July 6, 2009
1:36 pm
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babysnakes
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the sociopath next door is a fabulous book. When I was in my early 20s, I was obsessively in love with my ex, who turned out to be a sociopath. I chose not to notice all of his evil abmnormalities. I'm 31 now and I still have ramifications from that relationship. Not the least of which was being in the relationship I was just in with a practicing alcoholic. The book really helps point out the behaviors of sociopaths and the woe that befalls those who try to befriend them let alone save them.

July 6, 2009
10:22 pm
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MsGuided
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"Dr. Stout says, lists seven characteristics:

1) failure to conform to social norms.

2) being deceitful and manipulating.

3) being impulsive.

4) being irritable or aggressive.

5) being unconcerned about the safety of the self or anybody else.

6) being consistently irresponsible.

7) and being unconcerned and unremorseful for hurting or stealing.

To be a sociopath, you need to have at least three of the symptoms (and not just because you're in a bad mood. If you're not a sociopath, you'll probably regret it later)."

Paraphrased from Stouts book on this page:
http://www.bookslut.com/scarle.....004676.php

or in the origional book page 6.

To ignore a persons painfull stories shows a lack of compassion.

A sociopaths use of pity should be examined and grouped with the features listed above when classifying a risky involvement.

It's never as easy as one thing.

This is a VERY good book!

July 7, 2009
9:46 am
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Wow..wow..wow Ms.Guided...thanks for sharing those with us..very eyeopening...I am gonna look more into this book and the sociapath personality as I believe i may very well be dealing with one. I guess the more things i can learn to help open my eyes..the less and less appealing this person will become to me despite whatever my heart might be trying to tell me. I always seem to be able to see the good in everyone..and have trouble finding it in myself many times...strange hey?

You guys rock!!

July 7, 2009
3:20 pm
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bruto77
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I think the girl I may be dealing with has all seven of those characteristics, and I remember thinking she could be a sociopath, cuz how could they do these things, with no remorse? AT ALL? And then somehow I pointed the finger of fault at myself..
[see thread "I'm male, and think I may be co-dependent."]

July 9, 2009
10:26 pm
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wireless28806
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What are signs of a trustworthy person???

July 15, 2009
10:32 pm
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Millionflower
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Seems to Perfect and to perfectly good.

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