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Serious Setback (Robbie)
December 24, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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yes
ive been back on my meds since for a week now. wish they would
hurry up and kick in. i dont think i need to be hospitalized. i see
the psychiatrist jan 4th.

i truly seem to be
taking things moment to moment. im scared a lot.

thank you for the
support and comfort.i need to stay connected.isolation is the
worst. hurts.

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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im so
sad

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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good
morning dear Robbie. I have not been able ot get moving this
morning and I was feeling guilty. I am here for a while if you need
to chat.

Bitsy

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Depression is only a shade away from self-pity and
self-absorption. In your case there is a huge, chemical battle
raging in your brain which doesn't help. However, there are certain
things you can do to raise your serontonin levels: exercise (take
that brisk walk with your doggie); get up and MOVE (even if it only
involves laundry or cleaning out a messy closet); be as active
(physically) as possible and avoid "downer" foods that are loaded
with sugar. Sugar will drop your blood levels, shortly after eating
them which makes your depression/lethargy much more
intense.

My best
suggestion? Bake some cookies or brownies or a cake for someone you
know who is all alone and could use some attention and
encouargement. Reaching out to others always helps.

- Ma

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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Hi
robbie. I read your posts - I'm sorry I wasn't here when you
needed. I usually don't get on here everyday due to time. I'm
really sorry.

How are you
today?

andii

December 26, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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((((Robbie))))

You have
successfully survived another day, another moment, before you know
it you will be back on track with your meds and
chemistry.

Keep just getting
through this moment to the next.

Here is an amazing
youtube video about these beautiful sand mandalas from Tibet. I am
amazed at how these people create them so detailed with colored
sand. Simply amazing. I thought of how long it must take to get
each grain of sand into its rightful place and then thought of you
and how your brain is working so hard to get its chemistry balanced
one molecule at a time, and once it has taken its time to do that
it will be beautiful.

Keep getting
through, one moment at a time.

Sending you lots
of love and comfort and spidersilk blankets to ease your
pain.

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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thank
you.

i am just stuck
right now and hurting so bad. i really want my counselors help. i
need help beyond the medication.

i know there isnt
much anyone here can do for me. i just needed to stay conneccted
with people. im so isolated.

im hurting from
the sex abuse.it has crushed me. i dont know what else to say.i
dont know how to get over it.

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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So...end the self-imposed isolation. Take a long walk with your
doggie and greet someone who looks lonely. Or go to the store and
strike up a conversation with someone elderly AND
lonely.

Reach out to
others, instead of expecting them to reach out to you.

As far as the
sexual abuse...you have finally faced it. You have broken the
silence and SPOKEN about it. That is the first step in recovery.
TELLING. And I promise you that you WILL get over it. It takes
time. A wounded soul CAN and WILL heal. Be patient and make
positive statements about your recovery, instead of yielding to the
panic-stricken, helpless little girl who USED to be YOU.

- Ma
Strong

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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You
are nearly at the 13 day mark of resuming your meds. They should be
kicking in shortly.

- Ma

December 27, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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thinking about you Robie and hoping today's a better day for
you.

andii

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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Good
Morning Robbie,

big hugs and lots
of positive thoughts for you.

How are things
going?

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Robbie, you asked a couple of days ago how to deal with the sex
abuse and get over it. I wanted to take a little while to collect
my thoughts.

You don't get over
the sexual abuse. You never get over it. You face it head on and
you learn to deal with it.

Honey, I don't
know what happened to you. I suspect from the things you have said
that it might have been your father. I don't know. For a father to
sexually abuse his child is beyond my scope of imagination. I
cannot imagine a parent of all people doing that to a child. Nearly
always though it is someone we really trust who molests us. Very
rarely is it the stranger cruising the streets for a stray child to
molest...those are just the ones that make the news on a regular
basis.

My abuser was my
"uncle" whom I later found out was my half-brother.

Robbie, you have
shared your councelling sessions and your journey here so there are
many of us who have seen the progress you have made. I have thought
your therapist was doing a good job with you. You have made leaps
and bounds working with her. I have no choice but to continue
thinking she knows what she is going. YOU, Robbie, stopped the
process when you stopped taking your medication. YOU, are the one
controlling your progress. NO ONE else. Robbie, I have always tried
to be gentle and easy with you because you are so gentle and
wounded but I find I must be rather firm with you here. You cannot
continue to blame your therapist for not seeing you during this
time. She is giving you the opportunity to take charge of your
life. YOU can continue to take the meds and then YOU can go back to
see her and continue to work on getting better. ONLY YOU have this
power in your life. Nothing Ma, or Chelonia, or China, or me, or
anyone else says to you can do anything to help you. We can
encourage you. We can support you....but like Dorothy in the Wizard
of Oz, the power is within you. You are made of much stronger
character than you know or you wouldn't have made it this
far.

