Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Serious Advice is needed
April 1, 2008
3:45 pm
Avatar
tracylane
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just want to say that I am sorry but I am at the end of my rope, I hope that I don't sound like a whinny brat but I have no where else to turn. I have no idea where to even begin, I feel like I am trying to find a corner in a round room. I am going to start from the beginning and see where that takes me. I hope that this isn't to long or crazy for the imput that I seek. I found the beginnning was when I was a child, I was the yougest of 7, Dad was a drunk and Mom worked all the time to try and keep the house, that was pointless cause we lost it anyway. There was alot of violence all around me all the time which I thought was normal but come to find out that I was wrong. My oldest sister was an addict, my next sister was in the military, and the next had 5 kids by the time she was 20, my oldest brother was in prison, my next brother was in and out of detention centers, and my little brother was and still is just nuts, then there was me. My youngest sister lost her 5 children to the state and they were my friends we were very close in age, I was only 8 when they were taken away. With Mom working so much I had to spend alot of time with my yougest sister and my oldest sister didn't even come around anymore her drugs were more important. We moved from house to house about every year or so which changed my schools and friends and everything. As I got older my two brothers had come home, the oldest got his own place the other lived with us and he used to hit me all the time. He used to scream at my mom and he was drinking an aweful lot. I found that the answers to my questions were the same place that theirs were in the bottom of a bottle. So we just sorta joined forces to stay away from getting caught by our parent's. Then things got crazy at school and I decided that going to school wasn't an option for me, I was always suspended for fighting. That was when my grandmother,oldest sister, and nephew died three monthes apart form each other and I knew that I couldn't stay there everything was a mess. I met my first husband he was like a knight in shinning armor. But, when you go so do your problems as they say. We drank, did drugs, and spent our fair share of time in jail...which lead to me cheating and him leaving me. I was living back in the place that I least enjoyed. My drinking was seriously out of control and one day my mother was yelling at me when I was drunk and she hit me in the head with the phone, so I took it and hit her back, that was when I decided that I was going into treatment that I needed help I was no better then my brother. At this point my Dad had stopped drinkin and had been sober for about 6 years. While I was in treatment I met a different guy who I thought was going to be better for me, that was a huge mistake. He got me smoking crack, and drinking more than ever, he would beat me regularly and sometimes other things which I am sure that you can imagine. Finally, I got rid of him and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do after almost 5 years I was very scared of what he would do when I was gone and believe me what he did wasn't pretty. By this time my doctor had told me that I was unable to have children, and my ex husband who was able to forgive me and become my friend told me that he had gotten someone pregnant, I was crushed. I thought that I could make things better with him when he hit me with that bomb shell. So I went out got a job and an apartment and moved my ex in with me. That lasted a few monthes but ultimatly it wasn't right so he left. I was on my own....After about 8 monthes of working and bar hoping because I hated to be alone I met my second husband. Ofcourse the routine stayed the same we drank alot, but I got him to stop doing drugs which I tought was a plus, we lived togather for 3 years and then we got married, then he brang his 13year old daughter to live with us and I thought that would be fine. I still feel guilty over what happen with that, she wasn't a fan of all the drinking and she went back home to her mother. All the while my second oldest brother the violent one was in prison and I was living in his house paying his mortage so that he wouldn't lose it and my parents were raising his three children. After my step daughter went back to he mother my realtionship with her father went south and he hit me with a lead crystal astry and cause 7 stitches in my head, I decided that I was going to fight back and I got put in jail for 6 days and was facing serious charges, around that time my brother was out of prison and he had come over and we had words because he doesn't like to be wrong and he punched me in the face causing a whole in my cheek, I forgave him for that and warned him that this would never happen again or he would go back to prison. About that time I had enough so I spent a ton of time on the computer talking with people about nothing special and drinking myself to nowhere land. Then I met this guy who was really sweet, he didn't drink, smoke, do drugs nothing and he lived far away. So lacking courage and self worth I packed my clothes in the middle of the night and left my husband and went with this man. I was fine for three years I worked atleast 60 hours a week, kept my apartment, took care of my bills, and didn't get into trouble. Even slowed up on the drinking. Little did I know that back at home all hell was breaking loose. I got a call at work the second year I was gone that my step daughter whom I believe left because of my drinking was killed in a car accident she had just turned 17 and got her driving permit. I was a wreck for a little while but I didn't resort to drinking like I would have had I been home. The final year that I was gone things were getting crazy there was a massive crime spree and I got three cars stolen in three monthes and told my new boyfriend that was tired and I wanted to go home, and that is what we did. I came home and went back to school, got a new job, and a new home. I wasn't here for a month and I was awakened at 4 am that my father was in the hospital he had a massive stroke and could possibly die. I spend one and a half monthes at his bed side and the family had again resorted to drinking and chaos. He was in ICU and out of commision for a month and I missed all that work and school, so I had to get a new job and try to get back into school. Finally, just before Thanksgiving he came home and he isn't same guy, he acts like he is about 5. So I was taking my time out to help my mom with getting him to theropy and doctors and such. All the while my brother and his children and planning them moving out and leaving my parents alone which is fine. Now this violent brother has been fighting with everyone that he can and I am his only ally, he is paranoid that everyone is against him and they are trying to steal everything that my parent's worked for, while his children are the ones that are out of control like him and he doesn't want to help. So he tells me of a job that is open at his place and I there and get the job. My fourth day on the job, again there is a knock on the door this time it was about 5 in the morning, it is my mother, she is in the hospital. She is now diabetic and he BS was 1170 and she almost dies. The majority of the family decide that it is best that I move in and my brother refuses to allow it, Mom has been taking care of him and his family for the last 43 years and he thinks that he will have to actually be a man now or something. But he was here a few days ago and he started about this whole thing and I told him that he had to except that our parents our in there 70's and this is the beginning of their end, meanwhile he accused me of using them for an excuse to quit school and stay home and get drunk which was never even the case. Then he began to get violent, when I asked him to leave he told me he didn't have to because my parent's pay my rent and he is welcome where they spend there money, which again is another alchol induced dream. By this time my boyfriend had come in and was trying to get him out, and he kicked me and I fell, when I fell he began to hit me in the head and face, then I grabbed his area and started to fight back, I just wanted him to quit,but when I regained my footing he blasted me in the face, craking my cheekbone and breaking my nose and knocking out a tooth, I blacked out and last thing I remember was the blood. I called the police and they said that they would put a warrant for his arrest and now he is threatening me that if he has to go back to prison that he will kill me, and he has told my family that and my family has been saying that I should have never done that and that I am doing the wrong thing. I feel as though he can do what ever he wants and my mom will just let him be and so should all of us and I am tired of it. To add to that, my first husband whom over the years has decided that he was still in love with me and wanted to work things out, figured that he had waited to long and he is getting married in June. I tell you the hits jsut keep on coming. I appreciate any insite into this mess cause I feel like there is no way out and I need to get out.

April 1, 2008
3:52 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi tracylane and welcome to the forum.

If you have a long post please try and paragraph or section it so it is easier to read.(like i ma doing here)

This is hard to read through and I'm sure people would like to help.
:0)

April 1, 2008
4:36 pm
Avatar
HopeSprings
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is darkness, light,

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much

seek to be consoled as to console,

not so much to be understood as to understand,

not so much to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

- St. Francis of Assisi

April 1, 2008
4:51 pm
Avatar
kickcodependency
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hello. wow, you have had a very chaotic life. I was wondering if you have tried counseling and tried to stick with it .....it takes time to work through all the things from your past....and the past definately holds keys to one's behaviors and helps one to understand why they continue to keep doing the same things over and over again in their life....

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer