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Should I continue to date if deciding between two girls?
May 26, 2006
11:44 pm
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I started dating this guy about 3 weeks ago. I really liked him but every time we went out he acted weird. He wouldnt touch me or show any affection at all? So I finally asked him about it. He said that he met another girl around the same time he met me and didnt want to touch or show affection because he would feel like a fraud. According to him those are things a boyfriend does and I guess he didnt want to lead me on.

He said he wanted to get to know both of us better and then make a decision. I told him I wasnt interested in competing with another woman. Then I wonder did I make the wrong decision should I of given it a chance. Then I think how could I be ok with that? Any advice would be appreciated.

May 27, 2006
12:17 am
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sdesigns
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Well, dating is just that- dating. Unless he's dating you exclusively and you have discussed it and agreed to it, he is free to date others, as are you. If he decides he wants to see only you, then the other one goes.

As far as the lack of affection, I don't understand his point. He could still hug you, or hold your hand or somehow show he cares. I wouldn't make a committment to him unless he was able to show affection. Maybe thats just the way he is.

Personally, I like lots of affection. I like to get it and I like to give it- but only if I am attracted to the person.

Its hard to date more than one person at a time (I know, I've been doing it for a few months now) but one of the guys I dated told me that even when he sees more than woman at a time, he tries to make each one feel like they are the only one.

The fact that your guy told you he's seeing someone else, I think I would feel like you do. I don't want to feel like I am competing, hoping he'll pick me. Its rather degrading. Takes the fun out of it. It is much better if the guy at least shows you he's interested, not performing some sort of test to see who passes.

But I feel like a bit of a hypocrit because I've been dating two at a time for awhile now- dif names,dif faces, but more than one just the same. But I haven't told any of them about each other.

May 27, 2006
7:15 am
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taj64
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That is what dating is about though. You have to be able to compare so that you know what to chooose. I think you gave up too soon. I am in same positon. I just went out with a guy on date though I think he is activly dating others. The date went fine and he even put his arm around me on the way out of the restaurant. I usually don't like to be touched just yet.He seems like affectionate person. But maybe this guy is like me. I cannot handle being affectionate with two guys at the same time. I am more focused on one person but when getting to know as in conversation then I can get to know them and go out with more than one. I would not limit yourself and put all your eggs in one basket. That is what my grandmother used to say. I say take chance and have a little risk because he might just choose you. And if he doesn't, then he isn't meant to be.

May 27, 2006
10:53 am
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Notsure
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Hello,
First be happy that he was honest with you and didn't want to lead you on.
Secondly, nothing prevents YOU from saying something and/or initiating physical contact by taking his hand as a sign of affection. Unless he is a cold fish I am pretty sure that he will respond. If you don't make any moves (even subtle ones) I usually feel that you aren't interested in me.
Finally,nothing prevents you from dating other people. You aren't even kissing let alone having sex so monogamy isn't even an issue.
So go on a couple of dates or ask someone out yourself.
Regards. Notsure

May 27, 2006
11:14 am
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Rasputin
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[email protected] - I admire your date. He seems to be a man of integrity and does not want to lead you on. So kudos for him!

I suggest that you play it cool and respect his feelings and not limit yourself to 1 date. Start dating other guys and keep your cool as well.

Intimacy, touching and kissing will bring you closer to each other and create emotional bondage. I think your date has been acting very wisely by withholding from that till the right moment and I'm so proud of him.

Postpone these intimate gestures, till you and the right date have decided that you were both the right ones for each other.

Good luck in your dating!

~Ras~

May 27, 2006
11:31 am
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Thanks everyone for your advice!.

I do respect the fact that he did not want to lead me on.

What it boiled down to for me was I am not comfortable with that. I have to put my feelings first and I am not a multiple dater. I believe it just amkes things to complicated, like it has with me and this guy.

When I am dating someone it is important to me to have affection while we are dating. Now that I know there is another girl in the picture I would just feel akward while on dates. It would be to hard. I have to hope he picks me its kind og degrading.

Why arent people happy when they met someone instead of looking for the bigger better deal. Dont you think at 30 years of age we should have an idea of what were looking for. I just dont understand multiple dating?

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