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she was an escort
March 14, 2005
4:54 pm
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bel
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As usual I didnt explain myself well.

I did not mean to say that Magik deserved what happened to him. I was just trying to say that he gave her those things willing and no I dont mean it was okay for her to accept.

I dont usually post because when I do it comes out wrong then people write to me that I am being to hard or I am wrong in what I say.

I will stay in the background as usual and that is what I want to do in order not to get my feelings hurt or be made to feel that I am a cold person.

Have a nice day all......

Hope you start to feel better soon Mr. Magik

March 14, 2005
4:55 pm
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TrueIntuition
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All in all I think most of might agree that what happend was not the best thing to happen to anybody.
Youve done what youve done and nothing can change that. Do you believe there is someone more deserving of your time ?? I hope you do, that's the drive that should keep you going now.
Besides, one thing I have learned is that any woman or man that cheats on thier boyfriend, husbands, girlfriends, mates, lovers, partners, family, or anybody Can not, and I say again Can not be trusted.
This is going to sting but, if she did it to you chances are she is well practiced in her craft and has done it before, during and will do it again.

March 14, 2005
5:12 pm
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magik
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Hello again Cici,…
During the first three days we spent time together we talked about all kinds of things and got to know each other well. She and I took to each other and we became friends.

As with anyone we talked about our past, and what brought us to where we are.

I feel for her hard luck stories and how her parents promised to pay for university and that didn’t happen and how things never worked, and she never got a break.

I believed her, and so I throughout the thought of opening a business that she would like to do. That business was in media relations.
I now see that all of this was too much too fast and that she didn’t appreciate it because it came too easy and without any accountability. Each time we approached the subject of the accounts she would well up and start to cry.

She was over her head and I attempted to bring in people to assist her, but she was stubborn and refused any help.

She did once comment on the way to the ZOO one afternoon, she said that I was controlling and that we would never work out. I responded with a smile and I said, “no, no, no,…in fact its you who is in control.” I went on to say,…”the only time I will step in is when something will hurt you, your business, or us,….other than that, you have full control.”
RJ thought for a minute and replied, “yeah, you’re right, you are pretty accommodating.”

Maybe she started with the best intentions, but the husband, the business, the friendship just got to be too much, too fast.

Cici, thanks again,

Magik

March 14, 2005
5:32 pm
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magik
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Hello bel,….

My dear bel,…I have thick skin and I can take almost any well meaning criticism. And you are right, I didn’t have to give RJ all that I did,…but giver her things, taking her places and treating her like a woman made her happy. She was having fun.

She got to know some of my executive staff and went to various charities / Gala's and events together. She fitted in very well. No one knew of her back ground, nor did I tell anyone. In fact she has talked to others about how terrible I was, and I took all the heat, never once did I complain or defame her. In time people came to see that it was I who is the ‘honorable’ person.

The charities and projects I committed to when RJ and I were together, I have followed through. My word is my bond. RJ called these people and said that I would back out now that she is no longer in the picture. That did not happen.

When RJ walked away from the business, I took the heat and paid off all the bills, work with the bank to closed down the business and filed everything with the authorities. I did write her and encourage her to resign as a director if not then she could be held liable for any outstanding issues. After two letters she did send me the resignation letter.

Bel,…my one fault is I did see certain trends and different things, but being an eternal optimist, I was hoping that things would be different. I wrong I was.

Do I forgive her, firstly I forgive myself for being an a$$ asking for the personal items back. But I do forgive her. If she came back into my life, would I trust her,…I don’t think so, she would have to earn my trust.

Bel,…thank you for your candour,

Blessed be,….

magik

March 14, 2005
5:38 pm
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bel
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Magik, IM sorry if I was wrong about you and it seems I was.

You are the type of person who only sees the good in a person and if you do see something bad wont mention it and in time hope they will see it themselves and try to correct it.

I believe your one in a million and it would be an honor to be your friend. You treated RJ with respect and you tried to make her happy and you felt happy as well. Hopefully you can cherish your good times with her and move forward.

I wish you all the best and take care of yourself from people like RJ and me who didnt see the whole picture right away.

Bel

March 14, 2005
6:12 pm
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tracylyn
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Well sorry all - I have to agree with Bel's first post.

Magik - I think you can sugar coat what your intentions were but I also see you taking advantage of her needs and her previous lifestyle. You offered to buy her this and that in order to possibly produce the outcome you wanted. That's taking advantage. It's caretaking. You thought you could give her the world and she would change but she told you all along that she would not leave her husband.

No matter what anyone thinks of the arrangement with her husband...you do see how she stood by him when his honor was in question. Did she take advantage too, yep, it's like putting candy in front of a baby.

Bottom line Magik - you really need to come to terms with why you did all this for her....the real reasons. Not the fairy tale ones?

t

March 14, 2005
7:09 pm
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magik
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Dear Tracylyn,

Please understand, I only tried to help. I did not ask her to leave her husband, nor did I ask her to run away with me.

We became friends. Our meeting was unorthodox, but we did become close friends. Did I want a relationship, of course, but only if she wanted the same. And if not I was satisfied to remain her friend. And please note I did respect her boundaries. I have never been to her home, or called her at home or behave in a manner that would cause her to worry. The only issue and that is the only issue we had differences was her (pimp) husband.

Maybe, I am old school, and maybe I am not as opened minded as some, but a real loving man would do anything to spare his wife the life as an escort. The dangers she faces, only to earn a living. As a retired cop, when we get a call of a missing person and she is a prostitute, sadly that gets low priority because in most cases she is all ready dead. That’s the reality!!! Its not pretty, it’s not nice to hear, but it’s been that way too long and men prey on escorts because they are easy targets.

Ask yourself,…if RJ went missing, how long do you think it would take her husband to report that she has gone missing? Statistics show that its 36 to 48 hours on the average. The shame he has to admit to, plus the fact of admitting to the crime of pimping holds most men back. Then the police would first look at him as the prime suspect. In the mean time, the clock is ticking. Escorting is a dangerous trade, and there is little about it that is glamorous.

So how do you think I feel when I meet a woman, who wants to change, become someone for the first time and be proud of herself. You don’t get it, that there are guys out there who want to help. I admit, I am not a professional, or a therapist and that I feel very much in love with her. But I am not sugar coating this. We both wanted this friendship to work.

I understood that she was married, that’s why I went through the trouble to set up not one but four mentors. But each time she wanted to deal with me. The functions I go to, she was excited to go. She got to meet our Prime minister, people on the entertainment business, and some very well connected people. Her business was on its way to doing very well.

But that whole time I kept my professional distance,… and during this time I would encourage her, support her and be a listening ear. It was a constant push and pull relationship, are we friends or are we more than friends. The day we would push away from each other the very next day we would be pulled back together.

This issue with her husband being called a child molester and me being blamed for it was something that blind sided me. She knew that I didn’t care for him, but I don’t hate him. His reasons for being what he is are his reasons and maybe he needs help.

Should RJ have left him and try to make it on her own would have made me just as happy. But in my opinion, (which is bias), being in his presence did not help to build her up. So, to respond to your question,….my intentions were honorable. And that’s why I am having such a difficult time with this. And is there a way to make it right?

magik

March 14, 2005
7:35 pm
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Amazed
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Whoa! I'm amazed as this sounds like the assumption is she didn't see any of this. I seem to think she saw and understood all of it. If she was so concerned about her husband then why would she let this all happen? I think she chose to let it happen. Can magik "make" her do any of this - NO. Common, how many people have jobs created for them, accept money, clothes and trips and special treatment at work????? How many people can call up the boss and complain that they want to work directly with them and not others??? She knew all along what was going on and played the game. Don't kid yourself there were two people looking for something here. Only when her husband got a call did she have to explain and she got caught.

Magik I think you do love her and were hoping to show her a nice life and job in the hope she would grow to love you. But I don't think for a minute you owe her $30,000. Think about what you did give her - not only the clothes and lifestyle but also experiences in the real world that she might not have seen as an escort. For the days she did go to work and take on daily challenges was she still reduced to escorting? I doubt it. Wasn't that better?

