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she was an escort
March 15, 2005
2:04 pm
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magik
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Hey Tracylyn,

This is a poem we RJ and I worked on last June after going through a difficult time.

We had a lot of fun with the poem.

I think my poems in the future will pertain more to self love and taking care of one self before we take care of others.

I have to head into a meeting right now, so I will email more later,…

magik

In perfect Love and perfect Trust what will be,…..

In a large room with a round table
Sat two people willing and able
A Gallant Knight was he
A beautiful Goddess was she

A Challenge for the Knight was presented
In his suit of Amour bleeding feeling resented
The Goddess reached to him, in honour and respect
With limits and boundaries that will be in effect

The two great people continued to talk
And every effort made so no one would walk
A celebration of a new friendship
A beginning of a magickal relationship

With gentle spirits and kind ways
The Goddess and Knight will treat each other all their days
This is a magickal friendship that is destined to grow
In what ways and margins no one is to know

It’s the efforts of the two of them that time will tell
If there is to be a oneness in spirit body and mind to quell
the roll of honour the Knight is to win
the roll of the Goddess to have her Knight begin

His divine duty towards her is to be
Her consort, protector and friend you see
The Goddess gains from his protection in every way
In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust together they remain down to this day

For she is the courts Goddess in all her glory
And he is her Knight, the one telling their story
A reminder this poem will be for those within it share
For future days, moments of friendship, and love to take care

In a large room with a round table
Sat two people willing and able
A Gallant Knight was he
A beautiful Goddess was she

In perfect Love and perfect Trust they came to be

March 15, 2005
2:16 pm
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tracylyn
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Magik that's beautiful.

Sounds like a wonderful friendship.

t

March 15, 2005
7:56 pm
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Amazed
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Isn't it amazing how we judge people and react so instantly without taking the time to listen through the whole story first? If you read through the responses on this thread from yesterday to today there is a definate change in people's responses. Yesterday you were taking advantage and deserved what you got. Now today there is understanding of Magiks's side?

To me this tells the complete story of how society reacts to these kinds of things and how unfair quick reactions can be. Sadly people are not given second chances or the opporunity to rewind life and try it all over again. Migik I hope you take the time to rewind this whole thread and relook at how the folks on this thread eventually responded. I read it like this - Magik you took advantage and got what you deserved to Magik we understand you and what you have been through - we understand. I point this out to you Magik in the hope you might take some solice in the fact that people tend to judge very quickly and rarely will come back to apologize once they rethink things. I'd be willing to bet RJ and her husband along with people who judged you as manipulative and doing things only for yourself would reconsider their statments once they had the chance to LISTEN to what YOU have so say.

I say stay strong and focused. Look at your inner self for the right answers and filter what is said as often its reactionary first. Reread this string and you will see what I am talking about. You can see that in what you say RJ did (although we haven't heard her side) as well as other statements made here. I think there are many of us that have been through similar situations such as yours and some of know how painful reactionary words can be. Those people that judge should not throw stones - those that listen and ask are the good ones.

March 15, 2005
9:05 pm
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magik
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Thank you Amazed,...

You are too kind.

I tried to reflect as honestly as I could both sides. And I recognized that my side is prejudiced by the fact that I love her. I thought of emailing RJ and ask her to join in, but I don't think she would want to participate.

I am happy to report that since our break-up she has removed all signs of her web site (when she was in the escort business) and all related links. I hope that she is reflecting and healing. This whole episode has been traumatic on both of us.

I think it’s easier for a guy or at least me in this case. I don't have to go home to a person that left me out in the cold as an escort. RJ faces a man who did just that,...and you know, I hope that they get past that and become a happy couple.

For me, this thread has been most helpful. Do I miss RJ, you bet. Soooo much so that it pains me,...but there is hope that I will become a better person.

Also, people’s first impressions are important. When I was reading the posts deep inside I was saying to myself, 'stop beating up on RJ,' again I wanting to take the heat so that shouldn't have to feel the pain.

