Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Sexual Abuse, Addiction, and Deviancy
August 4, 2000
10:47 pm
Avatar
mrosen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The Sexual Abuse Treatment, Research, Resource, and Referral Site, is open to all, with a tremendous amount of resources available (link below). The site has an extensive amount of information on sexual abuse, paraphilias, theories, specialized therapists, literature, assessment, support, news,research, and more. Moreover, the site now offers online clinical consultation and supervision (see the introductary special).

For much more information, please click the hyperlinks below, or visit the Sexual Abuse Treatment, Research, Resource, and Referral by completing the address provided.

Sexual Abuse Treatment, Research, Resource, and Referral
http://www.angelfire.com/mi/co.....index.html
"Understanding, Assessing, & Treating Sexual Offenders: Tools for the Therapist"
http://www.angelfire.com/mi/co...../book.html

August 5, 2000
6:22 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Site Coordinator.
Does this thread and the previous posting meet with the guidelines on blatant advertising of another site?

August 21, 2000
10:58 pm
Avatar
mazi
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

After 7 years divorced. I entered into a wonderful loving relationship......relocated......married. Then my husband (daughters step-dad) molested her. Fondled breasts and labia (no penetration) My girl is 12. My husband is shameful, guiltridden and distraut asking for counseling help. Due to his employment.......not an option at this time. I have gotten counseling for my girl. I am trying to give support to this man I love. I am being told everywhere I turn that my marriage must end.......that he is likely to re-offend this one time incident. That my daughter would be taken from me should he ever re-enter the home. I would like to know does anyone have any knowledge of the child molestation issue? Any information about one time incidents and re-ofending? etc.?

August 22, 2000
7:30 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I only know of repeat offenders. It is a tough issue, theraputically, a very confusing damaging situation. I agree with the other advice that you have obtained. Think of how confusing it will be for your daughter with this man in the house. He violated your daughter, woman. How will you ever trust her well being with him around? How can she have friends over with out worry, her life will not be normal for a long time. yea some say the right things, but most don't understand the" crime" as it happened to them, and it felt good. Its a tough road to rehab, if rehab is possible. I think some counseling would be in order for you too. Don't forget, unless you did not report him to the police, and perhaps your not even in California, but all sexual offenders must register, and the data is public, it is mandatory that the information be given out to all renters in the area to ascertain if it is a safe neighborhood, or even vigilantes who like to know where the offenders live. This may be something that you did not know, and you will be connected to this data, should you choose to stand by your man. Pray for God's guidance you will have a lot of work ahead of you, I hope you can support your daughter fully in her recovery.

August 24, 2000
12:03 pm
Avatar
summer67
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mazi,I know exactly what you are feeling.I also stayed with the man who sexually abused my dauther.I thought that because he only touched her breast and was also on drugs that I could forgive him and stay with him.I belived that the drugs made him do it.As a result of what I belived at the time,I lost custody of two beautiful daughters.The abuser always seems to be remorseful,but when it comes down to it are they?I believe the best thing you can do is seek counseling.It is hard to live with the abuser,you can never trust them again.I have a 7year old with my husband,and I always fear for her.I have been told that since she is his daughter rather then stepdaughter that he might not touch her. I really don`t know.That is why as soon as I can get out of this relationship I will.It Isn`t worth hanging on to.

August 25, 2000
10:02 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The impulse to do deviant sexual acts comes from a normal sexual attitude that was twisted and damaged during a critical developmental period.

Statistically, men are far and away the most common perpetrators of physical sexual abuse. And statitically it's very common for sexual deviants to repeatedly engage in undesireable behavior. This is because the deviancy has grown up with them and has taken the place of normal sexual desire.

Some sexual deviants seek out romantic relationships with young-looking women to fulfill their desire. Others use pornography and still others engage in the act. After a first offense, future undesireable acts are easier.

Don't bring this man around your daughter, for the sake of her own development. I was molested when I was little, raped when I was 12 and 19. The thought that you would do that makes me so very very ill. This is partly why I am seeking my degree in psychology and counseling.

Showing remorse is different from feeling remorse. He hasn't been punished enough for his actions.

From a psychological perspective, child molesters often feel compulsions to engage in their deviant activities. A compulsion is not just an urge to do something, it is an obsessive urge that focuses all your energy. Serial killers and people with OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder) also feel the same compulsions that are so strong they become a life-focus.

August 29, 2000
10:51 am
Avatar
summer67
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Concerning the particular situation that I myself am in ,can I please have anyones comment to the question that I keep asking myself.What are the chances that the man who sexually assulted his stepdaughter would do the same to his own biological daughter, and does heavey drug use contribute to this sick crime?

