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Should I let it go
December 29, 2005
2:23 pm
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reese26
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I am new to this site. I have known that I was codependent for some time now. In the past, I have tried to work on this issue, but always end up forgetting to do so. I should say that I forget to work on this issue when a relationship is going well and as soon as I am sad about a relationship, I miraculously remember my problem and want to fix it again. I am 22 years old and I have a 5 month old son. The father of my son is a drug addict who as far as I know is clean right now. I stayed with him for about a year and a half while he used drugs, stole from me and a countless list of other insane things occurred. Although I was aware of the things that he did, I could not break up with him because I was too scared to be alone. However, about a month ago, I met someone and then decided to break up with my kid's father. This guy and I have gone on about 7 dates. I have only been dating him for about a month and I find myself completely infatuated. When I am with him, I feel that he likes me, but then when we are not together he doesn't call a lot and he has blown me off a couple of times. I don't know what to do about this. I have only known the guy for a month so I really shouldn't even be thinking about him this much. I don't understand why I just can't let him go. It's like, I meet a guy and automatically I feel like he is the last guy I am ever gonna meet. And as much as I tell myself that this isn't the case, that is what I believe. I just need to know how to let it go, if I should let it go...and what to do to not make myself crazy thinking about it. I would really appreciate some feedback on this. Thanks

December 29, 2005
2:49 pm
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Shaney
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Hi reese - the fact that you jumped from your first relationship in to another because of your fear of being alone, is probably a big reason why it's so hard to let this new guy go. ..... you're just afraid of being alone. When we jump into a new relationship so quickly like that, without giving ourselves time to overcome our hurt and fears (like the fear of being alone), we tend to over-romanticize the relationship. The new relationship becomes desperately important to us becuse it's keeping us from facing our fears... it's keeping us from feeling lonely.

As far as this new guy goes... you've only had 7 dates with him and he's already blown you off twice. See this red flag for what it is - this is not a good sign already, and it's only been a month.

My suggestion is to concentrate fully, on you and your baby. Get over the need to have a man in your life and you will eventually attract a man worthy of you... someone conifident and responsible. You're very young, and have a lifetime of dating ahead of you, regardless of how you might feel right now. Trust me... you'll have so many new experiences and encounters with new people, that in ten years, you won't even ba able to remember all of their names. Relax a little, and enjoy what you have in front of you at the moment - you have your youth, your life, and a new baby that needs his mom to be healthy and confident. Be happy and count your blessings, reese. Take care :o) Love - Shaney

December 29, 2005
3:39 pm
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Lass
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September 24, 2010
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Reese,

Dr. Laura would suggest staying single and raising your child alone if not with the father. I have to agree on this one....

Many men have a great deal of trouble with the idea of raising another man's son. It is just a real sore point with them that simply does not go away easily. It is a rare man with the character on board to do the job. We as women don't understand this because we are capable of stepping in. But it is true.

Secondly, you want to patiently give the father a chance to get cleaned up and straightened out before replacing his position.

Third, you will grow in strength of character in ways you can't even imagine, and if you do the work, you can then emerge a woman who would never attract nor settle for crap treatment again.

LL

December 29, 2005
3:50 pm
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kathygy
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reese,

right now you are very vulnerable. this man responded to you and you jumped on that. I can understand how you feel but I think you need to get your feet planted firmly on the ground before you start dating again.

It a man doesn't call me much and has blown me off I loose interest real fast. I want a man that shows how very interested in me he is in his actions and his words. Anything less, forget it.

You deserve much more than the crumbs this man has thrown your way. For your own peace of mind and self-respect forget him.

You will meet other men, I promise.

December 29, 2005
7:14 pm
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reese26
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Thank you so much for taking the time to give me input. It helps a lot to know that people are listening to me and giving me advice and that I can talk things through here.

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