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Should I give up?
March 3, 2000
7:15 am
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Jaytong
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thks janes, that's really a great site.
um....I guess, after reading all the suggestions from all of you, I recognize my problem. But still, I don;t have a very clear picture. still don' t know how to fight against the co-dep problem/ how you look into yourself to find out what you want.......maybe it's because i was in denial for too long and therefore forgot what I really want.......um....do u think seeing a counselor will help????

Jaytong

March 3, 2000
12:51 pm
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oldmaid
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Hi JT this is janes...never mind the "oldmaid" thing.

Yes I think professional help may help. I have also noticed that sometimes it is hard to put what i feel into words or ..... to recognize WHAT I feel at all sometimes. I have anxiety and anger down pretty well. But others, esp. love give me pause.
In the Melody Beattie book she points out that all emoions can be pretty much grouped into glad, sad, mad and frightened. That kind of simiplicity helps.
try to start noticing what your simple choices whould be. and how you feel about simple things. Itty biity steps aren't bad.

Denial for a long time can blunt things. But maybe your wants have changed too ?

Growth is growth..just recognizing that you need to grow or learn or move somehow is good

And if you are currently on your own...you may have noone else's feeling to "borrow" Relax. you don't have to feel each emotion today. let them find their way back to your heart and mind.

Just be YOU...whatever that is. It doesn't have to have a name or a label..

March 3, 2000
11:23 pm
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Jaytong
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i made some initial contact to a counselor, hope she's willing to see me.

yes, i always fail to express myself fully, this is stupid. and i also have a problem of getting angry. I have NO anger. Everyone says i am so nice....but unable to get angry is no fun at all.

alright, i'm going to bookstore. will update you guys after seeing the counselor.

all the best.

March 4, 2000
10:12 am
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lost soul
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Hi jaytong , so how's life getting on? well. sometime in life, we do feel confused.i am not too sure about others, but for me,yes!!! At times, I feel confuse about certain things. Like what is right? and what is wrong? am I doing this right? am I doing this wrong? am I over reacting? would it be better if I have not responded that way? Lots of "question mark???" in life, but I believe in one thing, that is, people grow wiser. We all learn through mistakes, through the hard way, we may called it.
Don't feel bad about unable to express yourself fully. Because It really take time for others to know and learn about you.

March 4, 2000
11:02 am
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janes
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OOOOHHH jt...you do have anger somewhere. I am the same. used to just CRY and not see it as anger. You are so nice! You'll find all your feelings soon.
Lost-soul..such an insightful posting. We do all learn from our experiences. some folks choose not too.but that's their loss.

It does take time. We live in a world that repsects instant fixes...and we all need to be patient wand do the work.
ttfn

March 5, 2000
2:51 am
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Jaytong
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hi, lost soul. thks for your concern, well, there's not much chaos in my life at this moment. I changed my job. Working in a new environment helps a lot. I used to work with my ex in the same hospital. leaving the job and break up with him is just a co-incidence; but seems good for both of us. I met him once in the workplace after we broke up, but that just create great pressure on us. I don't know how he feels, but for me, seeing/hearing him would remind me of feeling hurt, no good at all.

"it take time for others to know and learn about you".....I should bear that in mind. there was once that my ex complain me about unable to express fully; i was feeling real bad when he say so...didn't recognize it's him who's wrong.

Janes, i guess I do have anger, but I used to suppress...due to family problem. my mom has mental problem, you can't say one word wrong in front of her, or her reaction can be devastating. My dad has to work for long time everyday. I don't really have a clear picture of "father" in my mind when I was a child. I have to "behave" myself since I was young. can't lose temper, 'coz you'll just trigger an even bigger problem.....maybe that's how I lost the ability of getting angry.

um...it's good that you can cry. I failed in crying too. I haven't cry for many years, but it's getting better now. But still, in front of people, I tend to hold back my feelings, and fail to cry.

yes, time is what we need. be patient and work on it step by step. in this world, there's something can't be urged.

March 5, 2000
7:54 am
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janes
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jt
I "used to" suppress too. Infact I got so good at it I still do it 95% of the time. My shoulders are always in knots as that is where I carry my anger. I even found a pafe once that listed symptoms of suppressed anger and chronic nec/upper back pain was one symptom

It it amazing what our bodies will tell us...and we just don't listen.

My mom is Nutz too. And my did..while not working all the time wasn't able to stop her from attacking us verbally. Well he was ABLE he just didn't do it. In fact my husband and I had a good talk about her yesterday. He had some good insights. My mom seems to respect the sister who stand sup to her more than anyone else. I have been standing up to her more esp in defense of my children..I don't let her try to be the mom and then bitch about my kids to me anymore.
It's hard cuz we can't change other people and wouldn't it seem that if they would change we would be so much better!! but

You sound a little bit down today...
but not bad

Well...you're grownup now..you don't have to "behave yourself" according to childish rules anymore. You haven't lost the ability to get angry or cry...they are waiting for you. You just need to unearth them

Have a good day dear.

March 6, 2000
5:11 am
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Jaytong
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oh, my god. I always have pain in my shoulders and back....I don' t know that's one symptom of suppressed anger!

March 6, 2000
5:40 am
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Jaytong
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do I sound down? oh, yes, I made appointment with a counselor, but she is busy, can't see me until Thur.....well, that's life in a big city. Everyone is busy every min.

March 6, 2000
6:10 am
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janes
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I know....suprprpised me too

How about:
-Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks
-Perpetual or habitual lateness
-Liking for saidistic/ironic humor
-Sarcasm, cynicism of flippancy in conversation
-Over politiness, constant -Cheerfulness, and attitude of grin and bear it
-Frequesnt sighing
-Smiling while hurting
-Overcontrolled monotone speaking voice
-Diffifuclty in getting to sleep or sleeping through night
Boredom, apathy loss of interest in things
-Slowing down of bosy movements
-Getting tires nore easily than usual
-Getting srowsy at inappropriate times
-Sleeping more than usual- maybe 12-14 hours a day
_-Waking up tired rather thn rested
-Facial tics, spasmodic foot moverments
-Grinding of teeth
-chronically stiff or sore neck
-chronic depression-extended periods of feeling down for no reason
-Stomach upset/ulcers

It's almost THURSDAY!!!!!!

March 6, 2000
7:54 pm
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Jaytong
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oh, god. how come there are so many "match ups".......surprised me!

March 6, 2000
11:35 pm
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janes
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Just that when you say...I have NO anger...to me that sorta says...denial.

You don't need to get it all out today...just be aware...be there.

It's okay jt. YOure learning.

March 7, 2000
3:16 am
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Jaytong
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hi, Janes,
just a question out of curiosity......
OK, I know for sure that I have to "detach" from him, to be a whole and be myself. But, still there are always some daily stuff happening around me to remind me of him. I don't feel pain when I think of him like that.
Am I still "attached" to him? Or, I've got used to "think for his part"?

March 7, 2000
4:42 am
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lost soul
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Hi Jaytong & janes

i haven't visited this site for the past few days because i am sick. My body is asking for rest & retaliating. I am suffering from shoulder & upper back pain, didn't know that its a sign of suppress anger until I read from janes during her post on 5th March.
Well, at this moment of my life,its my job that is causing me all the stresses, I look forward for this to get over at the end of this month.
There are lots of similarity when I read your thread.I don't know what is the feeling of being loved by a father. I just know that in my life, I have to struggle since young. Always respondsibility, respondsibility. i guess I really need a break from these. But when?

March 7, 2000
6:07 am
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janes
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JT, Lost soul go to new thread...mad as heck

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