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sharing with youur therapist
January 10, 2006
11:59 pm
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cpt1212
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okay, i have recently realized that i one reason i have a hard time maintaining/establishing relationships (not just romantic)and also letting anyone get to know me is that i dont trust the sincerity of the person i am talking to. I often believe that someone is saying something to b/c it is the "thing" to do or that people are mentally rolling their eyes at me. I have spent about a year seeing my therapist and know it is time to start to discussing some tougher topics that i have been avoiding. I like her and feel as comfortable with and trust her has much as I can, but I still have that nagging message about talking to her about the things I think need to come next. I have read some things about therapy that encourage the client to discuss issues like this with the counselor, but it feels pathetic and i am embarrassed. I also feel like she will be mentally rolling her eyes saying to herself get over it, or i have other clients with real problems, or get a backbone, or she is making this up. anyone have input in this?

January 11, 2006
12:13 am
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cpt1212
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oh, wow, i meant "your" ---typos, typos, typos!

January 11, 2006
12:22 am
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Philosuffer
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Hey cpt1212,

I know exactly what you're talking about. I too feel all the time that people are insincere, and it colors all of my relationships. The, when I get involved with someone I trust too much, and I end up getting hurt and just feeling all over again like I can't trust anyone (this includes friends for me too).

I have been seeing a therapist for over a year and a half now, and I have come to trust her more and more and to actually believe now that she is sincere. I still haven't told her everything, but I have reached a point now where I feel comfortable, and where I believe she is genuinely concerned and interested.

So, I guess what I can say is that it takes time, but if your therapist is right for you then the trust will slowly develop, and once you are feeling comfortable and can be more and more open and honest, that's when the real progress can take place.

January 11, 2006
12:30 am
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cpt1212
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yes, i do feel more comfortable talking to her then i have in the past and have been discussing more. i guess you will just never really know if they are thinking what a pansy get a backbone.

insecurities are a bitch--i saw this greeting card the other day that said, "i wish i could be like 'Houston, we have a problem', but I know I'd be more like, 'Houston! Houston! Pick up! Pick up!' and come off all needy."

January 11, 2006
2:17 am
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free2choose
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Hey,

I have the same problem too! I always doubt that what people are saying to me is thier real feelings or if they are just sayin what I want to hear. It causes real problems in my relationship when my partner tries to apologize and I do not believe her because alot of time I have to fuss to get her to see that she hurt me and then when she gives in I feel like she is just doing it to get me to shut up.

Erica

January 11, 2006
11:41 am
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kathygy
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cpt,

I suggest that you talk to your therapist about your trust issues and tell her everything you have said here in terms how you imagine she would respond to you.

I'll very willing to bet that she would not roll her eyes. I imagine that she would be happy to work through this issue with you and see it as real growth.

Your feelings are not pathetic. They are very important.You have been wounded in this area but you can heal it by being totally honest with your therapist.

January 11, 2006
11:59 pm
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cpt1212
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thanks kathygy---i always appreciate your feedback (it is always pratical and you seem to have a confidence and clear understanding of boundaries, something i am working on) and often follow up to see how you respond to other's posts. I know that she wont really roll her eyes and i know that she will say the right thing, but after all that is her job šŸ™‚ I guess I will just have to tune out that very powerful message that repeats in my head and go for it (easier said than done)

January 12, 2006
7:09 am
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Sophie3012
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I don't even get that far into trusting people because I put the barriers up before I can evern begin. It's a vicious cycle for me as I do want to trust people but I think they have a hidden agenda or the people I do trust I lose trust in and never gain it back!
I am going to see a therapist for the first time soon and all I'm thinking is there is some stranger going to be there to listen to me, to what I have to say and that is the beginning of starting again for me. Well I'm hoping.

January 12, 2006
10:34 am
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kathygy
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cpt,

you could start off my telling your therapist you are afraid that she will roll her eyes if you talk about a certain thing because you have a very powerful message in your head that it would happen.

January 12, 2006
1:01 pm
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cpt1212
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kathygy, that i can do ! thanks, like i said you always have practical, appliable advice šŸ™‚

January 12, 2006
9:39 pm
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Rasputin
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This is one of the areas in my life that I really feel pissed at. I feel that people tend to tell me what I like to hear which I really hate. Being an honest person, I always tell people that I love to hear nothing but the truth. And yes Cp, I agree with you, in many cases they roll their eyes thinking that I am being a freak.

If I were you, I would be honest with my therapist and tell her candidly that you would like to hear nothing but the truth, plain and simple. It is your life, your emotions and you're paying money for this treatment, so you have every right to hear nothing but the truth.

~Ras~

January 13, 2006
10:35 am
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kathygy
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cpt,

its very important to build trust and safety with your therapist.

the more you open up and the more she makes it safe for you the easier it will become.

Your therpist needs to be very supportive of you and show a lot of value for your feelings no matter what they are.

Of course, your therapist needs to be honest with you so you can stretch and grow but it needs to be done in a way that is validating of you and concern for you. Its important to feel that she is on your side and rooting for you which I suspect she is.

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