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should I call it quits for good?
February 11, 2004
11:29 am
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valerie04
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I'm 42 in a 2nd marriage 2 years old. I've already moved out from my husbands place and in my own apartment, but we're talking and seeing each other to discuss "things". He's had difficulties with relationships in his life because of his controlling and mildly abusive ways. And here I go, sounding like so many other people in my situation, but he's never hit me, he has shoved me once, grabbed me and put me against the wall while screaming in my face probably about 6 times. Has had unrealistic expectations of me. Well, where we are now is that he is admitting to me that he exhibits abusive tendancies, and that he does not want to continue with that, because he sees the end result is me moving out. We seperated last year at the same time and I returned after 5 months, there were some improvements, but there were still controlling, jealous, manipulative ways that he continued to act on. I recently told him that it's like the first stage is he takes issue with something that I've said or done, which can range from me taking an extra hour and a half of christmas shopping and not calling him, to the point where's he's in a rage because I'm explaining how time just flew for me, my explanation pissed him off, and he dug in my purse to take my cell phone away since I didn't use it to call him. Which I now feel like I'm being humiliated, so now I'm handing him over his christmas present which happens to be a trac phone, and he replies that he'll take that one plus mine. I am now upset and tell him that he'll get a divorce for christmas. Now he slams the door to the bedroom and grabs me by the shirt and slams me against the wall. Well, that happened a couple weeks before this past christmas. I left on December 29th. He understands that his own insecurities about himself drive him to react in hostility, and he wants to not be so oversensitive. Oh man.....I love him, but I have my youngest child living with me whose 8, and we've been through this last year, and I would love nothing more than to be in a good relationship with my husband even if means going through soul searching and counselling as long as the end result is being in a healthy respectful unconditionally loving relationship. I know you don't know me, but I know a lot of you have been through this before, and I would love to hear from you.

February 11, 2004
11:33 am
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mj
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Hugs Valerie

Only you can say what is right for you. You have your answers....I will listen.

February 11, 2004
11:53 am
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Worried_Dad
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Sounds like a batterer to me. Ask Zinnie, and Free and Ladeska what they think. Tough it out if you must, but understand that it will probably be just that--tough. Rough, too.

February 11, 2004
11:57 am
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Anonymous
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Valerie- WOW, you're story sounds so much like most of ours and honestly, there is nothing we can tell you that will make a decision for you. I know though, that at least he can admit that he has a problem, and that is always the first step. The second one is if he is willing to go to counseling or anything to help that problem, that is a good sign, but only you know if he would be serious about it? Do you fear him?

February 11, 2004
3:24 pm
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Zinnie
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Valerie,

Go the to the "Spousal Abuse" thread, and pull up all posts. Read that.

I will be happy to answer any questions you have.

Z.

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