Believe me, RJ is a good person, in fact a very dear and wonderful woman, it’s just that circumstance and events in our lives brought us together, and well I believe we both benefited and we both got hurt.

I would like to believe that she didn’t plan this from the start, and that she was trying to better herself, but saying that, I should wake up to the facts,….again here I go, trying to make excuses. Let’s just say that I don’t hate her for what happened and that I understand. That’s it, I understand, we both need help and counseling.

I will always love her and cherish her memory. It will be some time before I get over her, but life does move on,....

She called me her Knight, she told me that I rescued her, thus the title of Knight. Her first nick name for me was 'magik' and no one has ever given me a nick name. I am sure that if circumstances were different, perhaps we could have been friends for a long time.

I am so pleased to have come across this web site, to the operators, thank you : )

Oh, by the way, I did print out about an hour ago the thread so far, its 40 pages long and makes for a great read, helping me to re-think, and draw support from. Also, I read intently peoples criticisms, they were honest and that's what I need to hear. The truth hurts. RJ and I always told each other the truth, even when it hurt. We had an open and honest friendship. I hope that she is well and that we both find happiness in life,...and for all those who gave me advice or a piece of there minds, again I thank you and I wish you all the very best this life has to offer,....

Blessed be,...to all

magik /|

March 16, 2005
6:48 am
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SweetAmanda
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I have some more things to say.

Magik,

Why do you keep saying that this woman's husband is so god-awful?

Sure, it does sound like he doesn't love or respect his wife, but she doesn't love or respect him, or herself, either.

It's a big warning sign to me when someone knocks down his or her spouse constantly. I think that as a partner, we are to be supportive.

It's a shame that she made him out to be a dick. Was she forced by threat of bodily harm to become an escort?

Did all of her times talking bad about her husband cause her to 'see the light' and get up and leave him?

I wonder what kind of picture he paints of her to his lady friends.

Amazed,

About these threads. Of course opinions change, and the course of the advice/support changes as well. At first few posts I didn't know much about Magik's situation.

So what do you do? You do what you can with what you have.

Amanda

March 16, 2005
7:29 am
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Mordrin
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magik:

My I suggest that you do treat this episode in your life as a memory. A memory of happy times, a memory of sad times and above all else, a learning experience. Don't beat yourself up on what could or should have been done as it only will preclude that you were at fault and that is not being fair to yourself.

I have had a hard and difficult time in shaking off my RJ of the past and when she called me two years later to wish me a Merry Christmas, my heart did in fact skip a beat or two just to hear her voice again. I was even semi-depressed for a day or two after the call. However, my long term plan of action was to cease the friendship with her as any contact with her was not in my best mental interest.
I'm not suggesting that past loves cannot be friends, but in my case it would have only prolonged my limerence with her and destracted me from continuing my productive daily life.

Consider the fact that your RJ and partner do not view the world or life in general as you do. Their life styles and values are probably totally different than yours or mine and they may wish to continue to struggle through life together in their own way. Perhaps like the old quote: "You can take the horse to water, but you cannot make him drink."
The couple will surly make there way through the rest of their lives as they have in the past, but perhaps because of your brief arrival into their lives they will benefit from the experience of your lifestyle and understand the importance of establishing future objectives for themselves. I know RJ will.

I trust that you will cintinue to be a white knight and role model for others who need support, guidence and some assistance with their lives.
As long as the support does not evolve on to a personal level, you will maintain control of the situation.

Magik, for my own personal analysis of your encounter as it somewhat relates to something current in my own life, I need to ask you a question: During you friendship with RJ did you ever perceive that she had lied to you for any reason or had changed her story on events when you pressed for details?

March 16, 2005
7:51 am
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magik
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Good morning Amanda,

In the spirit of being balance and attempting to paint the whole story here, RJ never put; down; her husband. Yes, she told me about his inability to keep a job and a good part of this was due to his immaturity. If he didn't like his employment he would just get up and walk. In fact both of them would do that. If anything would cause them grief they would just walk away.