August 29, 2000
12:48 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What the heck difference do statistics make if you are in fear ? Trust your instincts woman, and what the heck would you be thinking if the guy was doing doing heavy drugs around your daughter? Get the hell out of there, there are shelters. Sexual abuse no matter what age it happens to the child has a life long effect, and usually the symptoms do not show up for years, is that a risk worth taking? The drug use around the kids is just not acceptable PERIOD. If you are staying with a drug using man, where you fear the possibility of sexual abuse, it sounds to me like you could use some support for clarity, has he abused you perhaps to the point where you can't see clearly, are you depressed, do you need help?

August 29, 2000
12:57 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

summer67,

The chances are good that he will repeat this offense if he doesn't get heavy psychological counseling. As I psoted above, the deviancy that causes men to engage in these acts has often grown up with them, and stems from abrnomal parenting adn traumatic events in their childhood. These impulses and ingrained into their psyche and intertwined with normal sexual impulses.

Also, drug abuse is a differnt problem altogether. Depending on the drug he is abusing, it can lower his inhibitions but drug abuse itself indicates a deeper problem having to do with the inability to cope with reality and the desire to escape.

Sex offenders are often repeat offenders, statistically.

August 30, 2000
10:45 am
Avatar
summer67
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cici Thanks for your input.Let me give you a little history on my husband,and maybe you can use some of your knowledge of psychology to help determine what he is capable of.First he comes from a very wealthy and respected family,but the problem always seemed to be that the family cared more about thier success than nurturing thier children.My husband was usually left with his older brother(who is ten years older)while the parents constantly worked.His older brother started giving him drugs when he was 14,he introduced him to meth,cocain,pot,and to my knowledge he continued to use until 1997 when he sexually assuated my daughter,by that time he was smoking a ounce of meth a day.I had know knowledge that he was doing any kind of drug,he hid it very very well.I had battled his addictions for years.I even worked with the drug task force thinking that would help get him off,ever since I had him arrested for the sexcrime against my daughter,he hasn`t touched another illegal drug.I don`t think he ever will.Regardless,the relationship is not,and will never be the same.We have been married for 10 years and have the one daughter.I guess you could also say I am codependant.I dropped out of college first year to be a full time stay at home mother,I have no skills,33years old,no support financially from my family.My daughter and I myself are use to nice things,and being catered to by my husband.I`m not a unattractive women and he knows he can`t do any better,but I really belive he desires younger women ,(18-25).He operates a restruant that his dad owns,and he seems so happygolucky around the younger females that he works with.I know that when he was younger that he used to have sex,with half of the girls that he worked with.I really think he might go back to doing that,before he touched his own daughter.I never leave her alone with him to give him the chance.I know I try to fulfill him sexually,thinking that might help ,but his sexual appetite is unreal,he would love it if I would agree to a threesome.Forget that,there is know way.Is that not every mans fantasy????I hope I haven`t told to much,but I have moved to a town where I know no one and have no one to talk to.I tryed talking to counselers,and they just suggest that I use him,until I can go to school and find a job.

August 30, 2000
1:53 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whew! This is a tough situation. There's a lot of stuff going on here.

Men are socialized not only to hide their childhood trauams (many female perps of molestation are never discovered because boys think that the behavior is normal, even if they have a bad reaction to that twisted intimacy), but also to cope with life stressors in one way: AVOIDANCE. This can be through drug abuse, or it can be as innocuous in appearance as a man who works a lot or is devoted to his parents and siblings. But whatever the method, it is still psychologically unhealthy. I hate to layout these gender lines, but the sad truth is that men and women are socialized differently. Their experience with the world is entirely different, from the moment of conception.

So something to consider is that your husband may not have fully disclosed his past to you. If he were traumatized, he would hide it as well as he hid his drug abuse. And really, there isn't a way to make him discuss it, so let that lie.

Mainly, I think that you should work on yourself for two reasons:

1. You can't change other people, only yourself.
2. You have the capability to be a fully independent woman who cherishes herself.

Regardless of what psychiatrists and psychologists may say, opinions will vary from person to person as to what you need to do. It is hard to find a counselor who can truely help you because there aren't any board standards for practicing counselors, no national board certification examinations. What you hear will vary greatly from counselor to counselor depending on their personal philosophy and school of thought. Keep looking until you find someone you truely "click" with, who is empathetic adn knowledgeable and who approaches problems in a manner that is comfortable for you.

August 1, 2006
4:34 pm
Avatar
isavegas
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Trust your instincts please. My own mother left me with the abuser when she discovered it.

Often I wish she stepped in and took me away from him even though she was always angry at me and hard to live with.

I hope you come up with a solution quick. In the meantime, I'm sorry that you and your child are going though this.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
52 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 110882

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38534

Posts: 714189

Newest Members:

SpencerJeole, Danielnit, matyushaDazy, mashuraDazy, nancykr16, kimzn11

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer