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Seperated, but can't make the new relationship clear to him. Can anyone help?
August 5, 2005
3:33 pm
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oasis27
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It has been a few months since I last visited this site because so many things have happened. I am really trying to recover from codependancy and have had to push myself to choose for myself. Which also included going through with a divorce and being firm about him finding another place to live.

The whole situation was very hard and I was stressed out. Now I am trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and explained to him that I didn't hate him; we could remain civil to each other; but I can't cope with going out together - as though nothing had happened.

A couple of days ago he phoned me and asked if he could come over for coffee and play Rummicub together. The whole time we were married he was not prepared to "be together" and enjoy our time together. NOW that we are seperated.....he wants to spend time together!!! It is tooooo late for me and he just doesn't get it!!!

To complicate the issue even more, we see each other at work for two mornings every week.

I feel frustrated and just as though I am talking to the wall. Has anyone had a similar experience? Can someone give me advise?

August 5, 2005
3:36 pm
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SexySadie
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There are two approaches...one is the direct one, telling him that you just both need to move on, remain friends, but that you don't want to see him on a social basis. The other is to completely do NC and just not pick up the phone. You can sit with others at work during meetings etc...if you let others know your discomfort people will go out of their way to help keep things as professional as possible.

August 5, 2005
3:55 pm
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on my way
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Talking to a wall, is just that...talking to a wall.

Difficult situation, esocially when you work in the same office.

Have you statd: When you do this, I feel this way type of communication?

If all else fails...honestly, and I have never done this before, but was not as brave as I am now...I would place a pile of dog poo-poo on something that he adores...his car maybe?
kidding...I guess it all depends on who you are.

Or the Maybe the best scenario is to be a lady, maintian your composure, be mature, and continue to ignore him or state yourself over and over and walk away. Do not fall for his games.

August 6, 2005
4:01 pm
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oasis27
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Thank you "Sexysadie" and "on my way" for responding.

I have tried the direct approach and it didn't work. He understood that I didn't want to see his face any more (not a bad idea!!) and made a point of totally ignoring me when I was sitting with some people.

I phoned him and explained that it wasn't my intention to totally reject him, so now he thinks that we can have social contact!

I chuckled at the thought of putting dog pooooo on his car. But I think that the second suggestion is more in my line.

Or maybe I should give up trying to explain what I mean about being civil with one another. When he suggests any form of social contact, just say that I don't feel like it. What do you both think?

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