When RJ visited me once she was very down, asking her what was upsetting her she replied the constant calls from creditors, bill collectors, etc,....she couldn't handle it. So I asked her how much are you in debt. She said 41 thousand dollars.

I offered to pay of her debt so that she could get on with her life and concentrate on taking care of her self. About three weeks later she emailed me and she that she would like to take me up on the offer. She sent me a print out of all the bills. The student loans that where in her name I paid off. The Credit cards that were hers I paid off, the credit cards that where in both her and her husbands name I paid half. And the car loan that was in her name, the husbands name and the father-in-laws name I paid half. The total amount I paid that was in her name 32 thousand dollars.

I paid the creditors directly insuring that the money went straight to the source. I send RJ an email saying that I took care of 'her' bills and that,..."if XXXX what’s his bills paid he can get his own damn job and pay them himself"

RJ wrote back and told me then that he was her most treasured person in her life. And why do I treat him as an enemy. This was last April, 2004.

I replied that I don't hate him, and in fact I never brought up the term enemy or do I hate him. I said that I do not care for any man who escorts his wife and earns a living off of her. Why didn't he go escorting and save you from the trauma.

I never got a response other than we agreed not to talk about it.

That was the only subject I would refuse to discuss, I had a very hard time with that, and I didn't want to go down that path.

Her saying that I treated him as an enemy is what I believe her projecting her feelings. I have never met the man, nor did I wish to. RJ wanted me to meet him saying that he's a nice guy and everyone likes him,...and from my policing experience manipulators are nice guys, they are chameleons, they will become what ever they have to befriend you. Just look at how many charismatic nice guys we have behind bars right now, those guys who 'con' their way into business, take advantage of women etc,....

Pimps are nice guys on the outside,...and let me make it clear,...I am not judging, I am only stating the facts as I see him.

That's it for now, its 07:30 and I have to head out to the office.

Amanda, for anyone to quit his job just because he didn't like it, someone who lives in a dream world believing that he is an animated artist but failed two very important interviews and this very person now believes that he is a stand up comic and at the age of 35 wants to pursue that career at the expense of his wife, is a selfish person. The only employment he can get is a salesman’s job. Just last year he had three jobs. And I am not say a sales job is not respectable, but for someone with a University degree, well in the part of the country that he is from there are lots of jobs.

After 12 years of marriage and nothing to show. They live in a downtown apartment 620 square feet. (my office is bigger and so is most people kitchens) They have been there for 8 years. She had worked as an escort for two years and were still in debt, so what was all that for? When is he going to stand up and say, hey,...let me do my part and help out! He is using her. That's abuse on several levels. And again those are the facts.

Ask yourself, you would let your husband treat you that way? and if you guys fell on hard times would your husband let you escort yourself to make ends meet?

And if he did and your relationship was that open, then more power to you guys. But for me, well I come from a world were by each partner takes care of each other and we would not put our partner in harms way, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, or other.

During my time with RJ I constantly would build her up, tell her that she was important. I took her to she Dr. Phil (she loved Dr. Phil), I would buy her books and CD that would inspirer her. And she did read the material because we would discuss what she read.

Oh well, I am running on now, I have to leave for the office.

Lets talk later,...

magic

March 16, 2005
8:09 am
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Amazed
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Magik,

Sounds like you are already healing and moving forward. That is often hard to do with this situation but if you truly are moving on then you are heading in the right direction. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

