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Shaney.....How are you?
November 19, 2005
10:06 am
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lollipop3
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Hey there Shaney girl,

If I remember correctly, this is the Mexico weekend. How are you holding up?

Love,
Lolli

November 19, 2005
12:55 pm
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Shaney
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Hi lolli - I'm good! Thanks for thinking of me :o). I had some anxiety last night and didn't sleep very well... thinking about stupid stuff. He's been doing great for months and I need to give him my confidence and trust until he screws up (hopefully he won't). Anticipating the worst isn't doing anyone any good - I should take my own advice with this... but it's hard. The guys that went this time are great guys - his buddies from work are firefighters, flight nurses and paramedics, plus his dad went - so I'm hoping this crowd will deter him from doing anything too crazy. The druggie guys are going too, but not staying with them. M loves hanging out with those guys, so I'm sure he'll find a way. Last time he was there, he called me at 2 or 3am one night and was ALL wasted. I was really disgusted and that old feeling has come back in surges a few times. Ick. He hasn't called me either, even though his friend calls his wife every night. She'll call me and give me updates.. oh thanks. So I'm a little urked about that - he usually calls me a billion times a day, so it feels a little wierd.

Other than all that, I'm GREAT! I like my time alone... I get caught up. How are you?

November 19, 2005
3:57 pm
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lollipop3
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Shaney,

I glad to hear that you're doing okay. I know how you must feel but like you said...there's no sense in driving yourself crazy unless you need to. As far as him not calling you is concerned....I'd probably be a bit miffed about that myself but as the saying goes....no news is good news. I'm also glad to hear is Dad is there. Perhaps that will help him to "behave".

I will keep my fingers crossed and hope that he doesn't let you down. In the meantime, I'm home doing homework (supposed to be at least!) so I'll check if from time to time if you need to talk.

How am I doing you ask.......actually, pretty good. I've only had 2-3 very brief conversations with b/f in nearly two weeks. I spoke to him today because I had left a message on his machine. He has owed me $150 for quite a while now and he has come up with an excuse not to give it to me every time I have asked him for it. I had decided last week to "let it go" but then yesterday....I got angry. I thought "why should I let it go....it's my money!" He makes about $2000 a week compared to my $350! I have been struggling financially lately and decided......F%$$ him.....I want my money. Anywho....I called him this morning and left a message "politely" asking him for it. He came upstairs about an hour later and begrudingly (sp?) gave it to me.....plus 50 bucks. He gave me $200 and told me to keep the change. I said "ok". Payment for pain and suffering as far as I'm concerned.

He told me that his mother was released from the hospital yesterday and also told me that he wasn't "mad" at me. I didn't respond to that. I wanted to say "MAD AT *ME* FOR WHAT....WHAT *WOULD* YOU BE MAD AT ME FOR!!!". I guess perhaps he could be mad that he tried in vain to break me, but I refused to let that happen. In that case I'm glad that he can "forgive" me for not allowing him to abuse me anymore. Are you noting the sarcasm here?????

That statement shows me that he STILL has not taken any reponsibilty for ANYTHING that has happened between us. He still sees this as my fault. Not much I can do with that.

So, that's my story. I'm doing fine.

Take care my friend,
Lolli

November 19, 2005
6:51 pm
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Shaney
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Oh, well thank goodness he's not MAD at you. We were really worried about that. Oh please - you have to wonder what the heck is swimming around in that head of his. I feel bad about his mother, though. That's hard to deal with - he seems pretty lost. Well, I'm proud of you for hanging in there - and for having the gumption to ask for the money that he owes you. You sound pretty good.

I just refinished a piece of furniture and I swear I have brain damage from those fumes. I've been cleaning like a slave for next week too. Any plans for thanksgiving? Both of my (divorced) parents are coming here from out of town, on different days. So thanksgiving instead of lasting one day, will last all weekend starting on Wednesday - yikes. It'll be great actually, no complaints, just a lot of work... but they're all worth it, of course.

Did you happen to read the "WHO'S AWAKE" thread and the "NESH, ...#2" thread? Let me know if you see what I see. I think there's a little recruiting going on. :o)

November 19, 2005
6:55 pm
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Shaney
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Also, the "Great website...." thread. Hmm.

November 19, 2005
7:18 pm
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lollipop3
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Shaney......

Oooohhhh, very intriguing, very clandestine....how very CIA. LOL

At the risk of sounding rude....the only thing I have to say is....better there than here. I honestly don't have the energy to "walk on eggshells" around here.

For Thanksgiving, I will be going to my sister's house. My family is very small, there are only 10 of us and that includes all children, inlaws, grandparents, grandchildren, neices and nephews. I'm looking forward to it. They are some of the funniest people I have ever met and I always have a great time.

The invitation to b/f was left open last week. I'm in such a weird place as far as that is concerned. On the one hand, I hate to see him alone, without any type of support on the holiday. On the other hand, everything about him bugs the shit out of me these days. I don't know if he will still want to go or not...I have a feeling he won't. Which will surely be for the best. Today I had to listen to him talk about how he is doing okay, that he is surrounded by positive, supportive people. Where? He's home alone, in the dark, every night! He's such a F%$$ING phoney. I can't even stand it!

You know makes me angry the most? We were such good friends. Why couldn't he have just left it like that. Two years ago, he actually begged me to take him back after being apart for almost 2 years. He cried. He told me how much he loved me and how he would never do ANYTHING to mess it up again. Why would he convice me of that and then do everything is his power to ruin it? I used to be so comfortable with him. I felt like I could just be myself and I could tell him anything. Now things are so awkward between us. I don't know how to act around him anymore. And judging by his stupid ass comment "thank you for your support in this matter" (concerning his mother), he doesn't know how to act around me either.

"Thank you for your support in this matter". What the f$#% is that? Am I supporting him for Mayor? I don't get it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on.

I guess I just needed to get that out.

Love,
Lolli

November 19, 2005
7:38 pm
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Shaney
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No problem - we're here to spew about anything and everything. I get your irritation for sure. A solution seems so easy, but not for him...sometimes they never get it. It's a mystery.

I spent a few holidays with my ex for whatever reason, after we broke up. I felt bad for him, my family thought he was fun, I wasn't with anyone at the time and it was nice to be with him I guess. It was kind of a transitional thing we went through. It's hard - sometimes it takes that sort of gray area to get through it all. We all do it differently - it's fine.

I think my family is even smaller than yours! I think there is 7. Now that I'm getting married, my bf's sister has all of us at her house so there are about 20 now. This is the first year it will be like that - kind of neat I think. I'm looking forward to it.

Funny threads, huh? Very covert. It's best, like you said.

I'll be home all night... recovering from my toxic fume inhailation (sp)if you need to talk. :o)

November 19, 2005
8:02 pm
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on my way
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Hi Shaney!

Are you familiar with crackling? I bought some to re-do an old table that i have, but it turned out horrible!! Also, any other hints you can lend would be appreciated! thanks!

November 19, 2005
8:19 pm
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Shaney
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Hi OMW! Yes, I am! I actually do some contract designs for Delta, the paint and craft co. - I've done crackling on scrapbook pages too. It's a really cool technique. Don't feel bad... it took me many many attempts before I got something that I liked. Just practice. Today I just stained a little table really dark, and sanded all of the edges raw. I need to still add some protective coating but, it looks pretty cute. I added a crystal knob.

I like the look after beating the wood up a bit, or denting the wood with chains. Then paint it a taupe color, let dry, sand all edges, wipe with a stain, then wipe stain away while still wet. The stain gets in the cracks and colors the raw edges. it looks antiquy. I like that look. Remember to add some sort of protective coating.

Wow... big saturday night for all of us... talking about finishing furniture. Ha!

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