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she's gone: i am starting to believe it
February 17, 2006
7:52 am
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johnhere
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my gf just called it quits last saturday after 15 months..it was so abrupt..I am really shocked...other threads have more detail

Anyway, i emailed her to offer apology for what i think happened. Tried not to make it whiny but she probably thought that. She wrote back. Its over. I have to move on. The thing is I just suddenly lost the best friend I ever had and don't really even know what happened...I have some thoughts of what happened but the punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime.

I know there have been millions of people who thought that they would never find someone as wonderful as the person they just lost...but later found someone even better.

It isn't in my nature much to give up, but at this point it is either that or continue to suffer. The sooner I recover, the better.

Thanks for you encouragement and for the place to hang out for a while.

February 17, 2006
7:58 am
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Notsure
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Hi John,

You're more than welcome to hang out. Lots to read and learn here.

Notsure.

February 17, 2006
8:03 am
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johnhere
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thanks Notsure. Although I obviously don't know everything, maybe I can help someone else.

I sure could use someone to talk to right now. There is a huge hole in me because the person I used to talk to all the time (even when we weren't together) is gone. Has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk to me.

February 17, 2006
10:51 am
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LotusTampa
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Hi John and welcome.

I relate so well to what you are going through. It is not easy, I know.

Doesn't it almost feel like a death? That's how I feel, anyway.

You are in the presence of kindred spirits here...sometimes people are only in our life for a season (or two) and we must accept whatever it is the other person wants (wouldn't we want others to let us go if we chose a different path for ourselves?).

Anyway, I know it's difficult, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

You will find your new "normal" and peace. I try to remind myself of this "resistance creates suffering".

Have a beautiful day and please let me know if there's anything I can do from cyber-world.

🙂
Lotus

February 18, 2006
5:09 am
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alycia
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John,

My babies dad left me after being together for 4 years, he had been with his baby for 4 months. Packed his bag that night and off he went. Said he was going, Later on as he would visit his daughter he would give me reasons why.

All my fault of course. I got no goodbye, no thank you, no sorry and would you believe after 4 yrs we would still hold hands as we watched tv, we still had alot of what we had from the early days.

If you need to talk to anyone about abrupt endings i am the one who can sympathise. It is so hard when he comes over, he is quite cold like as if i wrecked his life and abandoned him.

I hate every second of it, i am getting better though but it still hurts a great deal.

I am sorry this happened to you because when they just pull you off like a bandaid it feels very bad especially if you thought it (the relationship) was going to be for a long time.

I am still being told to see a counsellor, i have alot of anger as u can imagine cause he wont even babysit for me, he always has things to do.

If you wanna talk i suggest counselling, i still may do it so my family and friends dont have to listen to how much i hate him for what he did and how his mum is a useless grandmother.

See my anger hah.... I wish you the best john and do know that time will heal this and i dont believe anyone is worth begging for or pleading with... When ppl dont wanna stay, u cant make them.

There is a lady called alicat on this site, she gives the best advice and she said to me, as much as it hurts its not for us to understand, its there stuff....

Those words get me thru cause i still dont get it...

I am here if you wanna talk sometime, in the meantime remember if i can get there .... you can... Stay tough john okay.......

February 21, 2006
4:25 pm
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johnhere
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alycia,

Thanks for the response. Sounds like you have been going through a time rougher then mine as you were married with children.

I have worked at acceptance very hard the last few days. Been reading quite a bit on how to mend a broken heart but also about how to be successful in all areas of life (relationships included). I have also started a painting project in my house that was overdue.

Still the wound is fresh and my mind does remember all of the wonderful things. I am trying to understand what I did to get her to this point. I am not really sure why she left, but I am examining things that I can do better and working on changing them. Change isn't easy but that is also something I have been reading about and am starting to implement a plan.

So thanks to all who have offered encouragement. It does hurt now, but I let it happen. I made mistakes. I didn't realize them, but she sure must have. She made some also, but I can't do anything about that now. If I don't believe that I made mistakes, I have no chance of making any changes and similar things will occur in the future. I will be much better prepared next time.

One of two things will happen in my future in the next several months. She will be back in my life and it will be much better or I will find another and be a much better boyfriend (the more likely scenario).

For now, I do still miss my best friend.

John

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