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sex, moodiness, break-ups
July 3, 2007
8:25 am
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helpplease
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Hi all, I guess I have three things on my mind today.
1. Why do I want to have sex all the time?
2. Why do I have a hard time breaking up with people?
3. I was horrible to someone at work today. I apologized later but it would have been better to just not be horrible. This particular person makes me crazy but I know I shouldn't be horrible.

I guess that's a lot to have to comment on. But about the sex, is wanting sex every day too much? I feel sometimes that my expectations of the frequency of sex I should be having or that I want are typically way off the charts with other peoples'. This creates a problem.

July 3, 2007
9:37 am
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Matteo
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Hi helpplease. Are you in a relationship? My guess is that those who have higher libido want sex more often than others. However, I realized that while being in a relationship where my emotional/intellectual/spiritual needs were not met, I wanted sex more often - I guess to recompensate? I guess the aim is intimacy with another person, to feel loved and nurtured - and you can achieve it through lovemaking or intimate conversation and lovemaking, so if one is lacking... I know a guy who sticks with his unhappy marriage and tells me that he masturbates 1-3 times per day. I doubt that he would need that much sexual activity if his marriage was happy and his wife would love him. I don't know if that may apply to you.

Why are you having difficulty breaking up - there can be tonnes of reasons as well, you didn't say much about your situation to draw any conclusion.

How horrible were you to your co-worker?

July 3, 2007
9:53 am
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risingfromtheashes
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help -

I agree with matteo - sometimes, if we are insecure or lacking something in our relationship - we try to seek validation thru sex...thinking "if we have sex every day, he must want me".

Well, many therapists have told me, "sex is not love and love is not sex". Hell, even my mom told me that one.

Yet, I have been guilty of using sex to try and win love. Or use sex to keep him around "one" more day longer.

You may just have a high libido. Some people do. I know I do. But instead of wanting to make love, many times my needs can be met with a quickie or masturbation (sorry for TMI)...but that's how I know it's more physical than emotional...I can get my physical needs met and be happy...without needing the emotional stuff that goes with it.

YES, I still love to make love to my partner...and my quickies and masturbating does not take away from how I feel about him. It's just a release I need...a physical one only.

As far as treating someone "nice" when you are upset with them...perhaps you are not being assertive enough, and you get frustrated, and like a cork on a bottle, you blow after you have had enough. Perhaps you need to work on being assertive as things happen, so the frustration doesn't get built up and you speak out of turn. Or learn to think before you speak - take a deep breath and think if you really have to say what you WANT to say...or if it's best to "play nice". Sometimes it's better to speak your mind...other times, in the workplace especially...you have to be the bigger person. Some may argue this one...but I think there is a time and place for speaking up...other times, it's best just to figure out what exactly bothers you about the person and see if there is a way to learn to "get along".

July 3, 2007
10:38 am
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glittered when he walked
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1. Maybe you want sex frequently because you have a high sex drive...or maybe you are compensating for a desire of more intimacy. Only you know really..either way there's nothing wrong with it. Wanting it once a day doesn't seem excessive to me at all.

2. you find me someone who has an easy time braking up with people and I'll show you a sociopath. Breaking up is emotional, as it should be.

3. You apologized to him/her, now forgive yourself and be well. : )

July 4, 2007
8:45 am
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helpplease
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Hi everyone, thank you for your great comments. I think you are so right. I want sex because I want to feel loved. Well, I love sex anyhow. The thing is though that I really do feel upset when he and I don't get it on, if he doesn't seem to want it. I think that's where the unhealthy part lies, perhaps. But I think it's a need for intimacy too. If I don't feel close, I definitely want it more.

We almost broke up this week, then we made up, had sex, and we're back together. I guess it also helps to hear from you guys that it's kind of a sociopath thing to not feel upset about a breakup.

You all are very smart on here. I really got the best comments from you and I feel immensely better about things, just knowing a little more about the reasons I feel the way I do. Thank you all very much. If I knew who you all were, I'd definitely have you over for a BBQ today.

Kisses,
HP

July 4, 2007
5:35 pm
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Honolulugal
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"If I knew who you all were, I'd definitely have you over for a BBQ today."

What a deeelightful comment to make! Happy 4th!

H-gal

July 7, 2007
2:40 pm
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eurogurl
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September 24, 2010
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many women have little or no sexual desire, and get pent up and frustrated, and bitter, so count yourself lucky. Wanting sex is HEALTHY, do not feel bad about wanting sex with your loved one. I want it every day, with my loved one, because it is wonderful, expresses my love for him, me and releases tension and keeps me sexual.
Sexuality is high, when we are high on life.
Just enjoy.
Blowing up on others, so what, why condemn yourself, we all do it. Your obviously stressed, handle your stress by thinking positively about yourself , your relationships, you obviously have some guilt and shame going on..
let it go girl

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