I disagree with the statement that you have taken advantage of her. Sounds to me as though she experienced a lot and could have gotten out at any time - as eventually she chose to do. I believe she knew what was going on and let it go until she got nervous about things her husband was questioning. I can tell you, you won't forget her or your wonderful experiences for a long long time. It seems like a dream while it's going on and like a nightmare when it's all over. I think now you're looking at sending a big check as a shocking way of letting her know your still thinking of her and your experiences. Trust me she'll only cash the check and your feelings won't go away - in fact it just makes it linger longer. After awhile, if you think about it, it will amaze you how fast she will fill in your place and either place the blame on you or totally forget that any of it even happened. People will tell you to just forget and move on but trust me that seems impossible sometimes. My suggestion learn from this lesson and make yourself better by doing better next time. Someday you will find that match that does appreciate the things you do and is open and honest enough to tell you what they want LONG before they let you build businesses around them. But for goodness sake don't sit there and make yourself feel worse by taking the blame for this one. It was a two way street.

March 14, 2005
7:46 pm
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magik
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Thank you Amazed,...

and if I am to blame, then I will accept that.

Thank you again for seeing how I now have come to see. I was played, and I was blined to the facts.

Love does that to you, blinds you, makes it seam that all things will work out in the end.

You know, it takes two to tango, and I am sure that giving too much too fast didn't help.

I just hope that one day she will see that I was for real,....

Love and light, thanks again,....

magik

March 14, 2005
7:50 pm
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cuthul
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simply;

You werent acting out of love.

You were trying to buy her out of need.

Lose the Pretty Woman fantasy. Find someone to compliment you, not someone to save. You saving someone, as you have found out, dosnt buy you security.

It wasnt your place to judge her emotions or the emotions of her husband. Physical intimacy dosnt equate to emotional intimacy every time.

Anyway, good luck.

March 14, 2005
8:15 pm
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magik
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dear cuthul,

Yes, I was acting out of love. But not out of need. I was very happy as a single guy before RJ and I met.

And a man in my position, I meet a lot of women, but RJ was different. We connected on many levels.

I can see your association with the Pretty Woman syndrome. I forgot about that, I was thinking more along the Forest Gump analogy. RJ preferring the undisciplined anarchist to someone who is 'normal' if normal has a definition?

And I haven't judged her husband. The facts are what they are. He earns a living from her efforts. The term in policing is, ‘profiting from the avails of prostitution’ she had put herself out there in the public’s eye, and she was very fortunate not to get hurt. The facts are the facts. Now does he love her, who’s to say. Does she love him, ....is it love or manipulation? Could it be that her self esteem is so low that she needs him to be validated some how. Is she always trying to measure up to obtain his acceptance?

RJ would say that she felt like an 'ugly duckling', well who made her feel that way?

Perhaps they are both dysfunctional. He being a want -a-be- stand up comedian and her trying to do what ever she can to pay the rent.

I came along and well, I didn't make things any better.

Thanks for your comments; it gives me a lot to think about.

magik

March 14, 2005
9:49 pm
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I was reading the threads, and found difficult, to concentrate after the fact that you suffer from being abandon, and later having a “new family” taking care of you.
Well; I am not a psychology, and I am not tend to be here, but I have being reading about my inner child, and went to the many stages of the development of the human life; and I can comprehend where some of your “blindness” come from , “and not being able to believe that people could be so cruel”…
In any little being life, we depend emotionally and fiscally from our parents, OUR SOURVIVAL, depends of them; and we learn from that interaction. We are being introducing to “life’. At the age that you have being left, you where pretty much aware of your surrounding, your memory worked pretty well, and you could “perceive” what was going on ;and is when any child supposed to start trying his boundaries, exploring the world ,but always have “home” to come back where they feel safe and secured..
And reassure them; throw TRUST, that they are being loved and care for..
For the same ‘delicate reason”, this children that go throw traumatic events (and of course there is not “good abandonment”) tend to invent an alter life ,to help them to deal with the pain, but not with out the high price OF FEELING BAD, NOT LOVABLE ANOUGHT,NOT WORTHY ANOUGHT ,they feel, consequence of being left by they parents.
See; kids, don’t see wrong on their caretakers, they take it on them self;
And at that age It is very serious; and, for your own protection, apparently, you choused to “blind” your self from cruelty (with, I am sorry, but, there is not excuse, for abandoning a child).(with ,by the way; I am not trying to offend anybody here ,but there is nothing I can do about that ,is my opinion)
So, resuming all the trauma, defense mechanism, psychological explanations and consequences…; what a “bad”, “unlovable boy” does?, he becomes rebel, so not being loved is justify (and he has some control of the out come/and some explanation, or at least he thinks);or, and for the same reason ,he becomes a pleaser; so good that nobody could reject him.
It is amazing, how people, in such a horrendous circumstances, are able to move forward.
The human being is amazing in many ways…but when we reach for people that doesn’t recognize our strength and value our “uniqueness”, we are in trouble ,because above all WE ARE NOT RECONIZING our greatness, and how much effort we put into putting our self together
and carry on in such a tender life, all this hurtful memories…and still move on ,and still trying to love them the best we can…
Now as an adult, we have the responsibility/and the honor, to care for him/her. And we know where he hurts, and we know how we like to be console and treated. so ,is entirely our chance to search and discover how to recuperate from it .And then share our “wholeness” with the right person.
Believe me; when you honor your self, you will not set up for less.

