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Shyness
October 9, 1999
9:11 am
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Wilhelm
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September 24, 2010
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I am now in my early thierties but have still
a problem which has been dominating my whole life:Shyness and self-consciousness.I never had many friends. but the worst thing is: I
have never had a real girl-friend.It is very difficult for me to contact other people.I tried to get help from psychologists anf from
those books, but nothing changed. I would like to become as outgoing as most other people.Instead I always think about myself. I am the center of the universe.Now I know that I would have been more successful in High School and University if I could have changed my lifestyle.One year and a half ago I left my country to go to China. I found there a job which is not too bad,but I still cannot feel happy.It seems I can't escape past.Who can help me?Who has the same problems?

October 9, 1999
12:14 pm
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daizy
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I also have strived against being shy. It's a hard thing to overcome. I feel those who are shy had some kind of pain inflicted upon them to become that way. For me it was being sexualy abused and also tormented throughout all my school years for having a birth defect. We all know how cruel children can be as well as how vulnerable we are as children.
I work at it everyday and I've made real progress since I've grown spiritually in the past few years. I really don't know how exactly I started to come out of my shell, but I did it on my own. When approaching a situation where normally I would be shy, I made myself talk to others and soon the feelings would pass and I would feel comfortable. I also have since realized that if a person doesn't give you the time of day, well they aren't worth it in the end. So look at it this way when you approach a shy situation...just say to yourself "make it or break it" and then go talk to someone.

October 11, 1999
8:42 am
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Wilhelm
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Hi Daisy,
thank you very much for your answer.I agree with you:
Someone who is shy was hurt by others before.I,for example, was the only male child of my parents. They had very high expectations I couldn't fulfill.
I was also born with a birth defect:One of my eyes doesn't work properly. So I couldn't play football
as well as other boys.Besides, I had to wear glases.This and other things made me an Outsider.

I think it's very difficult for me to change my lifestyle.How did you manage it?

October 11, 1999
9:37 am
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prince
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September 30, 2010
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I too am intolerably shy. I am in Therapy at the moment to try to unravel the reasons behind it. A violent father and a distant mother has a lot to do with it. When I was about four or five, the teenage son of our babysitter would lock us in a cupboard and turn the lights out, This happened on a regular basis and it seems to me that I have been terrified of violence all my life. I am now 41 and life up to now has been pretty bad. I did consider suicide one, but decided that I wanted to work through the issues that caused my shyness. But it is so hard. I see lively outgoing people all around me, people whop are just enjoying their life. I've always wanted to join in, but thers is something there that is holding me back. It is so hard at times, just to be normal. Therapt is helping me to change, and I am making progress. It is a long road. I have seen my doctor abou it and I want to explain everything to him. What happens? As soon as I am in the surgery I close up again. All my feelings are locked in and have been all my life. I desperately want to change but I can't. My therapist will criticise me for saying can't but how do I explain the blocks that hold me back. I have been working through this for about eight years now and it is a daily process of change and taking a few risks on a daily basis. I am told that I will never fully recover from the illness I have. I need to accept that

June 8, 2012
7:52 pm
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blanket
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Shyness

Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.
 

Most people feel shy at least occasionally. Some people’s shyness is so intense, however, that it can keep them from interacting with others even when they want or need to— leading to problems in relationships and at work.

 

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