Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Sexual Abuse question, please help
October 8, 2008
12:02 pm
Avatar
jon668
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have been dating this younger guy. He's in his mid 20s I am in my mid 30s. He is very 'weird' about sex. When I try to speak to him about the 'weirdness' he gets very angry or shuts down. He is very effectionate but when it comes to anything more than kissing...I feel there is just something not right. I want to know if there are signs I should look for or how would I know without asking him point blank...he obviously doesn't want to tell me. BTW, he told me he was falling in love with me but then 30 minutes later, when I brought our sex life, he broke up with me and stormed out. I am confused!!!|??? Does anyone have any suggestions?

October 8, 2008
1:51 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jon668, Depending on the weirdness, It's possible he was sexually abused or he is gay and just hasn't come to terms with it yet. Just guessing here. Anyway, you have to decide if this is okay with you because you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to. It might mean that you have to leave the relationship. It seems that either he understand or care about your sexual needs. Keep posting.

October 8, 2008
2:12 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HOW long have you both been dating??

October 8, 2008
2:31 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

PERHAPS AGE DIFFERENCE MAKES HIM FEEL MORE LIKE MOM/SON RELATIONSHIP AND IT CONFUSES HIM?? EVER TOUCH ON THE SUBJECT?

October 11, 2008
10:55 am
Avatar
jon668
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, I have know him for about 2 years. We interacted randomly until he asked me for a relationship 4 months ago. I tried to speak with him the other night and he stated that he would not explain himself. H just decided that he did not want a boyfriend....only 2 hours before he said that he was falling in love with me and wanted to move in. I specifically questioned the sex and he got upset again. He says he loves me and wants me in his life but now I am completely shut out. As for being 'out'; he has been out for a while and actually has been very sexually active,,no judgement. Which is why I am astonsihed. He also has become very selfish in the last couple of weeks and has begun to act 'odd' in general. My housemate even noticed, to the point that, he asked me to get him out of the house becausde he, my housemate, feels that the BF is a liar and 'user'.
I am conflicted.

October 11, 2008
12:42 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh heck. I think I just "got it." Jon...are you a homosexual? I was reading this from the perspective of you being an older woman, dating a guy in his twenties. If you are a man, that might explain his behavior when it comes down to the "nitty gritty."

- Ma Strong

October 11, 2008
2:22 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi jon

The signs you should look for are the ones you've already seen.

He's a sexual abuse or rape survivor who has not sought help, and there is nothing you can do about that.

Intimacy is terrifying to survivors. Communicating about sex, what pleases you and doesn't, past experiences, hopeful future experiences, fantasies, that kind of thing, is not something this partner will be able to do.

Consequently, you've got nothing to lose by saying the following:

"baby, i gotta ask you a question and I need a yes or no answer. Have you ever been sexually abused or raped?"

It's a fair question jon.

free

October 12, 2008
9:43 am
Avatar
jon668
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

|I apologize to everyone. Yes, I am a gay man. I have been so wrapped up in this situation that I didn't think to fully express myself.
I spoke to him yesterday. He says that he loves me and wants me. On some level he is now backtracking.
We spoke about what we both want in a relationship. I did bring up the sex issue but he stated, kindly, that we would discuss this face to face.
I have decided to ask him point blank. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Plus, I do not like wondering and such.
Thanks for the input.I am suppose to speak with him later today.So, I shall update after.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information