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Serious Setback (Robbie)
December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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right
now im too sick to work with she said. i need to be stable. as a
therapist doesnt she help me become stable and work through this
depression. not just send me away and tell me to come back when im
stable?

i have my
pschiatrist but he doesnt really talk to me. he just does the meds
part.

im confused. im
alone. im giving up.

why would she send
me away while im at my worst?

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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You
are "at your worst" because you are on the verge of breaking
through the FINAL hurdle: your toxic family.

She can't do this
for you. Only you can work through the fear, the wild emotions, the
triggers firing off like crazy...and make the break. ONLY YOU. And
it makes sense that you are feeling physically ill from this. (I
went through something very similar, years ago...good news: I
survived and made the breakthrough.)

SO CAN
YOU.

When you are
ready.

- Ma

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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but i
need help right now

i need her help
with this depression and anxiety.

ive worked with
her for over a year. now - just gone - come back when im ready. iT
HURTS.

im in so much pain
i dont know if how much more i can take.

im hanging on -
barely

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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andii
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Oh,
robbie, I wish I new what to say! Maybe we can talk through some of
this. She doesn't think you need her help, but you do, well maybe
she's right? Is the anxiety coming from her not being there right
now, or from disconnecting from your family for awhile, or maybe
both?

sending lots of
hugs your way robbie

andii

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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hi
andii

thank you for your
post. she wont work with me because i become non-verbal and cant
think. im in and out of dissociation. i dont mean to shut down. my
body just does it. and i do understand if i dont speak we cant
work. but i feel like there is something she can do to help me with
this deep depression. to help me through this time until i am
stable again.

yes the anxiety is
because i have been with her almost every week for a month and now
i cant. she was my only real life support person.

and the anxiety is
the discconection from my family.

and so many other
things that dont even make sense - like my car breaking, heating
system failing, pipe freezing, my teeth falling out, driving, the
snow.......im afraid and anxious to live. to move.

i know i am
mentally/emotionally ill right now. and its a hard thing for people
to understand.

does anyone
understand?

without my
therapist im alone.

the pain is
deep.

it all started
when i told the secret and started with PTS or whatever thats
called. went through flashbacks and couldnt sleep i was up all
night long scared to death.

i wish i never
told. it stirred up too much stuff. more than my mind can handle.
it destroyed me.

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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i
meant ive been with her almost every week for a YEAR +

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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can
someone please come back and talk to me. im reaching
out.....

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Good
Morning Robbie. Are you still around?

Bitsy

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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hi
bitsy im here

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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bisty? andii? anyone?

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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I'm
here for a little bit robbie...what's up?

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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i
just need someone to talk to me. i feel so alone in all this.
doesnt a therapist help you through depression and anxiety. not
send you away? i dont want to be alone. i only have family. she was
my only support. i want these bad feelings to go away. i want the
meds to work.

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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im
confused

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Robbie, I have to leave for a while to finish up some Christmas
stuff.

I am thinking of
you. Bundle up go for a walk..get out of the house.

Bitsy

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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im at
work

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
wish I could bring you home with me and let you spend the holidays
here. I am sorry you are going through this.

Bitsy

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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The
therapist appears to have taken you as far as she can. Only you can
decide if/when you are ready for the next step towards your
recovery: detachment from your toxic family members, until you are
well enough to deal with them again. I respect the therapist for
not stringing you along and taking your money when you are truly at
a crossroads which ONLY YOU can decide which path to
take.

As soon as the
meds take full effect (which can take a couple of weeks), you will
begin to feel much calmer. Until then, try exercising (walk your
beloved dog?) and maybe find someone to bless with some fresh-baked
cookies or any other gesture of kindness which comes to your heart.
Helping others is a wonderful antidote to
self-absorption.

- Ma

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Thanks for speaking up Ma. I was at a loss for what else to
say.

{{{{Robbie}}}}

Bitsy

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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i
dont know when i'll be ready for the next step even when im
stable.

right now im
working on getting stable. and i just thought she would be there
for me as i go through this depression as much as she was there
with other aspects of my therapy. i thought therapists help with
depression.? no?

now im in the
fight alone. all i can count on is that the meds work.and try to
tay connected here.

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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I
worked with a great psychologist for nearly a solid year. During
some of my most painful stages, I felt "deserted" by him. But he
was doing the right thing by stepping back and letting me work my
way through it...and BEAT IT.

You can do this.
We grow the most during the really hard stretches.

- Ma

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Pay
attention to what you said: "Now I am in the fight alone." That's
the goal: you will learn that you are OKAY ALONE, SAFE ALONE and
able to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ALONE...instead of fearing
it.

- Ma

December 23, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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(((((Robbie)))))

You can do this
without her. Ma gave you some great insights. I know it hurts and
you are struggling but its the struggle that gives you strength for
the next step.

Let me share a
story that came to mind while reading this thread.

I had the honor of
getting a behind the scenes tour of a breeding program for some
endangered birds and got to see some of the hatching. As we watched
some of the chicks struggle to peck away at their shell a bit a
time, I asked why didn't they help these poor baby birds break
these incredibly thick shells. Why in a breeding program, would you
allow these babies to struggle sometimes for days to hatch? It
seemed so cruel. Their answer was that the strongest babies could
break out of the shells in a few hours. And others could take
significantly longer, but if they helped the weaker babies remove
their shell, then they never gained the strength needed to survive
and they actually lessened their chances of success. If they left
them to struggle, even if it took a long time and seemed cruel, it
allowed those babies to gain the strength they needed. They noted
that sometimes, through their struggles to remove the shell, they
became so strong they even surpassed the ones who hatched in a few
hours.

Just a thought to
consider when you are getting through the next moment.

You are making
such great progress and I am so proud of all your accomplishments.
I know this is difficult, but you can do it and you will be
stronger and successful by the time this has run its
course.

December 24, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Thanks, Chelonia. I couldn't have explained it
better.

- Ma

December 24, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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i
need help with the depression im in. im about to lose all
hope.

whether i can go
the next step in therapy or not is off the table right
now.

i need to get
stable and i need help now.

i got myself in a
really sick place and i dont know how to get out. i cant take much
more.

December 24, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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((((Robbie))))

I am so sorry to
see you suffering so much now. Keep getting through the next moment
until the meds kick in and this cloud of depression
dissapates.

Are you continuing
to take your meds as prescribed? Do you need to go to the doctor or
hospital to have your prescriptions evaluated?

Sending you
healing thoughts and a nice hot pizza with all your favorite
toppings to help you get through this moment and into the next
moment of life.

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