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Sex-Starving!
July 21, 2005
11:41 am
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Worried_Dad
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Amigina

Any guy who is attracted to you will be attracted also to your beauty--there's no getting around that. And any guy who is attracted to you will be attracted to the idea of sex with you. no getting around that. Are you attracted to ugly men with beautiful souls?

As for do they like you for the "real you," it can take a couple of years of intimate relationship before the "fantasy bond" wears off--it actually takes quite a while to get to know a person very well.

July 21, 2005
2:17 pm
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Anonymous
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My point with the age is just that it is going to happen no matter what else is going on. You said you spent the best years of your life with her and the tone I got was that that was somehow wasted time. Maybe it was wasted time but probably it wasn't. Doesn't make any difference though, you were going to spend the time anyway. If it was something like "I invested the best years of my life and now you owe me for the poor years to come," then that is something of a co-dependency issue, don't you think??

Unavailable in recovery...I think that is absolutely true but I hadn't considered the import you impose, sd. I think we go to recovery to recover and it is waay easy to get things there confused with romantic intimacy and then no recovery happens and folks early on in recovery have little capacity to provide for the wants and needs of others without ego and self coming in.

5 to 10 meetings a week after 18 years of sobriety is not, in my opinion, recovery. That sounds like obsession. I go to 5 meetings a week after 24 years of sobriety and I think my practice is a tad obsessive.

Be well, my friends.

July 21, 2005
10:53 pm
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upsidedown
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Dad.................

When I say "the best years" I mean they were the most wonderful, loving, happy years of my life.

But she has left me for another man!
Upsidedown

July 23, 2005
6:17 pm
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clayrains
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I'll agree that sex outside of marriage is sin. But there's something I don't understand about people's morals...

If you have any kind of sexual contact with a person, without a relationship, it's considered wrong by most people. Yet, if two people date for months or years and have sex, it's considered okay?

Both are fornication and, in my opinion, one is not a bit better than the other. If anything, the person that has a fling (provided it's safe and not with someone's spouse, no lying involved) every once in a great while without any relationships or emotional attachments avoids getting themselves ensnared in some really complicated situations, like marrying the wrong person, staying with the wrong person etc.

Another thing while we're at it. Why do people seem to think a boyfriend or girlfriend is such a sacred thing?
I ask because I've mentioned being interested in girls before, a couple of times they've had boyfriends, and people react as if I'm hitting on a married woman or being a homewrecker, breaking up a marriage.

I would never approach a married woman but just "dating someone" means nothing essentially. Having a boyfriend means nothing. That's why they're called boyfriends.

Just had to get that off my chest.

July 23, 2005
6:36 pm
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clayrains
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"You can say that I'm a good religious girl with a dirty mind."

I can say that from a guy's perspective that this is a real turn-on.

July 24, 2005
11:30 am
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dgroovy1
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I have entered my 30's and man, what they say about a woman in her 30's is very accurate, I am so wanting sex all of the time.
When I was younger, I was promiscuous,but didn't really want/enjoy sex.
Now I am married and horny and only get sex about 1x a month.
How's that for irony?
I would say keep batteries handy and invest in a good detachable shower head (fantastic!).
Hope I didn't embarrass anyone.
dgroovy1

July 24, 2005
7:25 pm
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Amigina
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Clayrain, interesting when you said that it's a turn-on for a guy to see a religion girl with a dirty mind. As for people having sex outside marriage - there are reasons beind this. It could be they're not ready for another committment, fear of emotional pain, and more.

Funny thing is it's true that men think about sex when he see the beautiful lady. I've noticed that men "strolled" their eyes up and down on my body, smiling. I can't help it, but to me it's kinda of silly and immature. I have to admit that I like to look myself best and wear nice outfit as it boost my self-esteem. What I don't like is women who see their men looks at me are often jealous of me and I hate it. Oh well....

July 26, 2005
12:13 am
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clayrains
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That's kind of what I meant. A lot of guys respect and are extremely attracted to women that have high standards and morals and don't have sex outside of marriage. And, most of those men, at the same time find it even more attractive that the woman is not holding out simply because she's a prude and that she'll be a "wild woman" to any guy that does the right thing and marries her. That's all I meant to say.

I think I agree with you on the ogling subject too. I don't think a man admiring a woman or visa versa is silly or immature necessarily. Sure, it may be immature if not done tactfully. But I'll there are plenty of mature 90-year-old men, and women too, that do it. I think a lot of "Christians" go just a little overboard on subjects like this and make up rules-of- conduct that are located nowhere in the Bible.

February 27, 2006
6:21 am
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tav1224
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a

February 27, 2006
2:47 pm
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peacefulandfree
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Do you feel like its out of control? Does sex consume your thoughts? I know for me when I wasnt in a relationship I longed for companionship. For someone to share my thoughts and dreams with. But maybe you could utilize your time by reading a good book. Doing some volunteer work. Or picking up the phone to call an old friend. I know when I get caught up in worry I try to get out of myself not isolate. Hope this helps.

February 27, 2006
2:53 pm
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kathygy
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tav,

are you a male or a female? How old?

if you are a young male and sex starved that might be natural but otherwise it maybe symptomatic of some type of escape or avoidance.

I suppose it could also be hormone driven.

working through a self-help book always helps me keep the focus on me and keeps me connected to myself.

are you confusing love with sex?

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