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Sex
July 28, 2000
9:17 am
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Castle
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Have any ladies here ever had this problem?
I don't know what to do.

I've always loved being intimate with my boyfriend. We love each other very much and we don't really have any big fights. But lately, I just haven't been in the mood to be intimate with him. We just graduated from college and have jobs but they're not stressful so I can't even attribute it to that.

My feelings for him haven't changed one bit. I'm only 23....I thought sex drives were supposed to go down after you've been married for 25 years! Anyway, if he knew, he would take it personally and it would break his heart. Is this temporary? Has this happened to anyone else here?

Thanks for any insight. Hugs to ya.

July 28, 2000
10:05 am
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Cici
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This happens to me periodically because I was molested as a child and raped as a teenager. I've seen a therapist about it, but since healing is a process, I'm still not completely over it. I think most women who've been sexually assaulted in some way have this problem. Some have it to the point where it's difficult to even be intimate. Others only have episodes, like me.

Also, any major life changes can be stressful. Change a routine, change a lifestyle.

July 29, 2000
2:00 am
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buzz
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Have hime give you more head. That'll do the trick.

July 29, 2000
2:29 am
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dimet
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This happens to me a lot. I want so bad to have the best sex in the world with the person I truly love. I know I hurt him, but I can't figure out how to fix it. I can't totally remeber everything that happened but I freakout when we try to get intimate. I'm 23 also-- too young not to be able to enjoy the gift of love with your own husband!!

July 29, 2000
1:56 pm
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Castle
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Thanks for your replies.

I just wish I could find the passion I had not too long ago. I could understand if we were having problems but we aren't so it's driving me crazy!! Why can't I get in the mood? I just hope the attraction to him isn't slowly dwindling. I don't think that's the case.
I just don't understand why my drive is low.

July 29, 2000
2:24 pm
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dimet
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I've seen things on TV.(ex.Oprah) about women having low sex drives. Or whatever. Has something to do with the body, or hormones or something.

July 31, 2000
2:05 am
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smiley
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I believe if you can convince your mind of something than you can solve it. It took a crisis for me. First I had to acknowledge that it was a problem for me. I didn't like that our sex life wasn't good. I knew what ever he tried only worked when I was in the mood. I had to learn to teach myself to get in the mood. I tried many times it seemed the harder I tried the more diappointed I became. Then things came to a crisis in our life. My marriage was hanging on by a thread . And I knew my rejections to his advances hurt him deeply and put our marriage in jeopordy. It made me actually fight to find a way. I read a lot on it. Then I read a article that seemed to work for me. It said do it even if it doesn't seem that thrilling. Do it as often as you can , try to do it every night for two weeks. you really have to believe in yourself that this will work. and it will! after 2 to 3 weeks, your body is used to it like a habit and then you can actually relax and begin to enjoy it totally. I don't need much coaxing now, in fact I'm usually the agressor. maybe here lies the secret. When we feel we are in controll of our own bodies we seem to enjoy things. I think a little healthy fear about losing my husband over this really did give me the incentive. Remember the main thing is to convince yourself, when you believe in something you just natually find a way. also keep telling yourself positive thoughts even if they are only fantasy . You can "look" any way you want in your mind. Pick out one of your attractive features and keep telling yourself about it over and over embellish it if you have to. the mind is really the key.

July 31, 2000
6:14 pm
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Smiley.

Yes, yes, yes!!!

August 4, 2000
9:41 am
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silentfox5
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well i have a problem of a different sort, b/f has very high sex drive, is bisexual, and whenever he wants to be with man and can't he starts getting headaches and wants nothing to do with me. this poses a problem because i also have a very high sex drive. then he comes along and says he wants variety, this to me is saying you want to be free, he says he just wants more sex from different people. when i said enough is enough, our sex life went from really intimate and satisfying to nothing, and now it is a few minutes here and there. knowing that i started looking at my own behavior and realized that co-dependent i am and will stay that way until i do something about it. i was sexually abused as a child, and although they caught the man who did it, the scars are still there. i feel it has something to do with why i have stayed with this man so long, even though it was good at first.

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