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Should I call my friend?
December 26, 2011
6:46 am
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Daenis
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I am very worried about my friend. I haven't been able to talk to her for almost two years. She got very paranoid about the world and cut ties with our circle of friends that helped her after rehab. It was when she got engaged. She wouldn't tell any of us her fiancee's name, invite us to the wedding or anything. She started lashing out at all of us. Anyone that didn't agree with her. She always had to be right, and some times it got ugly if we didnt agree. Lots of hurtful name-calling. Her rage spilled over at times. I wondered if it was because she had started drinking again. She's an alcoholic... she maintained her sobriety for years. She used to preach at us and scold us for so much as talking about drinking in front of her. lol like all conversation should be for her. I heard that she got mad and popped someone and there were legal issues as a result of that. I just knew with the lashing out and physical fighting, she was drinking again.

 

 

I had a very disturbing dream about her a few nights ago. Holding her right side, crying, saying no liver no liver. I know this is going to sound terrible, but I was so worried about her I dogpiled her name. I found her married name because she has signed online guestbooks for some funeral homes, gave both maiden and married name. Her FB page is locked, but not his. I knew what he did for a living so I was able to find the new hubby on FB. It's just as I thought. He has pictures of her and of them drinking. In bars, at parties... there faces all shiny and puffy eyes squinting from drinking. you know? Drinkers think they look good in pictures, but they really look... well they look puffy and drunk and silly. It makes me so sad. She stayed sober for so long and even quit smoking. I wonder what happened, if it is to keep up with the new husbands lifestyle. To keep him. He makes a good living, and has a real nice big house on prime property. But how can she be happy if she's drinking and brawling again? Maybe she drinks because he does and they dont have much else in common. How uncomfortable is it to lie to yourself? (I can handle drinking some times) (I can handle a couple of beers once in a while) She turned herself into a blonde, instead of the brunette she always was. I know she's trying to be someone else.... Blingy boozy, blonde bride. I'd like to offer my love and help, but I'm hesitant to because she gets so nasty when she's defensive. lol like drop and roll. Do you think now that I have her #, I should call her? Reach out to her?

December 31, 2011
2:40 pm
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nadamystery
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Why not call her. You have nothing too loose. As long as you can accept her the way she is (an alcoholic). From what I have heard alcoholics must become clean and sober before anyone can even think about having a healthy realtionship with them. This woman has found a man who is as bad off as she is. My guess is that either this relationship will end with one dying from complications associated with alcoholism or one will get clean and sober then, leave the other one to seek out the same.

January 2, 2012
7:41 am
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Daenis
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Hello Nadamystery
I don't know if saying anything to her will make a diff. When someone is drinking all they want to hear is agreement and approval. If I go to her and say, I'm concerned that you are drinking after staying sober all these years, she might use that as an excuse to drink more. It will definitely make her rage on me. She always did that, drunk or sober. Everyone else is sick or a psycho. She's not the one with any problems and whatever she does is justified. Shes getting encouragement from the new h. obviously. its so sad. The last few years all for nothing. its a good point you make. They will die like that. from drinking diseases.  
January 2, 2012
9:19 am
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nadamystery
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Its very sad that she chose a husband who supports her drinking. Saying something to her can't hurt. She might use your confrontation as an excuse to drink more, but alcoholics drink no matter what. No one makes her drink and rage but her. Anger is the underlying problem for alcoholics. The liver is used by the body to detoxify and when it gets damage amonina builds up and it affects the brain. An MRI of their brain will show that an alcoholics brain is shrunken and pulling away from the skull. Rehab. and sobriety will not reverese brain and liver damage.

May 30, 2012
4:14 am
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ShiningLight
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Daenis,

 

Yes you should. If you think you are a true friend to her no matter what she's into right now, you should reach out. Friends who are just always present during happy times but not during hard times are not really REAL friends. Prove to her that you are one of her real friends. If she accepts you then it's good, if not then better luck next time. At least you tried. Smile

June 3, 2012
11:07 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Woe and WOW!  This one is very difficult to consider.  Are you sure she got hitched to an alcoholic?  Maybe she cut the ties from her past because during rehab she realized she had to.  I dunno.  Either way I don't think that if you call her it will help her unless she accepts you into her world again.  I cannot say it enough times, we have to stop blaming the substance for the underlying problem of an addict.  Nothing and no one can get a person who has an addiction to a substance to be ready to receive help.  Some never will.  Some reach out and try and then go back to the addiction.  Honestly, I believe that substance abuse is a disease of the mind that affects the body & there is no cure for it.  The only way out of substance addiction in my opinion is through the support of a group struggling with the same affliction & primarily through the belief in God or equivalent higher power.

Please accept my apologies for posting something spiritual on a site that supports counselling.  I believe in writing as a form of self help and perhaps once in a while reading what others have written and listening to what works for them, but the journey towards recovery is purely personal and cannot be forced if it has a chance of working at all.

 

One Day

June 9, 2012
1:36 pm
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Junonia
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onedaythiswillpass said:

Blanket:  could I ask you why are you replying to posts from over five or ten years from our current time?

 

One Day

 

P.S. I really think that your posting name is a good one for you.


Yes ask away but I won't answer unless you and Shining Light answer the same question. You both respond to old posts. Why?

Read the Full Page: HELP FOR DEPRESSION, CANT GET MOTIVATED! | Questions, Advice & Help 
AllAboutCounseling.com

June 10, 2012
5:05 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Junonia:

why did you post my post three times?  Why are you re-posting my post at all?

 

One Day

June 10, 2012
8:59 am
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Junonia
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Why wont you answer my question?

July 12, 2012
4:39 am
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Curtis Baker
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After reading your post I must say you must talk to your friend.May be some misunderstanding has been created between you both

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