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Shakey Knees
April 5, 2010
4:47 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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I just got out of an eight year relationship with an emotionally abusive man. I left my own place, i mean the place i rented and he moved into. I left everything. I reached a point of total surrender. I just wanted out. I thought i was alone or he had me convinced of that. Even though, i found the strength(thru God). After leaving (with nothing) i had friends and family coming out of the woodwork. God provided me with more than i needed. I've been gone a month and now i'm having second thoughts. How can this be? This man never missed an opportunity to criticize or belittle me especially in front of other people. I was always the butt of his jokes, and he had a lot of jokes! He was "the life of the party". I guess that's what attracted me to him. After all this I feel scared and shakey now. Am i crazy like he always said?

April 5, 2010
5:07 pm
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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No. You are not crazy. Classic abusers always victimize their "targets" with labels like "crazy," "overreacting," "exagerating" or just plain "lying." Why? They are projecting their own issues onto you, the victim. They refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions and behaviors.

Having second thoughts after a month is very normal. The outrage, horror and emotional shock that carried you through the initial decision to escape from his abuse and actually LEAVE has begun to ease. And that's to be expected. You are no longer living on "high alert." You are free from your abuser.

Now, you are doubting your decision to leave. So many of us have been in the same place and felt the same doubts hitting us, a month or so after our "escapes."

This will help: WRITE DOWN EVERY SINGLE HURTFUL, CRUEL, SHAMING, DISHONEST, DISLOYAL THING HE EVER SAID OR DID TO YOU. Post it here, if you like. But get it down in black & white. Read it out loud. Now...what advice would you give your best girlfriend, if she were living with a Monster like that who was slowly eroding her mental and emotional well-being with his abuse?

Now, take that advice. Be grateful that you are no longer under his control and subject to his insanity and mistreatment. Your instincts were RIGHT. He is not going to change. You are NOT exagerating what he did. He did it, all right. And no one should ever remain in such a toxic, downgrading situation.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

- Ma Strong

April 5, 2010
10:51 pm
Forum Posts: 408
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Listen to ma strong's advice. She has been down the road and can really be a help.

For me, being in love with a toxic man is like being a heroine addict. Even though I know he is poison to me I have weak moments where i think I miss him.

I then read the things I wrote down about what he did to me and am reminded that he was mean, cruel and did not love or care about me. Coming here and getting your feelings out can be a big help . Keep reading and keep posting.


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