March 14, 2005
10:12 pm
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magik
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hopyhoo,

wow,...I need to re-read this a few times.

Yes, I like to please, and yes, I need to make people happy. Maybe that's why I am good at business.

you got me thinking, and that is a good thing. I need to work this out. find out why and what for. and can I make things better, or just accept what has happen and let it be!

love and light,

magik

March 15, 2005
5:40 am
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SweetAmanda
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Oh, and there are other jobs that one can take to survive. Come on, you both should have known better. It's not like it is in the movies. SO learn what you can from the entire situation, and move on.

Unless this is what you dreamed of your entire life that is...

March 15, 2005
7:13 am
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magik
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Good morning SweetAmanda,

Yes there are jobs out there, and in fact RJ had worked at several jobs. However, she would put her life on hold for her husband. He once got an offer in California as a animated artist. They quit there jobs, and went down to California. She too being an animated artist got the job, but he didn't,....he can't draw, so they came back.

Again a few years later the same thing happened, this time a friend of theirs set up the interview in Florida, and again she landed the job but he didn't. So they came back.

Since then she has gotten jobs in a major bank in their advertising department and he, well he worked at a major newspaper at night.

RJ would tell me that if she or he didn't like a job they would just quit.

I told her that that was irresponsible and asked how could they live like that? She said that life’s like that and --so what--.

However, now that they are older, they are seeing things differently and she no longer wanted that life style. She didn't like living in debt and wanted a stable life.

I believed her, thus the job etc,...

Too much too fast and too easy,...she didn't have to work for it. She worked as an escort until someone like me came along and after two years of escorting, I the romantic fool fell for it.

I feel so stupid! Here, with the best intentions I tried to help, maybe subconsciously, I was hoping that she would see me for being a better man, a man that loved her for her, not for what she was,....but that's not the case.

Thanks SweetAmanda for your comments,

Have a great day,....

magik

March 15, 2005
7:30 am
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Mordrin
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Magik:

What puzzles me in your affair with this person is not the fact that you saw something special in her, fell in love and wanted to assist her in developing her life, but to turn over a business investment to her is beyond my comprehension.

I have had a an unforunate episode or two with this type of person at one time or other in my past, but would never jeopardize any of my assets in lieu of a romantic relationship.

I believe that you are a successful and astute business person, but to turn over a new business venture to someone seemly dysfunctional and without the proper business skills and experience is unimaginable.

In reading your course of events, you did provided several mantor's to coach her in understanding the principles of the business. You state that she could not deal with your trusted advisors and wanted to deal directly with yourself.
I would think it would be more factual that these mentors would have advised you that she didn't have a clue (or interest)in how to effectively manage the business. Does she know the difference between a Balance Sheet and a P&L's?
In the event you made a small business investment in order to give her a hobby, I can understand that. But to put your good money and reputation on the dotted line in this situation is not clear.

Just wanted to make a helpful point not to mix your passion with you fortune, less you're married of course. (wink)

BTW, I was a former artillery officer and combat veteran in Vietnam.