Amanda,

I was just pointing out that what was said to Magik initially was the same reaction RJ probably had when her husband got the telephone call and she reacted to it without even talking to Magik about it. I read many more of these threads than I do answer to any of them. My opinion is to listen and learn - not to judge or pass judgements. I felt that there were people judging Magik long before they even asked some pretty simple questions. All lot the responses to threads I read, again in my opinion, are reactionary not analitical. Sometimes that seems to work great for those strings where people have known each other for a long time or where it's just a open string. But to me this site also discusses some pretty serious issues or ones which are very personal. At that point I would hope that all would put on their neutral caps, analyse what the person is worried so much about that they have turned to this site, and to analyse the entire situation BEFORE passing some judgement that eventually changes. I was just pointing out what I saw - people change their opinions of you, the situation or the other person once they take the time to listen before passing judgement. That happens every day in life as well and probably happened with Magik as well. I was hoping to provide some comfort in what had happened to him and the hope that RJ and others don't truly believe what he did was taking advantage and him trying to get something out of someone with a hidden adjenda.

No matter what I think Magik is now believing that he wasn't the abuser people started making him out to be. I think he is strong and pretty much typical in what some guys go through in life. I've been there and felt the pain of my RJ and the people who only heard one side of the story. What I learned is that when people truly ask, listen and want to hear the other side is only when the other side of the story can be understood. When that happens it's amazing how you feel when someone listens to you. Right or wrong it's nice to have someone listen to your side after being bashed as an abuser. With a site as important as this I think people need to understand their responsibilities to those such as Magik that are here in a whole lot of pain.

Just talking out loud of my observations - these are only my opinions. But as you can read - once people backed off and listened the strings were much more supportive. I think that is what helps all of us the most! 🙂

March 16, 2005
8:39 am
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I have wanted to die because of my money problems, how my life is on hold because of 'lack of funds'.

I'm not just whining about having no cute clothes to wear. Cute clothes would be nice though! My life would be problem-free if I had money.

But then that could be me wanting to place blame, you know, put 'it' somewhere so it's easier to manage.

Maybe as long as I don't have money I will at least have a scapegoat.

Sorry, I just needed to let my feelings out. I am jealous of this girl.

I pray that you are well Magik.

March 16, 2005
9:33 am
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magik
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Oh my dear Amanda,

Money is not the answer,...please believe me. Money has its own headaches. Particularly if you never had it before. It took me years to appreciate what and how to make money. And this was done at a great personal costs.

I have a gift, and that gift is doing business. I can make money at almost anything. That's why RJ gave me the name magik.

I have helped all kinds of companies. I have turned around companies next to bankruptcy. My five companies are all self starters, companies that I have started and put in teams of executives, paid them well and turned a profit. Its a team approach, and the whole team wins,...in fact, I am rarely mentioned, I prefer to sit in the back ground and let others take in the lime light.

RJ was privy to that. And that appealed to her.

Amanda I can teach you how to make money and get out of debt. I enjoy,....no I get the biggest hoot out of watching people make 'it'. Watching people grow and find their niche in life brings me great satisfaction.

Amanda, when I started my first business I borrowed 3 thousand dollars from Master Card. Today I do well over 21 million. And that was in 1991 (i was 31 at the time )when I stared. I am now 44. I am no Donald Trump, I am no tycoon, I am just me, and I am happy being me. I would be happier if I had RJ to share my life with me, but that is not the case.

It was not easy. I had to work all the time, evenings, weekends, and holidays. If I had kids or other responsibilities I don't think I could get as far, and Amanda should you have a husband or kids, then you have something I always wanted, (not the husband ) >grin< . I replaced family with business. Yes I have had girl friends, but none of them could keep up, even when I slowed down. And we were never in 'sync' as I was with RJ. In my view RJ and I made a great set, a complement to each other. Tell me, and think about this, what is holding you back? What do you believe is in your way to making 'it'. List them out and I will help you jump, go around, crawl under, or what ever it takes to by pass those obstacles. That' all they are obstacles. When ever someone says, it can't be done, I always find a solution or alternative ...the word 'can't' or 'impossible' does not exist in my vocabulary. I am a doer in life. RJ say that, and I was willing to help her because she asked for help. Her husband tried to ride on her efforts. That's why I did not pay what I believed to be his half of the bills. I help a lot of people, and you know all I ask in return is that they help others. For me I don't need a lot. I have everything I need (other than RJ) and there maybe other fish in the sea, but RJ was no fish, she was a mermaid,...(there I go again,.....ah,...the wonderful memory of a beautiful woman) Anyhow,....post your list should you feel that I can help. Lets see what we can do together. And you know Amanda, you can do it! I know you can,...anyone can turn despair into hope, the hope into reality. blessed be,.... majik : )

