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sharing interests
September 29, 2001
9:13 pm
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shades
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does anyone ever think you and your lover don't share enough together? Things like hobbies or interests. I would like to do something fun with my mate instead of watching tv all of the time. Any suggestions

September 29, 2001
11:19 pm
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damaged
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First you need to tell him/her how you are feeling about this. Then you guys need to talk about what you might have in common. Try spending one after noon doing something you both like doing. Good luck and let us know how it is going.

Damaged

October 1, 2001
7:44 am
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shades
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I mentioned it to him last night and he said things should happen naturally not plan an event or a day. I guess he might be right. I don't really want to go to the mall or just go to the movies i want to talk and share something we both like together..ex} like going to the gym or taking some kind of class together...i just don't know if he would do that. I always feel like i am bringing up issues about our relationship and it is starting to make me feel bad ...because he says he is doing everything he can and don't know what else to do. Maybe their is something wrong with me becasue i seem to be the only one who brings up issues and feel unconnected to him. He thinks things are going well untill i bring something up....which is happening a lot more now.

October 1, 2001
8:45 am
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damaged
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Oh sounds just like a man. I can relate I was the same way in my relationship with my last lover. I never wanted to make plains. But I did get out and do stuff with her. Please don't think there is anything wrong with you. Its not you its him. You are trying and that is good.
Do you mind me asking how long you two have been together? And do you have kids toghther?

October 1, 2001
10:06 am
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pill
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I fortunately don't have the problem of not having stuff in common. But, I suggest doing something neither one of you has ever done... bond by supporting each other on the adventure! Eventually, you'll find stuff you both like, then have something in common!

Damaged, why is that just like a man? Why don't they want to make plans? My lover won't make plans to take trips with me... and I don't understand why...

October 1, 2001
10:07 pm
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shades
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To answer your question we have been living together for 2 years and no kids thank god...I wouldn't want to put them in the middle of a relationship that isn't working all to well. I just don't understand why things are getting harder between us and not easier. I know you need to work on a relationship but when is enough an enough?

October 1, 2001
10:08 pm
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shades
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Pill that is a good idea!!!

October 2, 2001
8:37 pm
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Molly
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Enough is enough when it is. When your sick and tired of feeling the way you do, when you realize that you are putting more into something than some one else is, and honey living with some one for two years, and no ring or date, what is really going on, so many of us settle, thinking it will get better, what you see is what you get, and if it ain't what you thought was a pretty picture, then get out your crayons , and maybe suitcases. Two years is a long time, and if your jumpy now, the boing, do it, cuz it gets worse before it gets better, and you better have those common things before, and like you said, thank God there is not a child in this situation, make sure there isn't , and be careful.

October 2, 2001
9:41 pm
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shades
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Well I really don't want to get married he's 23 and I'am 22

October 2, 2001
11:05 pm
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damaged
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Pill to answer your guestion I think men don't like to make plans because in a way they are making a commitment. I am not a man but my ex-girl friend told me I act just like one. I didn't like to make plans until that day or that after noon. I guess because something else might come up that would be more fun than going to the movies or what ever it was she wanted to do. I feel I have gotten better about this.

October 3, 2001
2:31 pm
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pill
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Damaged, so it's a little like staying spontaneous? As if making plans will make things less so, and possibly boring?

Do you think that's a fear that men have - of being boring, or getting bored themselves?

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