Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Serious Setback (Robbie)
December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I
dont know what happened but I have gotten myself in a real real bad
way. I have become so emotionally (and physically) sick with
anxiety and depression my therapist wont even work with me in the
condition I'm in. I understand. theres no sense. I'm barely able to
speak a word. She needs me to get stable and indicated that I might
not be in a place to continue. Im very scared. I keep losing touch
with reality. ive never been so bad off and its really scaring me.
i got off medication because I thought it was making things worse
but she says i need to get back on it right away so I am. I dont
know how much more I can take. I pray the medication works. I feel
so sick inside. Please I could use any support you can offer me
right now. Please help me. Robbie

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{{Robbie}}}}} You know you always have my support. You have
gotten off the medication in the past with disastrous results. Why
did you decide to try again? If you were diabetic would you refuse
to take your meds?

Some people have a
chemical imbalance. You obviously are one of them. There is no
shame in that.

Please take care
of yourself and check back in with us. We are here and love
you.

Bitsy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My
mother said she thought the meds were effecting me (making me dumb)
and I should get off them and I listened to her. I dont know why I
did. im not ashamed to take the meds. just expensive even with
insurance.and going to the psychiatrist expensive. so taking those
out of the equation to relieve some financial stress sounded good
but yes, with disastrous results.

oh bitsy this is
the worst ive ever been. im in really bad shape. im not sleeping.
not eating. barely functioning. i told my therapist i was scared to
be medicated she said i should be scared not to. this is so serious
and i wish to god i didnt end up in this place.
horrible.

i want to get
better. this is a horrible place to be in.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You
got out of the bad place before you can get out of it again. I know
you can.

Bitsy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((bitsy))) thank you for answering so quickly. i really needed
to hear from someone quickly. and look, its you my "old" friend. im
going to fight it.

im supposed to let
her know how im doing in 2 weeks but it will probably take a
month.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Robbie - you have had setbacks before and managed to rise above
them....I have faith you can do it again.

Get back on your
meds....you NEED them. Like bitsy said - it's like a diabetic
needing their insulin - don't deny yourself the stuff that is going
to keep you healthy.

And stop listening
to your mother. The medication may have affected your personality -
but it SHOULD - you are changing, evolving, into someone they
aren't used to seeing. They don't recognize the person you were
becoming. They just see the change and they are probably
uncomfortable with it...cuz it's not the "robbie" they
know.

Follow docs orders
- she didn't say she would stop seeing you, she said just "not
now"....she seems to know her stuff....you had some amazing
breakthroughs....keep going!

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI
Rising - Thank you!

she does know her
stuff. she said she knows when to push someone and she knows when
not to and right now is not the time. im in no shape to do the
work. she said we BOTH need to respect that. Im trying to. im just
glad that she does. she said when she was a young therapist she
would push and things would get messy. and now that shes an old
therapist shes knows when to back off.

i just dont know
if im truly capable of going the next step when i am well again.
its hard to know right now.

Thanks for your
encouragement too i appreciate it.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chinadoll
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 193
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear
Robbie, I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I am sending
you healing energy.

I know that you
wanted to listen to you Mom, but she is not a practitioner,
licensed and educated to know what your medical needs are. And for
her to say that the meds were making you dumb, that's actually
hurtful, even if she did not mean to hurt you. Of course that would
make you want to stop taking them, because who wants to be dumb?
That's not right.

We all want our
parents' approval. That is a natural thing, but in this case, you
are the one suffering.

I have seen the
experience when I was a foster care worker, a juvenile probation
officer, and in law enforcement, that parents would actually stop
giving their kids the very-much needed meds, so that the parents
could keep their kids in control--manipulate their moods and
behavior. Not saying your Mom tried to do this purposefully, but in
a sense, she did have that control, if you think about
it.

I'm not trying to
speak bad about your Mom. Who knows what her intentions were.
Sometimes people speak, and they have no idea how it hurts us and
affects us. Like when parents say their kids are fat. They think it
is helping or motivating, when all it does is make us feel
bad.

I do hope you get
better. I hope you can get the meds soon. It will take about 2
weeks for you to feel them working again, but please be patient. It
takes time for your body to get used to them again.

Today is a busy,
busy day, so I don't know when I can come back on. But I will send
healing and calming energy to you, and I will check on you again
soon.

I am so sorry! But
you are strong, you have come so far, you can do it!!

love &
blessings!

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
darkeyes
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((robbie)) thinking of you..love and hugs Dark!

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Chinadoll and darkeyes thank you for the support and
encouragement!! i appreciate everyones supportive words.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((((((((((((Robbie))))))))))))))

take it one moment
at a time. you will get through this. It will get
better.

keep
posting.

sending you lots
of love and healing energy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Chelonia

it feels like im
in the fight of my life. a fight for my self. because thats what im
losing. dont know why i allowed it to get so bad. ive got to pull
through this.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Robbie, just checking in on you. Stay around until you get
centeres again.