March 16, 2005
11:27 am
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suckernomore
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Magik, meditate on my username and you will be amazed at the insight that may come from it. I came up with it after yet another emotionally abusive relationship, where i gave everything i had to please someone not truly worth pleasing.
Maybe this will help, maybe not, but certain people will use you to get what they want.
Think of them as the greatest salespeople you've ever met, they use WIIFM (What's In It For ME) and give you just enough of that for you to hang onto.
All the time, her and her husband are sitting back, laughing at the way she used you and are hoping deparately that you WILL send them a 30,000 check so you can fund their next scam.
Sounds cruel, but i could've used the nickname, Cynic too! 🙂

March 16, 2005
11:33 am
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So now you view your relationship with this woman as romantic rather than friendly?

Because in my opinion a romantic relationship entails a lot of extra issues and difficulties that you were never confronted with in your relationship with this woman. Physical intimacy, living with someone, etc...you fit her into your business life.

Amazed : Now today there is understanding of Magiks's side?
- I don't know that you read all the responses -- but I never said that. From the get-go I said he was taken advantage OF. I advised him to learn how to establish healthier and more concrete boundaries.

Anyways, Magick - stop referring to this woman. Stop reminiscing, get rid of everything that reminds you of her and MOVE ON. Don't be like a dog that revisits its own vomit, for chrissake. Lesson learned. Thank god you didn't get devoured.

I personally know of many, and have been accused of being myself, a "man eater" that uses her looks and manipulates men with "white knight syndrome" into helping me and doing things for me. I have been manipulative in the past. I am extremely intelligent and I know how to talk to people to make them feel comfortable when I want to.

Believe me when I say, these things are done in full knowledge and her ability to cut all ties and walk away was partly guilt. I know this from experience.

M, you are a doer, but you are also an enabler. You have been marinating on this failed quasi-relationship.

I got better from my past relatinoship after I initiated NC and stopped letting myself think about him all the time.

March 16, 2005
11:47 am
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Good morning Cici,

Its going to take time. Am I still thinking about her,....yep!

As busy as I am, I still think of her. maybe getting drunk will help? : )

Maybe a make over,....hey there's an idea for a new reality show, getting over an ex!

Cici, lets team up : )

Thanks agin for your comments.

I am not sure if you believe in the rule of three or the term what goes around come around. I wish no harm to RJ, but I do hope that she will find what ever she is loking for.

Blessed be,...

magik

March 16, 2005
9:22 pm
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I have to go to work now, but when I get back I do want to start learning from you. Is that okay? I need to make it. But to be honest, I doubt that you will be able to do any magic on me. LOL I have always been the one person who just happens to fall through every possible crack.

See you later, Amanda

March 17, 2005
7:03 am
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I'm back from work now. I'm gonna go to sleep though, cause there is a job fair today. I want to look presentable! LOL

Hope you are well Magik.

March 17, 2005
8:43 am
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Magik,

I agree with you - it will take time to get over and move on. While the brain knows and realizes one set of logic and facts, the hearts knows another. Certain people have the ability to just turn OFF their emotions. Most do not. Sounds to me as if you will harbour tender feelings for RJ for while. What's the saying??? "preaching to the choir" My advice would be that it's best for you to try to keep your logic in front of your heart until that stance becomes natural. Easier said than done, I know. But practice will make it easier. I hear you totally when you say that no matter how busy you may be, thoughts and memories come unbidden to the front of your mind and heart. Heartbreaking - I know, can relate & sympathize. It will get easier with time. Hopefully, your length of 'time' will not be too long.