March 15, 2005
8:36 am
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magik
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Mordrin,

Thank you for your kind words, and I am always appreciative when advice comes from a fellow Vet!

You are totally correct, and my advisors did tell me that she was over her head. And each time I discussed this with RJ, she believed that she, could manage. I sent her on a course in Huston that lasted for 10 days. Coming out of that course she felt that she could do the job.

I gave her all the room she needed, and I realized that nothing would amount as far as profits for at least two years.

In business, expecting profits immediately is unrealistic and very rare.

Despite the set backs, I being lead by my heart and not my head thought that I could help.

Now I am thinking that I may have done more harm. I should have never offered to help, that's not my place in life. There are professionals out there that should she want to get her life in order, she could have sought their assistance.

I now believe that RJ saw me as a sucker and I feel for it, hook, line and sinker. Or maybe I just let it happen, hell who knows, at this point, I am not feeling the greatest about myself. God, what a fool I was.

Thanks again,

magik
Ret. Captain Provost Corps, Petawaw Detachment Queens Guard 1979

March 15, 2005
8:57 am
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Juanita
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Magik

Very simply (as I tend to aim for the simple basic truth)... You loved her and you miss her. I can somehow relate as I too miss someone I can't have. Haven't figured it all out yet, just the simple truth that it is not going to "be". I have held onto these memories of mine for over a year now & I accept the warmth they offer & know I can never have the real thing.

Take a deep breathe and live each moment for each moment. Try to let the thoughts of her slide away into the background, think of other things... even just the beauty of the blue blue sky or the night time twinkling stars. Close your eyes, empty your mind, enjoy the peace of quietness that comes in. (Mediation)

I can tell you, it will take time to ease the hurt. You can't second guess yourself now. What has happened is past. If you feel there was a mistake made, try not to make it again. Beating yourself up for the past only hurts you.

Sometimes we lose the ones we love due to outside influences, or just they do not reciprocate what we feel. Cradle your love & hold it like a tiny flame - a fond MEMORY of what was, but cannot be. Like a lovely poem perhaps?

Do not give her the money. She gave back to you, made her choice. At least she is respectible in that. However, again, she made her choice.

I wish you well. You seem like a very lovely man. My only other advice would be to practice a little patience in your generousity. You were very quick to give... But then again, I say this as everything I have is very hard to come by and earn, I firmly believe people enjoy what they have more if they earn it. Then again, I've never been on the flip side either 😉

Be true to your heart is the best advice I can give. If you are true to yourself - you will never regret a day you lived.

Juanita

March 15, 2005
9:23 am
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magik
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Juanita,

With a warm smile I read your email,..

When I met RJ, she saw that I was high strung and the typical 'A' character. I run five business's, a charity, I am a reservist in the Canadian military, and lead a UN peace keeping program. I am one very busy person,...however when I met RJ it was like a breath of fresh air. A day with RJ was like a two week vacation. I know it sounds weird, but that's how it was,...and I miss that.

She was the one who introduce me to yoga, and a way of life that included meditation, and a purpose. I would give to charities because I believe in protecting our environment, and it's the right thing to do. I don't need a lot,...throughout my life I have learnt to live with what I need.

RJ gave me a perspective on how to give with principle and meaning.

So, when I go to yoga, or meditate, my first thoughts are of a woman who has meant more to me that anything ever has.

It’s going to be a long road, and truly I thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

Blessed be,

Namaste

magik

March 15, 2005
9:43 am
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Juanita
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ah Magik,

Were this a perfect world... Love would always be returned and blossom two fold.

My husband is a busy man, one of very few words. The man I miss was so similar to him in soo many ways except he always had time to talk, and made a person feel like the Earth stopped and only that conversation mattered at that moment. I never had an affair with this man - but perhaps a one-sided emotional one. He has moved on (my friend) as he was like a rolling rock that gathers no moss. He has been gone a year now & I deeply miss our conversations. He gave me something I did not have / do not have in my marriage. ((sigh))

I do love my husband, but I can only coin it that I 'somewhat' feel in love with this other man too. Why else would I still be missing him & haboring tender memories?

