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Should I e-mail him?
May 17, 2007
2:38 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Hello my all about friends,
It's been awhile since I've posted, but I do come here and read your posts often. I've had no contact with the xbf for about 4 mos. He called yesterday, I didn't answer but he left a msg about his friend who overdosed and died after being clean for awhile and he leaves his wife and two kids. I met him once when we went motorcycle riding with him. I wasn't sure if I should e-mail him to say I'm sorry or just let it go. And just hearing his voice again has my emotions all mixed up, even after all this time. He ended things last Aug! and I still think about him every day (*rolling my eyes). And it's been soooo hard to keep no contact and wonder if I'll ever forget him.

Velvet~

May 17, 2007
2:44 pm
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2bstrong
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Hi velvet...I say do what you feel comfortable with. Think about the expectations that you might have by contacting him. What do YOU want from the contact? Ask him why he is reaching out to you, if you like. You deserve to know.

I am saying this from personal experience, but I would not reveal anything about my feelings toward him (since he is the one who broke it off). Let him do the talking if you decide to connect.

May 17, 2007
2:44 pm
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itsmynick
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thats easy, if it 'feels right' for you, then do it. but, really, if you have to ask, then, there's a reason for that..

i say u put in 4 mos... keep it up..
good luck! 😀 wishing u success!

May 17, 2007
2:59 pm
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atalose
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If his contacting you has your emotions all mixed up and you are still thinking about him daily after 4 months, I'd say no do not contact him.
Stick to your no contact, itsmynick is right, if you have to ask there's reason for that....

What does your gut instinct tell you to do???

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 17, 2007
3:10 pm
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nappy
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Velvet,
The answer to your question is would you ever forget him? NO
He was a part of your life and he was who he is.
The only person that knows these question of the heart when it comes down to an ex is the person that they was involved with.
Either you are strong enough to talk without feeling or you are weak to his demands or voice.

If you haven't had the NEED to call him after four months, then what is the bother. An ex will always find something to get in contact with whether if it is good or bad.
They do it just to keep that little bit of hope open just in case they can squeeze back in.

But that is only if you want it to happen.

Letting go of a person is not saying that you should hate them, it is just that there part of the story is over with and it is time to move on.

Wish him well in prayer and let him go on with his life.

Nappy!

May 17, 2007
3:18 pm
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At_it_Again
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Hi Velvet,

Reading this has me wondering WHY he contacted you to tell you about his friends death. How long did you date? Were you that involved that you need to know what happens to his friends now and in the future? Sounds like he is reaching out to you for comfort and support, when maybe he should be seeking that from his wife?

Just curious as to HIS reasoning for trying to bring you back in his life.

May 17, 2007
3:33 pm
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fantas
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I'd say. Say a prayer for him and don't contact him. Especially if he ended things with you. I'm sure he has people in his life for support. Keep taking care of yourself like you have been doing.

May 17, 2007
4:14 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you for thoughts and insight. To answer At_it_Again, We were together for almost 2 yrs. He decided to move back to his home state and wanted me to move with him but I wasn't divorced yet, would move away from my family and stuff, so wasn't ready to move at that time, but he gave me a promise ring. He just didn't want to wait for me and was Very hurtful in how he ended it. I think I'll just let it go, what's the point really.

Velvet~

May 17, 2007
4:20 pm
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At_it_Again
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Velvet,

Good idea to just let it go. Obviously he decided to let you go already!

May 17, 2007
5:52 pm
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nappy
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Sometime sweetheart, you just have to count your blessing.

Who knows what would be happening right now if you did just jump up and moved with him to another state.

He was moving to his HOME STATE, NOT YOURS. He would of been around his family, not you.

It is not like you are moving right across town, this was a bigger decision for you and he didn't want to wait.

Girlfriend, please. Take it from me.
This was a blessing, pick yourself up and start enjoying your life.

He's in his home state, please, I'm sure he has a lot of support for his friend death, coming from both male and female.

Nappy

May 18, 2007
11:06 am
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you, and thank you Nappy for I know you're right in that it was a blessing that me moved away. It's the old thing where the head understands but the heart takes alot longer. As a codependent, I'm trying to understand why I would rather be with a hurtful guy with all the chemistry than with an honest, sincere guy that's not as exciting. I saw he tried calling me again this morning on my caller ID, didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. I want to really feel that I don't care to know what he wants to say. Let it go....let it go....let it goooooo...

Velvet~

May 18, 2007
11:36 am
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2bstrong
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hey velvet...