Bitsy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((((((Robbie)))))))))

You will get
through this.

Find something
that grounds you and keeps you in this reality. That sooths your
pain and gets you through this moment to the next.

I will share a
couple of song/meditations that help me when I am barely hanging
on. You are welcome to try and see if they help you too. But if
these don't fit for you, then keep trying other things until you
find one that works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....YEq3St7CGs

December 18, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi
friends

im just checking
in. im doing a tiny bit better today.

has anyone here
ever been severely depressed before?

ive been down, ive
been blue, and ive been what i thought was depressed - but never
anything this bad before. it isnt easy to describe unless youve
been there.very deep. so out of
touch.anxiety.floating.spinning.

i SO regret
stopping taking the meds. THAT was dumb. they werrent making me
dumb.

i tried to explain
to my mom last night how serious this is. i dont think she
understands.

im so glad i have
this place to come because i have no one else. i dont expect my
therapist to email like she did when im not in therapy right now.
that leaves no one. the sad truth. i have no one.

today i am
thankful that i feel a tiny bit better. i hope i can feel a tiny
bit more better tomorrow.

December 18, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Robbie we will be your support system until you can get the
meds back in your system and get back with your therapist. On this
site we can only offer so much but you know that and you know that
your therapist is going to help when you go back.

Bitsy

December 18, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chinadoll
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 193
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Robbie, I am glad that you are feeling a little bit better. A
little bit at a time, that's all you can do.

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

im
posting without really knowing what to say except things are still
so bad for me and i need continued support.

i dont know how to
explain to anyone what it feels like to be me right now. i cried
half the morning yesterday and ive been crying on and off this
morning. i have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. it churns
and churns. in a constant state of stress.

i feel the
emotional illness - sickness. im taking my meds again - 5 days now.
I JUST WANT TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN.

this is probably
the worst thing ive ever gone through. I NEED IT TO STOP. i keep
fighting.

please friends
dont give up on me.

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{Robbie}}}} We aren't giving up on you. You can do this.
Imagine you are Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz...remember at the end
when Dorothy is going home and the Good Witch tells her she always
had the power within her.

YOU have the power
within YOU! You have done this before and you know you can do it
again. You are taking the necessary steps. You are back on your
meds. Even though you aren't seeing your therapist right now, you
know that when the meds kick in you can see her again.

Focus on that
beautiful butterfly you were becoming.

Bitsy

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bitsy
i cant see her again because i am unable to take the next step in
therapy - (disconnecting from my family).

i think thats what
happened to me. over the months ive been disconnecting and its left
me so alone and isolated and sick. in order to continue in therapy
i need to disconnect and i just cant.

i really want to
work on the effects the abuse has on me and she just wants me to
disconnect.

so i am so very
sad. i loss the one significant person i had in my life awhile back
(remember the no contact) then i loss a co-worker who was a good
friend. now im losing my therapist because i cant take the next
step.

i lost my music
teacher becuase i quit because i couldnt cope with
anything.

everything is a
mess. im trying to get back in touch with my music teacher but she
seems to be avoiding me.

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{{Robbie}}}} I am so sorry.

I don't know what
to think about your therapist wanting you to disconnect from your
family. On the one hand what you have described here does seem odd.
Your father is controlling and overbearing and your mother seems to
do whatever he says. But to have NO support other than my therapist
would scare me also. I am not sure what to say and I don't want to
say the wrong thing.

Just keep posting
here. You know there is a group of us who have always been here for
you and there are several newcomers to the threads that I think
would be good for you to "get to know". I have noticed they have a
new and different perspective on things and I have enjoyed and
valued their opinions.

Sending you lots
of hugs and positive thoughts on healing

Bitsy

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
robbie2007
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank
you so much bitsy (((((bitsy)))))

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Robbie)))

Can you look into
another therpist that will be there for you in the interem while
you are where you are? You do need some more alternate non-family
relationships. Maybe find a place of meditation or worship that can
help you build non-family contacts and support?

But for you
immediate need of support, know that I am here for you and have an
endless supply of hugs.

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear
Robbie -

As soon as I saw
your thread, I knew it was because you had progressed in your
therapy to the point of facing DISCONNECTION FROM THE PEOPLE WHO
MADE YOU SICK. As your therapist has explained, it is the unhealthy
dynamics, abuse and emotional control/manipulation of your
parents/family which caused your BPD. Therefore, your pathway to
wholeness will necessitate disconnecting from the SOURCE of your
mental illness. And this is a terrifying prospect for you, as you
have been trapped in these illness-producing relationships for more
than four decades of your life.

I am hoping you
will continue posting, resume & remain on your meds and return
to therapy. You deserve your shot at WHOLENESS and PEACE.
Disconnection (as terrifying as it seems to you) is the
answer.

- Ma
Strong

December 22, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Remember - your therapist is not talking about PERMANENT
disconnection from your toxic family...only until you are well
enough to be able to interact with them with no ill effects for
yourself.

- Ma

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information