I wish you well. You sound like a wonderful person who any lady would be lucky to be with. Time will help to ease your pain. Don't second guess yourself - you followed your heart.

All will be revealed in good time I believe. There is a purpose for everything - something to be learned.

We grow with each new day, and sew the affectionate memories we have into the very fabric of our beings. (Quilter, I be)

Look at the sky, watch a bird soar, send your spirit up to its wings and let your soul breathe in a bit of peace.

Juanita

March 15, 2005
10:56 am
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tracylyn
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Hey Magik -

I hope you know I'm not judging...I'm just explaining what my instincts are given the information you've provided.

I do think your intentions were good....but do you know why you wanted to help so much. You talked about your childhood...You took care of everyone and perhaps that little boy who took on the world is still inside, trying to caretake, to make things better.

You needed someone to take care of and she needed to be taken care of.

I really do understand. I don't think you should feel bad. Consider it a life lesson and be thankful for the time you had with her.

You cannot change what happened and you can't change the past. You can only look to the future and try to move on with perhaps a better understanding of yourself and your behaviors.

t

March 15, 2005
11:14 am
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magik
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Tracylyn,

Good morning,.....

I just wish I had all this information before I met RJ. But such is life.

The best way to honor RJ and what we had and the experiences we shared would be to become a better person and not try and 'fix' someone who is not ready,...hell I think that I need some 'fixing'. I never really thought of myself trying to heal the world. But looking back, maybe I am trying to compensate of something that is missing.

RJ will always be in my heart and I wish her all the happiness this world has to offer and I hope that her dreams will come true.

In life we strive to be loved, happy and needed. Nothing says that all this will happen at once.

Thanks again for being a pal : )

magik.

March 15, 2005
11:42 am
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tracylyn
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Anytime Magik....

With me I know I used to think that if I could love people enough...more than they've ever been loved, then they would never leave. Or, if I took care of them soooo much they would see how good I am and never leave. Or, if I could help them to see how much better life could be, then they would never leave.

It from that feeling of being abandoned as a child. For me, my father was there but was an alcoholic so he was emotionally unavailable. From that, a child feels they are unworthy of love....in adulthood, we carry that over and try to prove to the world that we are worth loving.

Does that make sense? Do you see a little of yourself in there?

t

March 15, 2005
12:48 pm
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magik
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tracylyn,...

Do I see myself here,....totally.

How much of your pain can I absorb to make you feel better. And if I take that pain away, will you love me?

How can I bring a smile to your face, and if I do, will you love me?

Who has wronged you and if I fix it and make it better, will you love me?

I have a NEED to help others, and this need is not a balanced one, for I need to help myself now.

I work all the time, I go out and try to please everyone else, give them things, give them my time. I listen to them and over compensate, trying to make everything better. RJ was hurting, I know that, but too she was using me to a certain extent, and I don't blame her for that. If that's how she gets by, by using people, then when the day comes that she sees that of herself, the hopefully she will get help.

I know a lot of people, but I have just a few friends.

I wish I could help everyone, take the worlds pain away, but I am only one.

You are so right, I have been doing a great deal of thinking, reflecting these past few days, and people like you and Cici, Juanita, bel, Mordrin, SweetAmanda, cuthul, kathygy, Amazed, TrueIntuition, hopyhoo, sdesigns, notsure, Bonita1, and jamaicanwife all you guys have been great.

I appreciate so much that you tell it like it is.

I thank you.

Blessed be to you all,....

and may a little magik come your way,...

magik : )

March 15, 2005
1:00 pm
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tracylyn
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You are welcome magik - it's important to tell it like we see it even if it may hurt the very one we are trying to help and support.

I was worried because it seems that a lot of the responses immediately prejudged RJ based on her lifestyle.

I wanted to make sure you could see that the events took place because of BOTH of you. Not just her because she has this label.

It's not easy to stop caretaking...it's my first instinct every time. It's like you have to become selfish, and I was always told that it's wrong to be selfish so it's going against what I know.

Eventually you can define that line of being selfish and taking care of yourself more easily.

So, when's the last time you just relaxed? Walked barefoot in the grass or sand? When do you stop being "on" and just be you?

t

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