Maybe I'm saying this because I'm hurting right now. But I have been there with the chemistry with a hurtful guy, and this week to my horror, a man that I have been dating for three months who seemed dependable, honest, and sincere (and not as exciting) had out of the blue told me he is not interested in me. This is after three months of mentioning marriage, living together, references to the future, etc. We even had plans to take a trip in July. He made the plans. I told him I wanted and needed to take things slowly and felt myself growing to care about him--not lightning bolts, but the warm fuzzies.

Well last week, he told me he didn't have the feelings for me. After only a week earlier sending me flowers and telling me that he was glad that I was part of his life.

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, but I guess one point is that I mentioned above is you must do what is right for you.--2b

May 18, 2007
2:17 pm
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StronginHim77
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Velvet -

There is an old saying, "All dogs return to their own vomit." Translated, this means men will always return to the scene of the crime...the woman they dumped...and poke the corpse to see if there is a shred of life in her that is willing to take them back.

Don't budge an inch. This man has not changed. It is ALL ABOUT HIM. I don't hear him leaving a message about how sorry he is to have wounded, abandoned and devastated you with his selfish decisions in the past. I hear him wanting comfort and strokes for HIMSELF from the woman he dumped.

I know it is hard, but maintain No Contact. This guy is bad news and has not changed one bit.

- Ma Strong

May 18, 2007
2:17 pm
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taj64
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I agree with 2B you must do what is best for you. But if you know that you might not get an answer or even what you thought you would get out of it, be prepared for it. I contacted my ex just today. I still have strong feelings for him even after 2 years of not seeing him. We traded some emails. There is no future for us but that email also told me that the feelings are still there, that i know they are deep but that we won't be together in this lifetime. It does get easier in time but your heart has to be stronger to be able to accept whatever happens when you do make that call or that email. I went quite awhile with no contact, very long and he knows this. He accepts that I do and will call again, and he knows that it makes it easier on him when i do. But this is different with you. I think in your case, you may want to call, see why he is calling. SOmetimes these things do work out. Hurt does subside. We do get disappointed by the one we love. It is inevitable. BUt getting past that hurdle is so difficult. My thought is to see what this is about. Be grown up and face it: face the truth> He might just want to say sorry for the hurt he caused you. There is no easy answer, but to do what you feel you must.

May 18, 2007
3:08 pm
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nappy
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2bestrong,

I was reading your post and I don't understand how you can go out with a person for only three months and then start making plans about marriage or even living together.

At least give yourself some time before you start making any major plans with a person (man).

I see people now of days think that getting married is a joke. They will get married and then as soon as something comes up that they can't handle then they are gone.

If you have been hurt in your lifetime and it has been over someone that you love, well this is the time to see what you really want out of life.

To me when you get to a certain age in life, everyone woman and man should have a checklist on what they will put up with, and what they want put up with.

When we are young, we meet the love of our life then we start thinking about living happily ever after, we are young and have our whole life to look forward to but if you are older, well things should be a lot difference and you should be a lot smarter. This is where you can choose the person in your life and if they are not good for you, then you should let them go and find someone else.

And talking about being married or living together so soon in a relationship should have told you something about him.
Nappy!

May 18, 2007
6:39 pm
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VelvetHeart
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I'm so sorry you're hurting (((2b))). It did seem like he was moving pretty quickly so soon in your relationship. Have you talked about what's going on with him?

You are all just so smart! Thank you for your thoughtful responses. It just makes me furious to think of even listening to his apology, IF there really ever is one, just so HE feels better. It won't make ME feel better, at least not at this point. But I also am having a hard time letting this whole thing (him) go. And taj waited 2 yrs to contact her ex. Maybe I need to wait but maybe when I'm ready to 'clear the air' he'll not care to anymore. Sorry, analyzing too much.

He tried calling again this afternoon and I still didn't answer. *Sigh...he pokes me and now I'm thinking and analyzing and somewhat stressed. I almost called him before writing this but I can see I'm still too emotionally tied, so I will wait. If it was something important I would think he'd leave a msg or e-mail me. My divorce was final last Nov, but I haven't been interested in meeting anyone, I don't trust myself and afraid of getting involved with another N.

V~

May 18, 2007
6:45 pm
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StronginHim77
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Velvet -

This man is acting like an "N." Remember, it's ALL ABOUT THEM. Always. And this guy sure is fitting the profile.

- Ma Strong

May 18, 2007
7:00 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you Ma Strong, I need to pound this into my thick head, haha!

May 18, 2007
7:00 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you Ma Strong, I need to pound this into my thick head, haha!

May 18, 2007
8:24 pm
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At_it_Again
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Strong,

what you said about men returning is so true. I have had several guys come back and try to talk to me as if nothing bad ever happened. Like hello, I don't have short or long term memory loss, but nice try! LOL

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