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she thinks i'm cheating
February 19, 2007
6:11 pm
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orangeboy
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hey all. things have been rough around our house lately. my gf's stepbrother just died and her uncle has been missing for several weeks and they think maybe he's passed too. we've been having a hard time lately aside from this stuff, but especially because of this stuff. she's losing it. crying all the time, says she feels like her whole world is falling apart.

and she's getting steadily more suspicious of me. wants to look through my emails and know about my phone calls and where i've been at all times. but yet she doesn't want to spend time with me. thinks i'm too clingy. thinks i have too many female friends, but thinks i don't have enough friends but disapproves of the friends i do have, or not that she disapproves of them, she loves them and they are her friends too, but she doesn't like me spending one-on-one time with them.

last night we were, um, "being intimate" and since i couldn't find, you know, the bag that had some important items in it she got really angry and upset saying "did you take it somewhere"? i just thought geez, we haven't had sex in a long while and i just scrubbed clean the whole house over the weekend while she was gone so had to move stuff around. just 'cos i couldn't find the "goody bag" she thinks i'm cheating on her. in reality i couldn't find it 'cos we haven't needed to know where it is for a long time. anyhow, that pretty well ruined things last night and now she's upset with me again.

what should i do?

February 19, 2007
6:15 pm
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orangeboy
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the particular person in questiion she's worried about is this woman who i am friends with and who i hang out with sometimes and she talks to me about her problems with her boyfriend. i am honestly not the least bit attracted to her. but i do appreciate her friendship. do i have to stop being friends with that person? she's only one of 3 people besides my gf that i hang out with regularly. and the other 2 are a couple.

i don't usually have time to hang out with people either because i am working part time and going to school full time and doing all the cooking and cleaning and bill paying, etc around our house. plus that friend likes to go take my dog to the beach with me, which my gf doesn't like to do. i usually go by myself, but the other person has come along on occasion.

how do i deal with this situation?

February 19, 2007
6:39 pm
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orangeboy
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it's just rough 'cos in reality i'm sorta obsessive about her. i mean really. i feel like i work so hard for her. i keep the house pretty clean, we always ahve plenty of food, i usually do the laundry, i make the bed every day, i always bring her presents and surprises and treats...and i think about it all the time. i mean i feel like i go out of my way to do nice things for her. to the point where she asks me to not do so much.

i've been talking to her mom a lot lately, helping to make funeral arrangements and such. trying to be support to her and to her family because i am more removed and yet still a part of the family. yet she seems to not like the fact that i'm talking to her mom so much. it's like even after nearly 4 years of this relationship she still has a hard time letting me get too close or something.

it was so weird talking to her mom and listening to her talk about her husband. sounded so similar to the way that my gf talks about me...

February 19, 2007
7:05 pm
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orangeboy
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i need help being strong for her in this time. how do i do that?

February 19, 2007
7:10 pm
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eurogurl
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orangeboy, youre gf is a fool.
You need to chill, and enjoy your own personal life, you are doing nothing wrong, you havent betrayed her trust in you, and you have no intention to, in fact you are a committed, devoted, loving individual and she is emotionally unavailable, critical and self absorbed.
You honestly need to tell her, sensitive to her loss, that she needs to stfu, and grow up.
wow
if she doesnt want you, there are many women who would love to have such a loving, devoted, honest man.

February 21, 2007
2:54 pm
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orangeboy
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but i don't want anyone else. i want her. i have committed to her and i will stick by that commitment no matter what. it's just that that i'm having a hard time with.

February 21, 2007
2:56 pm
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orangeboy
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that sounds different from what i mean. what i mean is that i feel so distant from her and i don't know how to fix it. maybe sometimes it's just best to sit with it. let it be. give her space and not freak out and it'll get better. right?

February 21, 2007
3:14 pm
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atalose
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was her behavior like that prior to the deaths she's recently had in her life?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 21, 2007
4:25 pm
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student1
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Wow...this is kinda crazy. This is just what I am going threw but flipped. I am the girl that is treating my man badly. I have been on the site searching for reasons why I behave the way that I do. My man is a good man, works, does laundry, cooks, helps with the kids, changes diapers, all of it...and I am always picking a fight over nothing really. Sometimes, I'll want to have sex, but when he tries I shoot him down. Sometimes he will do something nice and I'll act like it's no big deal. There is something that we need, I am not sure exactly what it is, there is an emptyness that we fill with anger and suspicion, we know deep down that it is all false, but, we need to continue. My husband is the only person in the world I can inload on and he will still love me. Maybe we are manifesting our dark feeling into situations in which a person that we trust can be responsible for. I can't figure it out yet, but if you love her, try and stick buy her until she reaches out for a solution like I am.
-Hope this helps a little, it's kinda like the other side.

February 21, 2007
4:38 pm
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orangeboy
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thanks student1. a friend suggested that maybe its because of her own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, do you think that's true?

February 21, 2007
7:34 pm
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orangeboy
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atalose, yeah. but not as extreme. she was on psyche meds and is currently off them. but she always has hard stuff going on in her life.

February 22, 2007
5:54 pm
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student1
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I definitly think that is true. I feel that way. I need to unload on the one person that I truely love. I think it's because he loves me enough to deal with it. I also try and make him feel like I can live without him. But I can't, I don't want to act or behave myself the way that I do, but I do. I think to myself "I am going to walk in the room and hug him and love him and tell him how much I appreciate him" 25% of the time I do 50% of the time I decide not to and ignore him, and 25% of the time I walk in and bitch at him for what ever reason. I know it sounds bad, but for some reason we still work. I think it's because we were friends before we were together. The more I write you about my behavior, the more I see his point and want to make it better for him. I think I will cook him a nice dinner and maybe give him a message or something.

February 22, 2007
6:08 pm
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eurogurl
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student youre awareness could be a breakthrough, for both yourself and your marriage, please treat him a lot better, what if he died or left, you would have so many regrets, and you havent done any work on yourself

February 22, 2007
6:38 pm
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student1
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I know. Your right. I think about that alot. Sometimes I wonder why he puts up with me. I wouldn't. I don't know what I would ever do if he left me. Thank God he loves me and his kids so much. I think he knows why I am the way that I am, I think maybe he tries to tell me but I never wanted to hear it yet. This site has truely helped me because when I give advise I have the oppertunity to analyze myself and bring my bad behavior to light. I am going to work on it, I promise.

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