Everyone can offer you their good advice, and opinions of RJ, but I tend to stick to your heart. It is a separate organ than the brain and will do its own healing on its own time. Your heart doesn't always like to hear what the brain has to say (personally, I think my heart is rather dense), and the two must find a balancing act somehow, someway. Yin & Yang? Your 'love' counterbalances the hurt and logic you are feeling and discovering. The balance is in the end that this becomes/remains hopefully a fond memory that you learn from of what traits not to repeat. I try to learn from my mistakes and not turn tender memories into anything cynical. I know I've been taken in the past, but I guesss I was happily used for I was happy in the giving at that moment in time. Now, I tend to hold back what I help on and weigh it out first before jumping in. I harbour no ill will against those I think 'used' me, after all, I allowed myself to be used. No one forced me to give as I did.

Remain the same wonderful, loving, giving man - just put your brain into the action before jumping in with your heart the next time. Weigh out the why's first and check to make sure everything relatively balances - that what your are giving, or they are asking for, is not extreme to the nature of the relationship and length of time you've been involved.

I wish you well Magik.
I love how you sign out too...

'Blessed be' right back to you

Juanita

March 17, 2005
9:07 am
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magik
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Good morning Amanda,

Oh how I love cracks,.....

Cracks are easy to fix. OK,...to start,....I need to know a few things,...

All these questions reference your skills, skill set and about your professionally. Amanda, for your own protection DO NOT mention anything you are uncomfortable with or you feel too personal.

What do you like to do?

What are you good at,..ie, typing, data processing, event organizing, public relations, etc,...

What level of schooling do you have?

Do you like working on your own or with a team?

Do you like working in an office or in a retail atmosphere.

What is your hobby?

Do you admire entrepreneurs?

Have you ever wanted to be the boss?

Have you ever had a suggestion for your company and no one listened?

Do you like to do puzzles?

Do you have a second language?

Do you like math?

Do you like talking on the phone?

Are you shy?

What is your favorite; color, number and food.

Do you like animals?

Are you into art, museums, and the theater?

Do you like movies?

Are you able to work more than 40 hours a week?

Can you travel?

Do you have drivers license?

Can you multi task?

Do you prefer to work with young people?

Try and answer as many as you can. This will assit me to buld a profile of who you are, and what basic skills you have.

Thus far from your posts you seem to be a feeling person. You chose your words well, thus telling me that you think before writing,…I don’t do that all the time myself. I let my passion run ahead of me.

You are rather articulate and that’s good. A good number of people cannot express themselves by writing out what they are trying to say. You are mindful because you followed up twice in order to ensure that I get your post.

What I suggest is that we start a new thread,….lets call it “A Job Make over”, what do you think? I will let you think of alternative name for the new thread. Let’s come up with something.

Anyhow,…have fun with the questions and I will keep on the watch for you today,….

Blessed be,….

Magik.

March 18, 2005
10:09 am
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magik
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Good morning Amanda,.....

How's it going this morning?

To help you start, think about or rather do this,....

Close your eyes, and picture yourself, debt free. Just look into your future and see yourself debt free. Don't look for that new house, the new car or Tarzan type of guy by your side. Just see, picture yourself with a -0- balance on your ceditcards. All your loans paid off!

Do that. And once you can picture yourself in that mode, then start looking at what comes to mind as the next most important thing. (sorry Trazan is not for sale)

This will help us focus on how you will get where you want to be.

I have done this many times with people sooooo deep in debt that the center of the earth would be closer than their financial situation.

Love and light,

magik

March 18, 2005
11:03 am
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SweetAmanda
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It's going okay. I made a new thread, in it I answered your questions. It's called "Will your 'Magik' work for me?"

March 18, 2005
11:04 am
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SweetAmanda
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How did you know that I have a thing for Tarzan? LOL

March 18, 2005
11:58 am
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magik
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It's called majic

I will see you at the new thread,....

magik

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