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sick and angry - "Hot for Students"
April 30, 2009
9:37 am
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robbie2007
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last night I saw this show called "Hot for Students" about teachers who step over the line and have relationships with students.

It brought back a lot of memories. It happened to me. I felt sick inside when watching the show.

and angry that I never did anything about it. im SO MAD that it happened. It wasnt even a teacher it was the school psychologist who i went to for help and she knew i was vulnerable.

I dont know how to put closure on it. Its been a very long time and yet it still affects me today.

April 30, 2009
10:33 am
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RobynB
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Ugh, that's terrible. Perhaps you might need to go back and confront the abuser. She might still be doing this to other students and you owe it to them. That alone may empower you enough to put some closure on the situation.

I myself am a teacher... and am young and attractive. Situations like "Hot for Students" really chaps me because small-minded people love to try to sensationalize that like it could happen to me because they assume that young, hormonal students will try to make themselves available to me. While I have heard rumors of "crushes" and even had some young male students ask me to "marry them" it has always been made clear that I am more like an older sister/mentor and that I would never do that to them because it actually would be uncomfortable and innapproapriate. I know this because a 44 yr old male horse trainer was innapropriate with me when I was 15... as well as a 26 yr old substitute teacher when I was 18. As a very modest young woman, I can still remember feeling ashamed; as if my budding sexuality should be hidden. And while I have put it behind me and sucessfully moved forward, I am sickened by adults who do this to young people. Young people need to experiment with other young people, end of story.

Ironically, I now date a man who is 15 yrs my senior, so it isn't even the age difference that bothers me... it's the mental maturity level and the breach of that trust boundary that should exist.

Again, I'm sorry this happened to you.

April 30, 2009
10:53 am
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robbie2007
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I cant confront her now. Thats what I mean, I wish I had done something back then. It was so long ago - 1985 - but still....

A few years ago I tried to track her down but was not successful.

When I went to college, I told the counselor there. But I dont think she believed me. I even brought stuff she had written to me.

She had told me that if she was ever backed into a corner she would deny everything.

I threw away all that had been associated with her years ago.

I mean, it is too late to press charges right?

April 30, 2009
11:18 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Robbie, my first response is that it is too late to press charges, but it isn't too late to go back to the school and tell them what happened and register a complaint. 24 yrs? She probably has retired.

Bitsy

April 30, 2009
11:18 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Robbie, my first response is that it is too late to press charges, but it isn't too late to go back to the school and tell them what happened and register a complaint. 24 yrs? She probably has retired.

Bitsy

April 30, 2009
11:21 am
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robbie2007
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bitsy i'm scared....i mean, will that open a can of worms, or just be "for the record"?

April 30, 2009
11:22 am
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robbie2007
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i never told anyone in my family what happened.

April 30, 2009
11:42 am
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RobynB
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It is too late to press charges at this point, but it's not too late for you to find another way to come to grips with this.

She can always deny it, so as far as having public or admitted closure... well, that probably won't happen.

If this happened that long ago, and if she stayed in her position as a counselor, there is not a doubt in my mind that this behavior caught up with her somewhere down the line with another student. So don't blame your adult self for something your adolescent self was unable to deal with. It's time to forgive and put it behind you, and I suppose strong daily affirmations could help with that. Often we divulge into our own "negative self talk" when it would have been just as easy to indulge in "positive self talk" telling yourself things like "I was young and did not know what to do, but this experience has made me more compassionate and willing to fight for young people's rights as an adult."

Hope this helps... hugs to you!

April 30, 2009
11:45 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Just for the record. As a teenager a friend and I used to babysit for this family. One weekend they went out of town. "friend" had her boyfriend spend the weekend and wrecked the parents car. I saw what was going on and headed for home. When they found out she blamed everything on me. The people called me to fuss and tell me that they would never have me babysit again. I tried to explain that I wasn't the one that did it. Several years later when I was about 23 or 24 the father came into the bank where I worked. I went over, introduced myself, and told him it was one thing for a teenager to deny something but I was an adult and it really couldn't hurt me but I DID NOT have my boyfriend over and I DID NOT wreck his car. He said they later found out the truth. I haven't seen nor heard from them since but it was off my chest a long time ago.

Approach it like that. Tell the school it really doesn't matter to you now (that way they won't bow up all legal on you) but you would hate for this to happen to someone else down the line or the thought that someone DID report it and there was no one to back them up.

Bitsy

April 30, 2009
12:48 pm
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RobynB
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Bitsy, that is very good advice.

May 1, 2009
10:19 am
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robbie2007
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ok after some searching i found out that she IS still in the school system.

at first i was happy because I found an article that said she unexpectedly resigned last year - i was thinking maybe she got caught.

unfortunately, after 10 yrs in that school district she has moved on to another.

I was hoping to find her email address in the faculty/staff list, and just write to her and tell her how she hurt me. but i cant find it.

i'm so scared that if i tell anyone in the school district it will start something i may not want.

if i wrote an anonymous letter can it be tracked back to me if i put no return address on it?

May 1, 2009
11:05 am
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RobynB
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Can you call the school and request her email address? Tell them you are a former student and you wish to speak to her. If they won't give it to you, ask if she can contact you via email and give her your email and see if she follows through and take it from there.

May 1, 2009
5:26 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I think that it might help you if you can register a complaint to the school system. if it happened to you, it probably happened to others.

May 1, 2009
9:28 pm
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fantas
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(((Robbie))),

It isn't too late to press charges. You can do it because there is no statute of limitations for these types of cases. The Catholic Church issue is an example. However, this may not be the route you wish to go and that's okay for you. You could write a letter but never actually send it to her. The important thing is for you to do what you feel will give you closure on this. I'm sure you aren't alone in this. There must be others who experienced this. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the school knew this and covered it.

The issue of teacher/student romance, if you can call it that, is as old as schooling is. We are just starting to deal with it now. Where I grew up, this teacher impregnated so many girls and eventually married a girl young enough to be his daughter. Just disgusting. The school, community, and everyone else knew and just let it happen.

Your college counselor sounds suspicious to me. I think she may have been one of those perverts as well.

Keep posting!!!

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