Take some of the
suggestions that people have given you. Take the dog for a walk. Go
to a coffee shop and get a cup of coffee and sit down and read a
magazine or book. Ramble a bookstore. Take a bubble bath. Buy
yourself a nice candle and smell it. One of my personal favorites
is rather expensive for what you get but is is the Tripp Frazier
Fir scented candle. It smells up my whole house and smells like a
Christmas tree ought to. Do some self care Robbie. I don't know if
you like manicures and pedicures but that is my one indulgence and
luxury---I love a pedicure, but if I can't afford the whole shebang
I just get a plain manicure..no polish, just have them trim my
nails and so my cuticles, etc but someone is holding my hand and
touching me and they massage up your arms. There was a time in my
life that I burst into tears getting a manicure because I missed
another human beings touch so much. These are only things that work
for me, you will find your own.

There are many of
us in your corner Robbie, cheering you on. Now, click your heals
Dorothy and find the power.

Bitsy

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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ah
yes, manicure and pedicures are to die for. As is a massage. It's
strange going at first becuase you go alone, but then I realized
everybody goes alone doh! I just might go get my nils done today.
If not today, then tomorrow.

How goes it
Robbie?

hugs

andii

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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today
i got out of the house.

my new co worker
called me and we got together and hung curtains at work.

then we went to
petco and i got my dog a new collar.

we went to the
mall and looked in some stores and had lunch.

it was good to get
out.

no work this week.
tomorrow i am going to my sisters house. she got me a beautiful
mandala book and she is going to bring me to the store where she
got it. we will stop for a cup of coffee on the way.

im still taking my
meds. i think they are starting to kick in a little.

i need to ask the
psychiatrist about an anti anxiety med that wont make me
sleepy.

my tv service is
out im going to go watch a movie (ET).

thank you all for
your continued support. i really appreciate it.

love
robbie

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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bitsy
...yes it was my father. it happened when i was 5 to 9 years old
and my mother knew what happened. she did nothing to protect me.
what happened crushed my spirit. she let it happen.

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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robbie...does sound like meds are kicking in, you don't sound
so panicky.

as far as them
making you sleepy - have you tried taking them before bed -
sometimes that's all it takes to kick the sleepiness
factor....sometimes it just takes time for your body to get used to
it before the sleepiness goes away.

I am sorry to hear
that it was your father that did that....I knew you had a strained
relationship with him, and now it makes alot of sense....and it
makes sense why your therapist wants you to disconnect from them
for the time being....he continues to abuse you, if not sexually,
but mentally....and your mother continues to turn a blind eye to
it. The farther away from this you are, the better you will be able
to handle the next steps in the process.

Knowing this, alot
of what you shared in the past with me (us here) makes sense....and
I am so proud of you for pushing forward and seeing this
through....and I am proud of your accomplishments.

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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Hi
robbie, it's really good to hear from you! Good to see you're
getting out and about. I'm sorry about what happened o you
robbie.

andii

December 28, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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{{{{Robbie}}}} I am so sorry that your father betrayed your
trust and I am sorry that your mother didn't protect you===That is
the very definition of a parent===someone who nurtures and protects
their child. I mourn that you did not get that. If I were your
mother I would have fought him tooth and nail. Your mother didn't.
I hate that. I hate that your father destroyed your childhood and
forever changed you. It stinks. It is rotten. He stinks and he is
rotten.

NEXT. What do you
do now? You just take the next step. You can do this.

I am so happy you
seem to have made a connection with a coworker and that you had a
good day. Continue doing that. I have renewed faith in your
therapist. Keep taking your meds and I AM PROUD OF YOU.

Much love and
hugs. Take care of you.

Bitsy

December 30, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Hi
Robbie,

I am glad to hear
that you are feeling better. I'm sorry to hear about what your
father did to you, and that your mother did nothing.

I know that what
happened in the past can't be changed, but your future is up to
you. You can make whatever choices you want to and need to that
will make you happy.

it sounds like you
are going to be fine.

Take
Care!

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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Hey
Robbie, how's it going?

andii

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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May
2011 be your Year Of Total Breakthrough, Robbie!

- Ma
Strong

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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im
having some very low moments but doing my best to fight it. i think
i need some med adjustments. stronger zoloft dose and something for
the anxiety during the day.

i got an email
from my therapist yesterday. she said she had an idea that she
thinks will work for me in therapy.

i called her
today. it was SO good to hear her voice and talk to her.ive really
missed her. she wants me to start drawing again because it doesnt
require language and that is something im kinda short on right
now.its like i become immobile. the words "dont talk - dont move"
play in my head and thats exactly what happens and i cant utter a
word.she said that drawing may be a good way for us to stay
connected right now.

we are giving
another couple weeks for meds to be effective.

ive been trying to
find people to do things with so im not alone. i am going to my
sisters tonite to watch a movie.

December 31, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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((((Robbie)))))

What great news
about your therapist having the idea of drawing for
communication.

You are making
such huge progress. Keep reaching out to others, you are doing
great.

Happy New Year!
Here is to 2010, a year of great accomplishment and progress in
your life and more cheers for 2011 which is a new beginning and
filled with so much promise and hope.

January 1, 2011
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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{{{Robbie}}}} Wishing you so much for 2011

Bitsy

January 3, 2011
12:00 am
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andii
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Hi
Roobie. Are you drawing?

andii

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